


Reign in Hell

by nordpdc62



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bipolar Disorder, F/M, Jewish Character, M/M, Movie: Aliens (1986), Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Schizophrenia, Space Marines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 58,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22244614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nordpdc62/pseuds/nordpdc62
Summary: Colonial Marine Ben Solo rescued Rey when he was sent with his unit to exterminate the Xenomorph infestation on Kyber colony. Solo and Rey were the only survivors of the mission and of the colony.Ten years later, Rey has been imprisoned in a psychiatric facility, considered troubled and under the control of Earth authority as Kyber Colonial Authority no longer exists. She lies in a semi-permeable stupor unable to escape and live as a free woman.Ben, now a Sergeant, is about to be shipped off on the ultimate nightmare of a mission: the Xenomorph homeworld to capture a living Alien Queen for the purposes of the company.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 51
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU based on the Alien universe, specifically based around Aliens canon (not Prometheus canon, though I do love that film). I draw heavy inspiration from the Aliens novel "Earth Hive" by Steven Perry and also from several of the Aliens comics (specifically the Xeno Zip plot lines). I definitely recommend those materials. "Earth Hive" is a great book, even if you're not super familiar with Aliens canon. 
> 
> I'm schizophrenic and bipolar so I'm always going to be writing Ben that way. Same with the Jewish stuff. Gave Rey different parents because it's an AU so it is what it is. 
> 
> Forgive any typos. I usually write this in my downtime at work on my phone and only seldom get to edit it.

All she could remember for a long time was pain. It wasn’t the physical anguish she experienced when they would administer the shocks. It was a profound emotional pain that slit through her entire soul. 

Rey had been on Earth for 10 years. Of those 10 years, 7 had now been spent in the Tyrell Asylum. It was considered, she discovered by trying to escape and seeing the promotional video in the lobby as she’d been dragged back inside, to be one of the most humane institutions for those mental unfortunates like herself who couldn’t live independently. Rey had never known independence. She wasn’t even an Earth citizen. She was a colonial refugee and, with no other survivors of her colony to advocate for her, she was at the mercy of Earth. And Earth had made a legal decision about her mental capacity that was final. She would be in Tyrell Asylum until the day she died. 

She’d been born on Kyber colony, an outer rim mining colony. She didn’t remember that but she’d been told it. Her earliest memory she could access was of her mother lighting Shabbat candles and covering her eyes, her beautiful black hair framing her perfect oval face. Rey could never remember her eyes. She remembered her smile. She remembered when her face was gone and scraped up and battered and impaled into pulp and bones and the shells of her eyes. 

She remembered her father, before her mother had been slaughtered, returning from the medical centre having escaped. He’d been quarantined. She remembered that word because she’d found it peculiar. She remembered him desperately trying to pack their suitcases when he clutched at his chest. It was like the heart attacks she’d seen in Holofilms. But then his heart exploded and what looked like a vicious, fanged snake emerged from the crater in his chest. 

She remembered the small world she’d known falling apart. School was cancelled and so she didn’t know what to do with herself. She was given sedatives to cope with the traumatic loss of her father. But those quickly were tapered off when everyone else started dying. 

She didn’t fully remember how she’d survived. She remembered many times she almost didn’t. She remembered those creatures. Their heads enormous. Their hands long. They didn’t have eyes either. 

She did remember him though. She remembered a beautiful angel of a man. He’d worn a uniform and had nearly died himself protecting her. He was why she was alive, she knew that. She remembered his face. 

Ben. 

He had been a colonial marine. A mere private. He’d saved her, the sole survivor of a doomed colony. He’d lost so many of his brothers at arms to the animals, maybe he had known how she felt. It’d been just the two of them on the long voyage back to Earth. After calming her gasping sobs he’d gently lowered her into the hyper sleep bed. “It’s going to be okay.” He’d said. She’d hovered at the edge of consciousness. She tried desperately to resurrect those memories but they evaded her. She’d gone into hyper sleep. When she’d reawaken, she’d been ushered immediately into a months long decontamination and exposure therapy for her new life on Earth. 

What had become of Ben? Maybe he was tucked away in an asylum himself. She hated the thought of that. She hadn’t been lucid enough to think about him in months. She didn’t know how long it would last. There was no point trying to escape again, but perhaps she could find a way to access a computer. 

$$$

“The one the Nostromo encountered was a drone—a male. I don’t know how they. I think if I remember the tapes correctly sir that that drone was implanted from one of the eggs. Kyber colony there were a lot of eggs and hundreds, maybe thousands, of drones. Rey—she was the only human not infected or dead. Lost everyone else in my unit. The drones are deadly but they’re stupid. Fire keeps them away but in a new atmosphere like that and damp—it was raining constantly. They have a queen. She’s not stupid. That’s the specimen I brought for analysis. She—“

Snoke froze the holotape. The young marine’s face was suspended over the impeccable marble table. 

Hux shifted uneasily in his chair. The faux leather was making his legs sweat through his suit and even with the heavily tinted and mirrored windows the conference room still felt like a sauna. 

“Binyamin Solo. Colonial marine.” Snoke spoke slowly and didn’t take his eyes away from the holotape. “ _ This  _ is the man responsible for our current success. Without his specimen we would not be experiencing our current economic boom.” 

Hux considered interjecting but stopped himself. The attempts to synthesise the Royal Jelly of the Alien Queen had been a bust. Synthetic Xeno Zip—the name their branding team had slaved over for months—was in the midst of a massive recall. He’d been proud of the synthetic and the military were begging for more. He wanted to mention that, that the military contracts alone would more than make up for his blunder, but he knew that Snoke wouldn’t hear it. 

“And our boy Binyamin is going to be responsible for our next great  _ economic and scientific  _ leap forward.” Snoke sat and clasped his hands. He finally looked at Hux. “I am giving you a shot at redemption, Armitage. I sincerely hope you don’t bungle this, too.”

Hux’s stomach flipped. Snoke was ruthless. He’d sent Hux’s predecessor into anaphylactic shock over a bad day on the stock exchange. That he was even being offered  _ anything  _ gave Hux hope.

Hux had overseen the synthetic programme. It’d been a massive success initially. Synthetic royal jelly was obviously significantly cheaper to produce and made Xeno Zip a mass-marketable product. However, the synthetic didn’t work exactly as its pure cousin. On top of the performance enhancement, synthetic XZ gave insatiable aggression and a complete inability to limit oneself. Olympic records had been destroyed. And then, shortly afterwards, so had the Olympians. It’d been a PR disaster after an immensely successful launch. Hux had expected death. 

Snoke smiled. “You, my dear Armitage, are going to bring me a living Alien Queen.”

Perhaps death would be better. Hux’s breath caught in his throat. “Sir, that’s—“

“It’s all arranged. Weyland Yutani has located the Alien homeworld. You will accompany a unit of colonial marines and we will ensure that Xeno Zip is a safe and consumable product.” Snoke’s expression didn’t change. “This is a very generous opportunity. I expect you to become a trusted asset to this company once more.”

Hux swallowed. “Absolutely, sir.”

$$$

It was his first time being on Earth since he was a teenager. He was experiencing near constant headaches from the atmospheric pollution. The canned air on the colonial marine vessels may've been dry but at least it was breathable. 

“And who will you be visiting today, Mr Ren?” The attendant at the front desk smiled warmly at him. She carefully handed back the ID card he’d given her. Tyrell Asylum should’ve been using retinal scans. They’d live to regret it. 

He returned her smile. “I’m here to see Rey Terani, patient ID 06070912.”

The attendant’s expression changed minutely. “I’m afraid only family are permitted to visit with that patient sir, I—“ She blinked at the computer screen in front of her. 

Ben’s palms were sweating but that was it. Otherwise his breathing was even. Inhale slowly, exhale halfway and—

“I’m so sorry, Mr Ren. My mistake. Of course you can visit your sister.” She smiled apologetically. “Please allow us ten minutes to get her prepared to see you.”

Ben nodded and returned to the waiting room chairs. Ten years. It’d been ten years since he’d seen Rey. In his mind, she was still that terrified child that’d cried into his uniform. He’d never felt the weight of his duty as a colonial marine until that child. Her terrified face was burned into his mind. He would’ve died for her. How had she wound up in a place like this?

The attendant stood. “She’s ready to see you Mr. Ren.” He approached her and she dropped her voice. “She is on some rather heavy sedatives and antipsychotics so she may be different than you remember her. I don’t know when you saw her last.”

Ben nodded again. “I understand.”

The attendant walked him down a long, unsettlingly white corridor. The walls were a reflective plastic and the doors were only slightly recessed into the surface. He glanced behind him and saw the door to the lobby had recessed into the wall as well. Great. So this was going to be worse than he expected. Thank g-d he’d memorised the floor plan. 

They approached one of the recessed doors and the attendant waved a magnetic key in front of it. The door slid silently open. 

The room it revealed was small. Smaller than some of the cells he’d seen on the prison colonies. The walls were an eggshell white that appeared beige after the blinding corridor. They were soft, he realised. There were no corners in the room. A small toilet sat off to one side with some basic menstrual products in a plastic bowl off to the side and with a rubbish bin recessed into the wall. There were no windows but the entire ceiling was lit up with what felt like gentle, warm UV light. The side of the room opposite the toilet featured a small bed. 

Sat on the bed was a young woman wearing a white hospital gown. She looked up at him when he entered the room, but her gaze was unfocused. 

It was Rey. Undoubtedly. He could never forget that face. Even as she had matured, she was instantly recognisable as the girl from Kyber. 

He turned to the attendant. “Could you give us a few moments together? Alone?”

The attendant looked uneasy but she nodded. “Of course, Mr. Ren.” She left the room and the door slid shut and vanished. 

He turned back to Rey who was still looking at him as if through mist. “I—are you? My?” She was struggling with her words and Ben immediately felt his throat close up. He remembered the bright eyed girl she’d been, in spite of the horrors she’d witnessed. What had they done to her?

He knelt down in front of her. “Rey, it’s me, Ben. From Kyber. Do you remember? You don’t have to answer with words, just nod or shake.”

Rey nodded quickly and her eyes filled with tears. “Oh g-d.” She gasped as the tears began to spill. She fell forward into his arms and wrapped him in a tight and desperate embrace. “Help me. I’m so—please—“ She was clearly thinking many things but her mouth wasn’t cooperating. 

“We’re getting you out of here, Rey. I’ve got a plan. It’s messy but with us it always is.” He smiled. 

She laughed and nodded. 

Being this close to her was jarring. It felt as if some dormant but essential part of his brain had been reawakened. He could see clearer and for the first time in years he didn’t feel the usual despair that came with his life in the marines. 

“All right. Can you walk okay?” He stood up and tried to help her to her feet. 

She rose shakily and stumbled a little but nodded. Her eyes were still cloudy but there was a resolve to her expression. She was ready to fight. Good. 

“Stay behind me.” He gestures and she followed suit. She grabbed the bowl of menstrual products from the floor and turned it over. She jumped on it once and it split in half, the halves sharp. She grabbed one and gripped his back for support. 

He reached into the front of his trousers and removed the stunner he’d holstered to his inner thigh. He’d brought heavier artillery, but if he didn’t have to kill any civilians, even shitty ones like these, he’d prefer it. 

Grasping the stunner in his left hand, he gently tapped against the recessed door. “Nurse!”

A moment later the door slid open. A different attendant stood there. His mouth gaped when he saw the broken plastic bowl and he started to speak but before he could say anything, Ben thrust the stunner straight into his neck. The attendant’s eyes bulged before he collapsed. Ben caught him before he hit the floor, and pried the magnetic key from his hand. He waved it in front of the door and the door slid shut again. 

He lowered the attendant to the floor. “We don’t have a lot of time before they figure out I’m not who I said I was.” He undressed the attendant as efficiently as possible and tossed the clothes to Rey. “Put these on.”

Rey set her bowl shard down on the bed and turned away as she removed the hospital gown. Ben gave her privacy and listened at the door whilst she changed. There were foot steps. A lot of them. 

“Shit.” He muttered. He turned and Rey was dressed. “Yeah, it’s going to get messy.” He reached to his other thigh and pulled out his gun. 

He waved the magnetic key in front of the door and it slid silently open once more. The foot steps were loud. He looked around the opening carefully and could see two attendants flanked by a security officer walking at a quick pace towards them. They were about seven metres away.

When they saw his face, one of the attendants barked: “Hey! That’s him!”

The security officer grunted and pulled his weapon. 

Ben was faster than him. Before the officer could raise his weapon Ben had fired a slug into his shooting arm. The security officer yelled and his gun dropped to the floor. 

“Stay behind me.” Ben ordered. 

He and Rey emerged from the room. He kept his weapon pointed at the attendants who were frozen to the spot. 

The security officer was recovering. He spoke to his wrist: “Angeli in Ward Q, requesting back up immediately. Shots fired.” He picked up his gun with his other hand and shakily pointed it at Ben. Ben fired another quick shot into the man’s other shoulder. 

He could hear other people approaching. He glanced over at Rey; her expression was impassive. “Come on. This way.”

They took off running the opposite direction of the lobby and the attendants. In the floor plans, there was supposed to be a concealed emergency exit this way. Ben was fairly certain that the backup was coming from the direction of the lobby but he couldn’t be certain. “Stay close!” He said. 

At the end of the corridor, Ben waved the magnetic key again where the emergency exit should be. Nothing happened. “Fuck!” 

The backup security officers were emerging from the lobby, weapons drawn and pointed towards him and Rey. “Stand down, intruder!” One of them shouted. 

Ben felt his heart rate increase. He pointed his gun at where the door should have been and fired a blast of automatic at it. The door appeared and Ben waved the magnet at it. It finally opened. “In!” He yelled at Rey. She obliged. 

The backup officers were approaching swiftly and opened fire, just narrowly missing him. A bullet grazed his left arm and he winced but didn’t lose sight. He sent a quick barrage of bullets their direction before slipping into the door behind Rey. He waved the magnet and shut the door behind him. 

They ran down the stairs, Rey stumbling occasionally and him supporting her when she needed it. They reached the exit without further incident and were outside before Rey finally collapsed. He picked her up, slung her over his shoulder, and sprinted towards his vehicle. 

A unit of security agents burst from the exit and began firing, but they were too late. He tossed Rey in the vehicle, jumped in, and peeled out of the car park. His vehicle was only about a year younger than he was but it was fast. The guards tried to close the gate but were too slow. 

The adrenaline was coursing through him as he raced out of the asylum and onto the freeway. He glanced over at Rey in the seat next to him. She was breathing steadily but she was very pale. 

She caught him looking and said, in a quiet and shaky voice, “thank you.”

He’d ditched the vehicle an hour outside of the barracks and lit it on fire. A burning car in the outskirts was nothing of note. They’d taken a taxi into the city and he’d got her a pod. He couldn’t afford anything else but it was safer keeping her there than at the barracks proper. 

As the adrenaline eased out of his system the weight of his concern about Rey returned. She’d been imprisoned for nothing other than being a traumatised refugee. He could kill the judge that’d made that call. Who looked at a PTSD ridden child and said that she didn’t deserve a future? 

He’d had to support her on his right side as they’d entered the pod hive. The front desk was entirely automated and this one used an eye scan. He scanned in and paid for the pod.

The hive was shaped like an actual beehive he’d seen from the historical tapes. Each pod was hexagonal in shape and a soothing amber colour. There was enough space in each pod for two people horizontal and a small crevice for any belongings. 

He eased Rey into the pod and she sighed with exhaustion. She could barely keep her eyes open and when she was finally comfortable she immediately fell asleep. Ben brought her some groceries and toiletries from the bodega and left a copy of the pod’s key with her. He left a scrambled mobile with her and a note: please call me. - Ben. 

He was tempted to stay there with her. He hadn’t seen this person for ten years and yet the idea of being apart again made his lungs sore. His absence would be noted at the barracks. He left. 

$$$


	2. Chapter 02

0650 hrs

Hux couldn’t fathom a civilised institution that would insist on having a meeting at this hour but the Marines were apparently all about it. He’d had to wake up at 3:00 AM and taken more than the recommended dose from his energia inhaler, plus two tabs of a little something extra, and a finger full of pure Xeno Zip. He might be able to make it another hour without passing out. 

The barracks was ugly and brutalist. Completely utilitarian in its design, the walls were largely bare with a few government required posters and wires serving as the only decoration. The ceiling was even worse, a mess of air flow tubes and god knows what else, but Hux assumed it served some purpose. 

At the bland, grey plastic octagonal table was sat the team he’d been recommended. He didn’t know what competent marines looked like but this crew didn’t strike him as that. Perhaps this was Snoke’s long and drawn out attempt to kill him after all. 

The pilot had introduced himself eagerly when he’d entered the room and was now fucking around on his mobile, probably watching pornography. He was a Latin fellow with dark hair, warm eyes, a muscular physique, and an easygoing demeanour. Poe Dameron was his name. Hux would have to look at his file in greater depth, because that could be a nice lay whilst recovering his reputation with the company. 

Sat next to him was an enormous blond woman. She was taller than him and could easily crush him. She hadn’t said a word beside her name—the patently absurd “Phasma”—and “sir”. 

Binyamin Solo was there. It hadn’t come across in the holotape but there was something inherently magnetic about him, some sort of gravitational pull. He had a large scar across half of his face but that didn’t detract from his appearance. He was striking. Tall with black hair, fair skin, a long nose, and full lips. There was an intense seriousness about him. He was sitting completely still. 

The commanding officer was a man named Pride. He was an older officer and was very pale with a distressing hungry expression. 

0700 hrs 

Okay, he could get started. 

“Today you are going to be receiving your dossier on Mission: Helen. As I am certain you are aware, but I will address regardless since I know some of you are recent returns to Earth, the company I work for, Weyland Yutani, has had difficulty with creating a synthetic form of the Xeno Royal Jelly. Royal Jelly is known for its physical, mental, and psychic enhancement properties. Thanks to you, Sergeant Solo, and the cooperation of United Earth Government, we were able to determine these properties, whose ramifications have been colossal. People are alive today who would otherwise be long dead thanks to your retrieval of an Alien Queen corpse.” Hux nodded towards Solo, who shifted in his seat but otherwise remained still. “The synthetic attempts at Royal Jelly have unfortunately evaded us. Following initial tests, WY PHARM were proud to introduce Xeno Zip to the market. However, we’ve been forced to recall that potentially lifesaving product due to unforeseen side effects.”

“Yeah, like Olympic athlete Snap Wesley.” Dameron grumbled. 

“You will be silent, Captain Dameron.” General Pride hissed. 

“Yes. His death was an unfortunate result of some of the negative side effects of  _ synthetic _ Xeno Zip.” Hux continued. “But I encourage you to remember that prior to Mr Wexley’s unfortunate death, he obliterated all previous 50 yard records.”

“He obliterated himself right into the stadium.” Dameron crossed his arms. 

“Captain Dameron!” Pride barked. Dameron glowered. 

Hux’s throat felt tight. Maybe fucking Dameron would actually be a bad idea. “This being acknowledged, the positive impact Xeno Zip has cannot new denied nor ignored. It is, in essence, a leap forward in human evolution as well as a cure for almost all of our ailments.” Hux looked at Solo again. “I don’t doubt, sergeant Solo, that you remember that it was the Queen’s Royal Jelly that allowed you and your rescuee to survive what happened on Kyber.” Solo’s expression was blank. “It is for this reason that you all have been brought here today. With the recent advent of the discovery of the Alien homeworld coordinates, it is the intention of the combined forces of the United Earth Government and Weyland Yutani to—“

“Destroy it.” Solo’s voice was deeper in person than in the tapes. He looked to General Pride. “Pardon my interruption, General, but these creatures are deadly and infectious parasites. They are responsible for the destruction of multiple Earth colonies. We cannot—“

Pride held up a hand and silenced Solo. “Let the man finish, damnit. This is like having dinner with my daughters.”

“Weyland Yutani believes in building better worlds, Sergeant Solo, starting with earth and to the stars with hope.” Hux smiled through the PR nonsense. He believed it as far as he could throw it. WY was about profit and so was he. Solo’s justice was not lucrative. “It is for this reason that we will be visiting the Alien homeworld and collecting a living Alien Queen specimen. Your dossiers will be with you within the hour and we can begin to discuss effective tactics. This mission is critical and the importance of its success cannot new overstated. We are doing this for every child dying of cancer. We are doing this for every person who deserves life. Thank you for your time and attention, esteemed colleagues. I look forward to working with you on this mission with great hope and honour.” Hux bowed; his stomach hurt. 

Solo’s eyes had widened. “You’re insane.” He turned towards General Pride again. “Sir, with all due respect, this is madness. A single egg with a dormant specimen could infect our entire planet. I brought with me the Alien Queen because the bitch was dead. No more eggs. This could destroy all of human history and all of the colonies. I must object, sir—“

“Objection noted, sergeant.” Pride responded. “You’re still going where you’re told and doing what you’re told, sergeant.”

$$$

Rey awoke before her eyes opened and for a horrible moment she thought she had dreamt the previous day’s events. She opened her eyes to the warm amber colour of the pod and sighed in relief before immediately breaking into sobs. She was free for the first time in her life since she’d been a child! Her stomach felt empty but her head felt clearer, like the world might be in focus for once. 

She rolled onto her side in the warm pod and saw the mobile communicator. Pressed on its surface was a small note from her rescuer. She picked it up and began navigating through the device. She rang the address that was listed as his, her only contact. Her only person on Earth. 

“Rey?” His deep voice soothed her tears through the phone. “How are you feeling?”

“I—“ She didn’t even know what to say. How do you thank someone for not saving your life once but twice? He didn’t have to do that. She just wanted to hold him close and fade into his broad shoulders. “I’m feeling better. My head feels clearer.”

“That’s good. You eat the shi—stuff i brought you?”

“Oh, I didn’t see that!” She looked around the pod and saw a small pile of fruits and snacks. “I’ve not had fresh fruit… ever. Is it as good as I’ve heard?”

“It’s okay.” Ben said. “I’m going to get you some clothes. I don’t want you wearing that ugly hospital stuff. I’ll be by in a couple of hours. Eat the fruit. Are you on your period?”

Rey felt her face flush. “Why?”

“I’m sorry I know that personal. I’m just worried about you leaving the pod and if you need any more stuff for that from the store.” Ben spoke rapidly. 

He was so kind. She felt silly for blushing. He was an adult man and she was an adult woman, but she’d touched herself so many times thinking about him. He’d been truly the only person who’d ever cared for her that was still living. The idea of him thinking about those parts of her, her most tender places, made her heart skip. “I think I should be okay.” She only seldom menstruated. The combination of the restricted diet and administered birth control made it a special occasion. She supposed that would be something new for her to worry about now that she was free. She didn’t mind. Bleeding was worth it. 

“Okay, sorry.” He paused. “Okay. I’m going to get you some clothes. Any requests?”

“Something warm.” Rey felt so comforted by the pod and Ben’s voice. She was tempted to touch herself again, especially now that her mind felt clear and everything was sharp. There were no nurses to interrupt or embarrass her! He wouldn’t be there for a couple of hours! She would eat first, though. The fruit was almost as exciting as the freedom. 

“All right. See you.” He disconnected. 

Rey started with the orange. It had a thick skin on it that didn’t taste pleasant but was very oily and smelled wonderful. Inside the orange’s strange skin was an incredibly tasty and juicy fruit. The taste was acidic—similar to the artificial “orange” juice she’d had before, but much brighter. It tasted like sunshine. She was warm in her pod with her amber light, her freedom, and her sunshine fruit. What would come next? Life felt exciting for the first time since she was a child. She wanted to be alive. 

$$$

Rose Tico had followed him off base. “You’re going clothes shopping?” She’d whistled. “I haven’t done that since we were stationed on Piña colony! Let’s do it!” She’d been all eager to go but then was annoyed when Ben wanted to wear civvies. “Why. We might get a discount in uniform.” She’d elbowed. “Asians and Jews, we love discounts, amirite?” Ben had laughed. 

Now they were inside an enormous Japanese department store that he didn’t remember from when he was a teenager. 

“It’s actually Hawaiian but, yeah, mostly Japanese.” Rose shrugged. “What’re you looking to buy?”

Ben chewed his lips. “Some stuff for a girl.”

Rose’s eyes widened. “Phasma?”

“What? No!” Ben rolled his eyes. “One of my cousins.”

Rose yawned. “Boring. Fine. Let’s look at the women’s stuff.”

Rose helped him pick out some basic pieces for Rey. He only had his small allowance from the service and that was mostly going towards paying for the pod. The rest he’d spent on the vehicle he’d destroyed after the breakout. 

“Hope your cousin likes boring clothes.” Rose laughed. “But you’re on a budget, I get it. Me too.”

“What’re you getting here?” Ben asked. He felt bad that he couldn’t buy Rey nicer clothes. He’d tried to find stuff that was soft and warm and he hoped that made her happy. He wanted to do more for her. 

“Lingerie.” Rose said in a small voice. 

They both blushed. “Well, I’m sure Finn will be happy.”

“Yeah.” She smiled and looked down happily. It was a lonely life in the colonial marines. You took your chances where you got them and connected with who you could. He hadn’t even felt jealous seeing what she and Finn shared. There was such mutual love and respect between them. He couldn’t resent that. That was what everyone wanted. He’d heard them having sex in the barracks and that made him feel a little jealous but glad for them nonetheless. 

What was that even like? How was that possible with what they’d witnessed as colonial marines? 

Something moved in the corner of his eyes and he reacted immediately, shifting his body to cover Rose and block her from whatever it was. It’d been enormous and long and black and shiny like the heads of the Xenos and his stomach instantly rectified itself with the idea of death. 

It was a mannequin being carried by two sales associates. 

His hips hurt. 

“Jumpy much.” Rose muttered. She put a hand on Ben’s shoulder and turned him to face her. 

How could anyone green light the idea of bringing one of those creatures alive to Earth—the origin of human civilisation? He felt sick and his back hurt. Every person in the room suddenly scared him and he was completely alone. Any of them could and would be implanted. No company’s bottom line was worth human lives. He watched a little girl giggle and hold her mother’s hand, admiring jewelry in a display case, her little Afro puffs covered in a pink chalk dye, her smile in every inch of her face and her posture. 

This was stupid. How could he keep his cool shooting down scavengers and rebellions, maintaining order at mining colonies, and making every hard decision… but he couldn’t keep his cool in a department store in Culver City?

Rose squeezed his shoulder. “I’m going to buy this set and we can leave.” She purchased a set of emerald green bra and panties and they left. 

It was raining outside and the sky was dark. “You want me to go with you to drop off your cousin shit?” Rose asked. She could tell something was up. 

He could tell she could tell something was up and it was taking everything in his power not to snap at her. “Sure. But I gotta explain something… and it’s not great.”

Rose’s gentle expression faltered. “Oh so you’re up to some illegal shit. We’ve been wondering why you’ve left the barracks so often. Like, do you even know anyone in LA?”

“I do actually.” Ben dropped his voice. “That’s what this is about.”

He explained everything to her. He shouldn’t confide in anyone but his brain was still reeling from the department store and he needed to talk to someone. Psychological help was essentially nil in the marines. Saying what you were actually experiencing could mean losing your entire livelihood. Part of the reason the units became so close and incestuous was because something needed to fill that role. They were there for each other. He knew he could trust Rose. 

“Wow.” She said, finally. “Solo… that’s… that could be a real problem.”

“Yeah, I know.” He said as they continued their walk to the rental hive. He made sure to keep the both of them sheltered in spite of their massive height difference. “I couldn’t leave her there. She’s a refugee. She’s been hurt. And they were keeping her like a prisoner.”

Rose was quiet. “What’s her name, the girl you rescued?”

“Rey Terani.” He replied, as quietly as possible. 

She sighed. “Solo, they’re already looking for her.” She groaned. “It was on the news feeds. I saw it. They didn’t mention she was a refugee but they’re displaying her picture. We need to get to her NOW.”

Ben’s heart raced and the two of them sped to the hive. 

Rey was inside the pod where he’d left her. She was curled up and eating a banana. She beamed when he opened the pod door and her eyes were much clearer than they had been. She noticed Rose. 

“Hi.” Rose said. “Rose. I’m with Solo. Sit up.”

Rey sat up and gave Ben a worried look. “Rose is all right, Rey. We need to get you out of here.”

“I don’t understand.” Rey started to shiver. Her voice quivered but her expression was strong. “I only just got here.”

“Authorities are looking for you.” Rose whispered. She pulled some tape from her pocket and ripped off two pieces. “We’ve got a plan, though. Shut your eyes.”

Rey looked at Ben before obliging. Rose taped her eyes closed and put two large stickers on her face to distort facial and retinal recognition. 

$$$

Rose’s mothers home was tiny, not that Rey fully grasped that. She just compared it to her home from Kyber, as much as she remembered it. Perhaps homes on the colonies were larger because there were fewer people. Earth was extremely congested, she’d noticed in the very brief time she’d spent outside the asylum. The house was certainly larger than the pod. 

Rose had spoken to her mother rapidly in their language. Rey didn’t know it but she imagined it must be truly lovely for Rose to be able to talk to her mother. 

Ben was standing awkwardly hunched over. The ceilings were lower than his colossal height and he appeared nervous. He didn’t appear nervous—he  _ was  _ nervous. Rey knew it, instinctively, and wasn’t sure how or why but she knew it. He feared that she’d be apprehended and he’d be deployed and powerless to free her again. She wanted to hold him and tell him it was okay, that he’d already done more than enough for her. She wanted to press her face against his massive chest and listen to his heart beat and share the warmth of their bodies. 

Ben looked at her and smiled. “How are you feeling?”

She smiled at him, trying to send the warmth beyond her body and against his fears. “I loved the fruit. It was delicious.”

His entire face creased into an even kinder smile and her chest felt sore. “I’m glad.”

“I don’t want to be a danger to you.” She said, dropping her voice. “I can take care of myself. You freed me. That is more than enough.”

Ben’s smile dropped. “You’re never a danger. You’re never a burden.”  _ I would die for you _ . He didn’t say it but his throat prepared it. “We’ll figure this out together.”

Rose turned from her mother. “She only has one bed and she cannot sleep on the floor because of her back. Do you mind sleeping on the floor, Rey?”

“Not at all.” She flashed Rose’s mother a wide smile. “Thank you so much.”

Rose’s mother smiled at her. She was a very small woman, smaller even than Rose, and appeared frail. Rey wished she could do something to show her her gratitude. She decided she would help clean the house whenever she could. Perhaps she could also learn to cook!

Ben put a hand on her shoulder and she immediately felt her cheeks burn. It was silly of her, she wasn’t sure why it happened, but his presence soothed her so deeply and personally. Being close to him was invigorating and she could trust him because she could see his entire soul. She didn’t know how it was happening. She could sense his mind and his spirit in a way that she’d never experienced with any other person. She’d loved other people, but this was almost a ghostly connection. It would’ve scared her if it wasn’t so overwhelmingly warm and caring. It felt like being wrapped in blankets and fresh from sleep. 

“We’re going to… you cannot leave this house until we figure this out.” Ben said it and she sensed his sadness. He hated the idea of keeping her captive again but he couldn’t think of another way to keep her safe. 

Rey nodded. “I understand.”

Rose surprised her. She rushed over and wrapped Rey in a tight embrace. Rey tensed up initially at the sudden physical contact but then relaxed as her body remembered how to respond. “You’re, like, an honorary marine now, sister. We look out for each other.”

Rey felt deeply touched and tried not to cry. She was so grateful and felt such overwhelming love in that moment. It was like, when she’d been a child, and had been held by her mother. 

She wanted Ben to embrace her, but he simply smiled and then turned and nodded a thank you to Rose’s mother. 

$$$

“Plasma weapons are essential.” Solo reiterated for the fifth time. “These things can be killed but we need sufficient artillery to do it. Regular carbines are not going to cut it, sir.”

“I think, Sergeant Solo, you forget the objective of our mission.” Hux was tired of this conversation. So far this mission was pulling teeth.

Preparations were a nightmare and the only marines he seemed to have on his side were Pride—who would not be accompanying them, of course—and the enormous blonde lesbian whose greatest contribution so far was  _ not _ arguing with him.

Solo may’ve had the most extensive experience and knowledge of dealing with the Aliens, but he certainly was not easy to work with. His hatred for the creatures seemed so intrinsic to his identity that he couldn’t séparate himself from it. It was already negatively effecting preparations. 

“Yeah, bringing a fucking Queen is one thing.” The boy also had no respect for the company and didn’t appear concerned about concealing that. “Strolling into one of their nests is another. You think the drones won’t attack, you’ve got another thing coming for you.”

“No plasma weapons. Company orders.” Hux replied brusquely. 

“Easy to say when you don’t have to leave the ship.” Solo spat on the floor and Hux leapt back. 

“Easy, sergeant.” Captain Dameron approached with his usual swagger. He’d been supervising repairs and updates to the ship. “General Pride tell you the bonus we’re getting when we pull this off? That’s nothing to spit at.”

Hux smiled. Perhaps he had someone else on his side. “Yes, successful completion of the mission will result in significant financial compensation. You don’t want the plasma weapons, Sergeant Solo.”

“Credits are meaningless when you’re dead.” Solo said. “There will be no successful completion of the mission without sufficient artillery.”

“We have our orders.” Captain Dameron said. He looked Solo up and down before turning to Hux. “Upgrades are completed. We’ll be ready to launch after loading is finished.”

“Thank you, Captain Dameron.” Hux smiled. As insufferable and stubborn as Solo was, Dameron was charming. “Are my quarters prepared?” 

“Yeah. It’s all set up. Hyper sleep chambers are all prepped. You’ll just climb in and get a nice long nap.” Dameron winked. “Just one of the perks of interstellar travel.”

Hux had never left the solar system. The furthest he’d been had been a mining colony on Pluto. The idea of being so far beyond everything he’d ever known made his stomach twist but this was his only chance at redemption. Without this mission he wouldn’t be out of a job, he’d be out of a life.  _ When _ it was successfully completed—he tried to think positively—he wouldn’t need to ever work again. The choice between certain death on Earth and unlikely death in some distant world was an easy one. He had to tell himself that and he needed to believe it to get this done. 

$$$


	3. Chapter 3

“So what are we thinking?” Rose sat opposite Ben at his table in the canteen. 

Ben glanced at the cameras before speaking. “If I marry her, she should be able to get Earth citizenship and her imprisonment can be repealed. Also, when I die, she’ll have a small income and medical care.”

Rose raised her eyebrows. “Marry her?”

Ben had done his research. Earth citizenship was acquired through marriage. He’d been born on Earth and it would never be an issue for her. She could be with whoever she liked—though the idea made him necessarily uncomfortable and he wasn’t sure why—he’d be shipped off somewhere and probably die in a year anyway. She’d be safe, that’s what was important. 

“It’s not like it’ll be real. She can do whatever she wants. And I’m not—Rose, you and I both know this is a suicide mission.” He dropped his voice even lower. “It’s greedy bullshit and we’re the collateral. I’ll be dead but I need to know she’s safe.”

Rose nodded. “How you going to find someone to do that before we ship out? She’s a refugee and a fugitive. Even if the marriage plan works, she’s a wanted woman. A legal marriage is going to be difficult.” 

“Yeah that’s the part I’m working on.” He suddenly felt anxious. He’d not heard from Rey since they’d left Rose’s mother’s house. He couldn’t leave the barracks again that day without raising suspicion but his body hurt and he needed to see she was okay. 

Rose reached across the table and patted his hand. “She’s going to be okay.”

Finn dropped his tray full of marine issue bullshit on the table and sat down next to Rose. He narrowed his eyes at Ben. “Watch it, Solo.” Rose elbowed him and he burst into laughter. “Kidding! Kidding! What are we conspiring about?”

Rose smiled. “He wants to get married.”

Finn stopped laughing and contorted his face in confusion. “To… who exactly? I thought you had that problem, you know, with—“

“Yeah, no, It’s so that if anything happens to me this person is protected. Legally and shit.” Ben’s face felt hot and he didn’t want to have this conversation anymore. 

“You know a guy willing to marry a marine and a fugitive?” Rose asked. 

Finn raised his eyebrows. “This just gets more and more interesting.” 

$$$

Rose’s mother didn’t speak any English and Rey didn’t speak any language other than English and two prayers in Hebrew. They managed to communicate through gesture and expression. She seemed such a kind woman. 

The floors of the home were artificial wood and very cold so they had to wear slippers in the house. Rose’s mother—whose name she believed to be Lisa—boiled water throughout the day to keep it clean. She got some of the water from the tap and some of it from buckets she kept under drain spouts. There were only two rooms, the bedroom/bathroom and the kitchen/entryway. 

Lisa was very small and was stronger than she looked but still somewhat feeble. She was also very stubborn, so when Rey tried to help her out she’d often reject it. When it was night time, Lisa wrapped her in a gentle hug and kissed her hand. She brought out a quilt and some cushions and arranged them on the kitchen floor. She then kissed Rey again and retired to her bed. 

After Rey was certain that Lisa was asleep—she could hear little, breathy snores coming from her room—she got up and began to work. In spite of Lisa’s continuous work in the house and business throughout the day, there were some spots that were impossible to clean due to her age and height. Rey grabbed a sponge and a bowl of tap water and some soap and attacked those first. Next she moved the cushions and quilt and mopped and dried the floor. She put away all the dishes that had dried from when Lisa had done them earlier. By the end of it she was very tired and had to pee, but she didn’t want to wake Lisa by going into her room and using the toilet. She pissed in the bowl she’d used for cleaning, dumped it down the sink drain, and then sterilised the sink and the bowl. 

She returned the cushions and quilt to the floor and, though it wasn’t quite as comfortable as the luxurious pod, it was still more comfortable than the asylum. The clothing that Ben had brought her was warm and so soft against her skin. She loved best the way it felt on her hips and shoulders and breasts. She’d not experienced softness like that in her memory. All the gowns at the asylum had been composite material and rough, before that she’d worn the smallest set of fatigues Ben could find her, and before that she’d worn the utilitarian uniform of Kyber colony. She’d never even imagined clothing could be soft like this. 

She knew Ben was stressed by everything and that he desperately wanted to keep her safe. His concern and his care for her warmed her and gave strength and support to her body and mind and soul. She couldn’t help but feel hope. Even if she was a fugitive, even if she was in danger, she was in the home of a kind woman, she’d acquired a new friend—Rose, she had the love of someone she loved in return, and she was wearing soft clothes and had tasted fruit. Life could be beautiful again. It hadn’t been for so long. 

To top everything off, her increasingly clear mind was capable of things that she’d never even imagined possible, in her previously foggy state. Her emotions were unbound and she could feel things, both wonderful and terrible. She could remember things. 

As she lay there, wrapped in the quilt and listening to Miss Lisa’s quiet snores, she remembered something kind to carry her off to sleep. 

It was miraculous that kindness and beauty and hope could flourish in the midst of incomprehensible pain and anguish. She’d been hiding inside a cabinet in one of the locker rooms at the refinery. Ben and one of his fellow marines—someone whose name regretfully escaped her—had barricaded the doors and disabled the lights. Ben’s eyes were lit only by the reflections of the hallway the could be seen through the windows of the room. His weapon was trained towards the door whilst his colleague worked silently. She was repairing their communication with the marine vessel in orbit. They were going to abandon this planet. It was overrun and Rey and the two of them were the only survivors of the effort to clean it. 

“Got it.” The other marine whispered. She turned the volume as low as possible on her comm pack and spoke softly into the microphone: “——- ground team to Colombia, do you read Colombia.”

“Reading you perfectly, ——. Where the hell have y’all been? I’ve been trying to reach you for hours. Thought you might be a lost cause.” The synthetic’s voice—Rey remembered his name, Gander—crackled through the device. 

“Sending coordinates now. Currently inside Williamson refinery, north side, west facing. Secluded but there are bugs everywhere. We’re going to try to get to the north exit. One survivor. How soon can you have an escape vessel to us?”

Rey watched Ben’s face. It didn’t move. 

“Gotcha. To clear the atmosphere it’s going to take me two hours at least. That all good with you?” Gander’s voice said. 

“Gonna have to be.” The marine replied. “We’ll hunker down. Report in when you’re twenty minutes out.” 

“Roger.” Gander said. The device went silent. 

“You hear all that?” The marine said to Ben.

He continued to watch the door and windows but muttered: “Yeah.”

“Two fucking hours, I—“ She was cut off. Out of the shadows, a facehugger—thats what the marines had been calling them—appeared and leapt onto the marine’s face. She didn’t have a chance to even scream. 

Ben’s eyes widened and she saw him scan the room for others. Coming up with nothing, he pulled out a small knife and started trying to pry the creature from the other marine’s face. 

She was writhing on the floor and pulling at the creature. She arched her back and, together with Ben’s knife, they pried the creature from her face. Ben threw it to the ground and impaled it with a piece of rebar. 

The other marine was gasping, as quietly as she could manage. “It implanted. It got its thing down my throat.” She looked at Ben, her eyes filled with tears and her cheeks bleeding from the creature’s claws. “Please.”

Ben’s mouth opened and he exhaled slowly, his expression knowing. He turned to Rey. “Kid,” he whispered. “I’m going to need you to watch the door and count to twenty in your head. Cover your ears but only watch the door. If you see anything… say something.”

Rey hadn’t understood. She’d turned towards the door and done as he said, terrified that another creature would appear and attack her. She’d heard muffled noises through her hands on her ears but she’d kept her gaze on the door. 

After fifteen seconds, she’d heard Ben whisper: “okay, back to your hiding place. Thank you for keeping an eye out.”

Rey had looked at him and saw the other marine on the floor, blood oozing from a knife wound in her eye. She almost screamed but Ben leapt over and covered her mouth. 

“I know.” He’d said. There were tears in his eyes. 

She hadn’t eaten in two days and the combination of the horror, the exhaustion, and the fatigue made her feel like she was going to faint. 

Early in the days of the infestation, some enterprising people had managed to collect some of the Alien Queen’s Royal jelly—that’s what they’d called it. It had a uniquely sweet taste, and, unlike most of the food on Kyber colony, was fresh and flavourful. 

Ben saw her almost faint and he was looking pale himself. He grabbed a jar of royal jelly that was sitting atop the table under which she was hiding. He unscrewed the top and handed it to her. “Eat this.”

She’d felt so scared and shocked that she couldn’t move. 

Ben reached over and pulled her to him, so she was under his right arm, her head resting against his shoulder. He dipped his fingers in the jelly and put some in his mouth: “you need to eat something. I’ll eat it, too. Soon we’ll be on the the Colombia and we can eat French fries, but for right now we gotta eat this.”

She’d put her fingers in the jar and taken some. She put it in her mouth. 

It had been her first and only time trying the jelly. Its sweetness was overwhelming. She didn’t feel scared anymore. She felt purposeful. She felt grief. She felt like she was opening her eyes and actually seeing the world around her for the first time ever. 

Ben looked at her and chewed his lips. He could feel it, too, she knew. He knew his purpose. He knew. “Soon.” He uttered. She felt safe because of him. She knew he had done a kindness to the other marine. Better to die with dignity. 

$$$

Ben awoke before the general wake up call sounded. Fifteen minutes before. His body did it naturally. Today was the day of his injection. 

Once a month, every month, since the time he was fourteen years old, Ben had been receiving the injection. It was one of the more degrading parts of his existence. His favourite day of the month, however, was the day of the injection. That was because, in the hours leading up to it, he experienced a level of mental clarity, creativity, and sexuality that the injection, the moment it entered his bloodstream, rendered impossible. 

He awoke with an erection and it was a comforting and happy feeling for him. He didn’t physically feel very much and when his body was capable of that sensitivity it was an overwhelmingly positive feeling. He reached his hand down the front of his sweatpants and allowed his fingertips to brush against the base of his penis and dance lightly over the shaft. He was so sensitive that he didn’t dare touch the head, lest he hasten the experience and bring it too quickly to an end. 

His body was so warm and cosy under the blankets and he could actually feel the texture of his clothing against his skin. His mind swam with thoughts that normally didn’t allow to present themselves. 

_ Ben. Ben. Ben.  _

It was Rey’s voice and he knew it was an hallucination but the sound made him even more sensitive and he shuddered. That was the point of the injection. He was a special case. His childhood aptitude tests had been off the charts and he’d been drafted into the marines at the age of fifteen, in spite of peaking diagnostically for schizophrenia and bipolar. Those diagnoses would normally preclude someone from the service but his aptitude had been so valuable that he’d been drafted regardless. 

That was where the injection came in. Every month he was injected with heavy antipsychotics. He’d been determined an unfit candidate for the brain surgery that would normally eradicate his conditions and the injection was the only other option that the Colonial Marine Corps found acceptable. But it came with atrocious side effects. His physical sensation was diminished, his emotions were suppressed, and his sexuality was non-existent. He’d never had sex. 

_ Ben. Ben. Ben.  _

It also made him compliant, which the corps loved. He needed to have his wits about him. 

_ You don’t need it, Ben. You need to be you.  _

He needed to not be compliant, both for Rey and for this mission. He was going to die on this mission but he’d be damned if he didn’t take the whole evil planet with him. He needed to make sure Rey would be cared for. If he became too compliant, he ran the risk of compromising her safety. 

He thought about Rey. She was a woman now. She was still the same person as always. He felt stupid. He was like a child. Mentally incapacitated and sexually nonexistent. He deserved to live his life like this—what other option did he have than an asylum?—but Rey didn’t. 

He thought about Rey, turned around in the asylum, taking off her gown. He hadn’t looked. What would he have seen if he had?

He could feel the blood sustaining his erection and felt his breath quicken. He loved feeling like this. It made him feel like a person and not a shell or a number in the colonial marines. He allowed his hands to work over himself and he closed his eyes and focused on the sensation. 

_ Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben! _

He could hear her gasping his name in his head and the orgasm that overcame him was more powerful than any he’d ever experienced. He wanted it to go on forever and he couldn’t help but exhale a long moan as he felt beautiful and warm and sensitive under his rough hands. He imagined soft hands. Rey’s hands. 

He’d ejaculated onto his sweatpants and kept his eyes shut as he ran his fingers over it, wet and warm. It felt so special for him when he ejaculated. His once monthly ritual of actually being a human. 

“Dude.” 

He felt the blood drain from his head and overwhelming embarrassment. He opened his eyes and saw Finn, standing and staring into his bunk. He couldn’t think of anything to say. 

“I didn’t think your, you know, shit worked?” Finn said, gently. 

He didn’t know why he was so mortified. He’d seen many of the other guys masturbating before and he’d seen some of them even having sex. It felt like something he wasn’t allowed to do. Something he was never intended to do. He wondered if he even produced sperm. The corps didn’t run any tests on that, because of his injection. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. You were just… making noise and I didn’t realise you were—you know nevermind. Good for you.” Finn jokingly punched him in the arm and Ben felt strangely aroused by the gesture. Another side effect of not being on the shot yet, the return of physical sensation could be embarrassing. 

“Uh, it’s my shot day.” Ben said, lamely. 

“Right.” Finn nodded, awkwardly. “That’s why shit’s working. It’s worn off. I mean cause normally you don’t even get morning wood from having to pee so I was pretty shocked to see all that.” He really wished Finn would stop talking. 

Ben wanted to peel the skin off of his face and die right there. He wasn’t a person. He wasn’t. He was a shell. He was a tool of the colonial marines and less functional than most synthetics. 

“Did you contact your guy for the marriage thing?” Ben asked, hoping to change the subject. 

Finn nodded slowly. “Yeah. He’s down. Said we can do it today if your, er, fugitive is ready.”

Ben pulled out his mobile comm and dialed Rey. 

$$$

Rey lay on the floor of Miss Lisa’s kitchen, her eyes wide and her body almost numb it was so relaxed. What the hell was that?

Miss Lisa was padding around her room, probably using the toilet and dressing for her day. 

Rey was frozen to the spot. She had awoken to from what felt like the most intense wet dream she’d ever experienced. She felt a mixture of elation and shame. Her panties were completely stuck to her vulva and her entire groin and upper thighs were tingling. 

It hadn’t even been that sexy of a dream but she’d orgasmed so intensely that she’d woken herself. She’d dreamt that she was back in the asylum and that Ben was there, turned away so she could change into the attendant’s clothes. She’d been naked and he’d turned around. She hadn’t felt exposed, she’d felt seen for the first time in her life. She wanted him to drink in her nudity and he did. She’d reached down the front of his trousers and grasped his hard penis. She’d never done that before. She’d never done anything like that before. Then she’d awoke, soaking through her underwear, trembling. 

She felt silly, as the orgasm subsided. She wanted to touch him. She wanted him to touch her. She wanted to explore that side of human experience with him. She’d kissed a few people in the asylum and one girl had touched her breast but that was it. 

As she lay there, fantasising about what intimacy with him would be like, her mobile comm lit up. He was calling. 

“Hello? Ben?” She answered. 

“I’ve got a plan for getting you Earth citizenship so we can have your asylum orders re-examined and you can live as a free woman.” He spoke rapidly and without any introduction. Hearing his voice after her dream made her shift her hips slightly. “We’re going to get married—don’t worry, it’s not for real. It’s just so you can be bestowed Earth citizenship. Got a guy who will do it for us all legal. Once that paperwork is filed then we fill out the application for Earth citizenship. That work for you?”

She didn’t know what to say. Earth citizenship meant that she would be legally protected from involuntary hospitalisation unless it was deemed absolutely necessary. The idea of being married to Ben made her heart leap, but the thought of it not being “for real” made her eyes fill with tears. She was so stupid. “Yes. Thank you so much.”

“Me and Rose will be by in an hour and then we’ll go meet the guy and do the ceremony.” He said. “See you in a few.”

“See you.” She managed. She hung up the call and buried her face in her pillow, sobbing silently. 

$$$

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't complete; I've more to post. Imma try to figure out how to make it not say complete. Soz I'm not super familiar mit this platform. <3


	4. Chapter 4

He had to go in for the injection before he left the base and he felt sick to his stomach. The injection always made him feel drowsy for an entire day and then it removed all sensation and emotion. The corps wanted him to always be a shell. 

His doctor was an older man with small eyes and grey hair named Dr Warren. He was very kindly and sympathetic and Ben hoped that he would listen to what Ben had to say. 

“How’ve you been doing, Binyamin?” Dr Warren always used Ben’s full first name. Normally Ben would find that embarrassing, but since Dr Warren was also a Jew, he found it comforting. 

“I need to ask you something, Doctor. I have been okay. It’s just… the injection takes away everything from me.” He really hoped Dr Warren was listening, but he couldn’t tell from his face. “I’m… I’m getting married today and—“

“Nice Jewish girl?” Dr Warren smiled. 

Ben felt his cheeks flush. He wished it were an actual marriage and he felt stupid for wishing that. No woman would want that. “Yes, actually. Persian Jewish girl. She’s very beautiful and—“

“Gotta make sure all your equipment’s working.” Dr Warren winked. “I understand. It’d be a sin to deny her that! It’s a bride’s right!” He laughed. “But seriously; it’s a mitzvah.” He exhaled slowly. “If I give you that injection you’re going to have a lot of difficultly having intercourse—“

“Doc, when I’m on the shot I can’t even get an erection.” Ben said, straight up. It was mortifying. He hated himself so much. Dr Warren actually giving a shit about this sham marriage made him feel almost like he saw him as a person. “I really want to be with her, doc.”

Dr Warren muttered to himself and examined his comm device to look at Ben’s chart. “Binyamin, your psychosis is severe. However, the injection’s half-life in your system… how are you doing? Are you experiencing symptoms? Increased anxiety? Psychosis?”

“No,” Ben lied. 

Dr Warren scratched his chin. “You’re being deployed soon and going straight into hyper sleep so it makes no difference, except for tonight obviously.” He smiled. “I think we can skip it this once, but the moment you experience  _ any _ symptoms, Binyamin, you let me know.”

“Thank you, Doc.” Ben could’ve cried. His head felt so clear and the idea that he’d be able to feel things for a bit made him so excited. 

“You show that girl a good time.” Dr Warren elbowed him. “Mazel tov.”

$$$

Finn decided to accompany them to Rose’s mother’s house. “We may as well get married.” Finn pressed Rose’s shoulder as they walked towards her mother’s home. “Right?”

Rose glowered at him. “I told you I want a proper wedding. With flowers.”

Finn grimaced. “Yeah okay. I know. I just really love you.”

He said it so casually and Rose merely smiled in response. Ben couldn’t imagine how that must feel for them. The emotional security and support they must share seemed impossible to him. 

_ That’s not for you _ , someone said inside his brain. It was an hallucination and he knew that but it didn’t stop it.  _ You don’t get that. You are a shell. You are less than a synthetic. You are not human. You are not for yourself.  _ He felt a sudden wave of emotion surge behind his eyes and he had to grit his teeth and focus intensely on the ground to subdue it.  _ Not now _ , he told himself.  _ We can cry and rage when we’re alone _ . 

Rose’s mother’s house was as they left it from the outside, but once Rose pulled open the door the interior was noticeably different. 

It hadn’t been messy before, but there had been some dust and a few things out of place. The interior was spotless. 

Rose’s mother beamed at them from the stove where she was boiling some water. “Hello.” She said. 

Rey emerged from the other room and the emotional surge that he was trying to contain was instantly calm. She was breathtaking. Her smile was impossibly kind and he felt a tightness in his lower stomach and sensitivity in his groin. He tried to mentally suppress that before it became noticeable. He thought about what a worthless person he was and how he was only alive due to luck which wasn’t deserved because of his mental deficiencies. That seemed to do the trick. He still felt more sensitive than he was used to feeling with the injection. 

Rey rushed forward and smiled. She embraced Rose and smiled politely at Finn, who introduced himself. She then turned to Ben and blushed. He didn’t know what that meant but felt comforted by it nonetheless. 

Finn’s acquaintance was waiting for them in a tiny studio in Koreatown. He’d brought with him the appropriate documents. 

It felt very surreal and Ben felt peeled from his body, like his ghost was hovering over his head. He’d always imagined—when he’d dared to imagine marriage, usually in the brief window before the injection—that it’d be under a chuppah and his parents would be there and he’d make beautiful Jewish children. But here he was in a studio apartment in Koreatown, secular marriage, to a woman who… he didn’t know how she felt about him. It felt wrong to feel anything. He was older than her, but not significantly, but he was a eunuch as far as the world was concerned. He could feel enough to feel vaguely sick to his stomach. 

Rey was wearing a dress she’d borrowed from Rose’s mother. It was a simple, quilted sheath, that looked exactly like the sort of thing an old woman would wear, but looked extremely cute on Rey. 

They exchanged brief vows. Signed papers. Had photos taken for the papers. And then were prompted to kiss. 

Ben tried to keep his soul from his body but it returned with a vengeance. He smiled at Rey in a way that he hoped would allay any discomfort that this might cause her. Her expression was enigmatic. He leant forward and planted a chaste kiss on her lips. The tightness returned to his stomach and he could feel the beginnings of another erection. He thought cruel thoughts about himself and how she must hate him and how dreadful he was, but it wasn’t sufficient to distract from the sensation of his lips on hers. When they broke apart, her cheeks were flushed again. 

He turned away from her and Finn grabbed his elbow. “Tuck it in your waistband, dude.” He muttered. 

Mortifying. Everything had to be fucking mortifying. He tried to do what Finn instructed as subtly as possible and seemed to succeed. 

“Paperwork is submitted. Have a blessed day, Mr and Mrs Solo.” The officiant smiled at them. 

Rose and Rey were whispering together. 

As a group they left the apartment and went for dumplings at a small cafe. It was raining again and the dark walls and narrow interior of the cafe made it intensely cosy. They sat in a booth, Rose and Finn on one side of the table and Rey and him on the other. 

“Next step is to get her Earth citizenship application papers submitted.” Rose said, gesturing with a dumpling between her chopsticks. “Maybe get them expedited so we know for sure before we ship out.”

“Where are you all going?” Rey asked, after she swallowed her dumpling. 

There was a long pause during which Finn, Rose, and Ben exchanges uncomfortable looks. 

“It’s classified, Rey—“ Finn started, but Ben cut him off. 

“We’re going to their homeworld. The xenomorphs that killed your parents.” He said. 

Rey’s eyes widened in horror and it felt like alarm bells were ringing in his head. He tried to quiet them. “What?” She asked, gobsmacked. “You can’t! There’s no reason—that’s too dangerous—why would they send you there?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Ben said. He wanted to tell her, but he worries that’d be going to far and Finn or Rose would feel uncomfortable. “We’re going to get you Earth citizenship before that happens. You’ll be a free woman.”

Rey’s eyes were filled with tears. “I don’t care about that!” She said abruptly. “I know you’re trying to protect me, like you’ve always protected me, but there’s no good reason for them to send you there unless you’re atomising the place from orbit! You saved me so you can go off and die! I don’t want that. I’d rather be in the asylum if you got to live.”

Finn looked at Rose with another expression Ben couldn’t parse. He felt terrible. 

“We don’t have a choice.” He said, morosely. “Unless we want to be trapped on a prison colony until the day we die. May as well die doing something.”

“May as well not die at all!” Rey retorted. 

“That’s not an option.” Ben said. He knew his expression was probably making her more agitated. He didn’t express much with his face sometimes and that made people uncomfortable. Another reason he wasn’t a person. 

Rey fumed. She stared at the dumplings on her plate for a long moment, before finally saying: “fine. Then I’m going with you.”

“Rey—“ Ben started. She cut him off. 

“I’m your wife. They must make some allowances for wives. I’m not going to live on Earth whilst you’re off dying in Hell.” Her expression was resolute. 

Ben looked at Rose. 

“Rey,” rose offered. “We’re marines. It’s our job to go to dangerous places and do dangerous things. We signed up for this. You didn’t.”

“Well, I’m signing up now.” She snapped. 

Ben felt separated from his body. This was the opposite of what he wanted to have happen. He needed Rey to be safe. The idea of her being in danger scared him much more than his certain death on the Xeno homeworld. 

He constructed a new plan: drop Rey back off at Rose’s mother’s house and never contact her again. She wouldn’t have any choice. She’d be stuck on Earth. And she’d be safe. No choice. 

$$$

“Married?” Captain Poe whistled. “You? But I thought you had that thing? You know the sex problem?”

Ben felt anger and embarrassment much more strongly than he did when he was on the injection and it took everything in his power not to deck his captain then and there. He dropped a 3 of spades on the pile of cards. “Yeah. I do.”

Poe winced at the card. That meant Ben would take the book. Finn and Rose both grumbled. 

“She’s so cute, man.” Finn said, pushing the cards towards Ben. 

“You got any pictures?” Poe said, crossing his arms. He was going to be under on books and that would really mess up his score. Spades was a tough game. “Nothing too risquée—remember, I’m not into girls like that.”

Finn showed him the photo that had been taken of Rey and Ben together signing the marriage documents. 

It was a relaxing evening. They’d dropped Rey back at Rose’s mother’s home and returned to the base. They were inside one of the hangars after running a few pre-departure tests. The light was low. The ceilings were immense. Rain was thrumming on the tin. Captain Poe was resting his boots on a discarded canister. 

Rey had still been furious when they dropped her off. Ben felt horrible for that. He never wanted her to hurt, even if it was in her best interests. He wanted everything to be kind for her. It hurt him to think of her upset and he wished it didn’t have to be this way. He knew the whole situation must feel degrading and frustrating for her. The idea of anyone having to marry the likes of him so she could have rights was tragic. He wanted her to have a future. 

“She’s cute.” Captain Poe said. “Tiny boobs.”

“Hey man, don’t knock the itty bitty titties. Those things are sensitive and juicy as hell.” Finn laughed. 

Rose giggled. Ben felt embarrassed but tried not to express it. He found Rey very attractive but knew that that wasn’t something he could want or expect. 

“Well, I hope you enjoyed her. I know you all think you’re going to die on this mission, but I’ll be damned if I let that happen.” Poe looked very sincere. “You’ll see her again, Solo.”

Ben broke eye contact. This was a suicide mission. He was going to die and the sooner he emotionally rectified himself with that, the better. 

His comm device buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to look at it. No one else was looking at theirs, so he doubted it was mission related. 

There was a message from Rey on the screen: “marriage was denied and they’re giving me ten hours to surrender to authorities”

His stomach flipped and the blood drained from his shoulders. 

Beneath it was a message from the state’s marriage authority: “Binyamin Lior Anakin Skywalker Solo and Rey Levana Halevy Terani request for marriage denied. Request denied for the following reasons…”

He swiped open the message. His face felt simultaneously frozen and burning. It was only him and his comm device. Everyone else and all the sounds of the hangar had ceased to exist. 

“... Request denied for the following reasons:

  1. Binyamin Lior Anakin Skywalker Solo lacks appropriate medical papers granting right to marriage to Genetically Problematic Individual class II (GPI2), schizophrenic, bipolar. 
  2. Rey Levana Halevy Terani lacks approval from Kyber governing body to marry an Earth citizen.



Rulings are final and not subject to appeal.”

He thought he might faint. His head felt like it was being squeezed. 

“Hey, man, what’s happening?” Finn’s voice. Finn’s hand was on his should. Finn was looking at him with concern. 

“Judge denied the marriage. They’re coming for her.” He said. He was pretty sure he drooled when he said it. 

“What? Are you serious?” Finn sounded angry. 

“They denied your marriage?” Poe asked. “Solo… man, I’m so sorry.”

Ben decided to take a risk. It was a dumbass risk and he knew it was but it was the only one he could take. He hated it. It sickened him but he had nowhere left to turn. He’d overestimated his influence as an Earth citizen. 

“She’s a refugee. The authorities are coming for her to imprison her. Her colony doesn’t exist anymore. She has nowhere to go to.” He looked at Poe. 

Poe stared back at him. “What’re they gonna do If they get her?”

“She’s been in prison for ten years. They were drugging her. Punishing her for trauma she can’t help.” This wasn’t part of the plan, but he started to cry. Mortifying, as usual. “Captain, I don’t know what to do. I can’t let her get captured again.”

Poe looked down his nose, his expression enigmatic. “How much time you got?”

“Ten hours.” Ben replied. 

“Okay.”

$$$

Rey had barely had time to process how scary the ruling was, but it was starting to sink in. She was undressed down to her skivvies and drinking the fluid concentrate preceding hyper sleep. 

Kyber colonial authority was required for any independent legal choice she made? Could no one in the government read? She was all that was left of the colony. No wonder she’d been imprisoned, if this was how Earth law worked. 

She was grateful that Ben’s captain had been so gracious. She was getting what she wanted, she was getting to be with Ben, but what she was heading towards would most likely end her life. She’d been given more information on the mission and none of it had allayed her fears. 

“It’s going to be okay. A little messy, but okay.” Ben said. He wrapped her in an embrace and she was extremely aware of how small the clothing that separated them was. She wanted to push her body in closer to him, to feel more of him, but she decided against it. 

“Have a good sleep, Rey.” Captain Poe shook her hand. “See you on rising.”

Ben helped her climb into the hyper sleep chamber for the second time in her life. His hands were big and gentle. She wanted them to never let go. 

The chamber closed and she lost consciousness, the last thing she was was Ben’s big, brown eyes, watching her with fear. 

$$$

Poe wouldn’t talk to him after that. Ben could tell it wasn’t personal, but that doing this put him in a very difficult position. Should they survive—which Ben was absolutely certain they would not—he would be severely punished for his actions. 

The day before sleep/launch had been peculiar. Hux, the company man, continued to be condescending and foolish in his estimation of the aliens. 

“They’ve wiped out multiple colonies. Wiped. Out. You really think your green ass is going to roll up and abduct a queen without a tussle?” He’d finally spat when Hux had said something particularly stupid. 

“Most of our colonies are inadequately prepared for alien threats. That has changed.” Hux replied, coolly. 

No one was pleased with the mission. Though Ben was the only one in their unit who’d fought the bastards face-to-face, everyone knew that those things killed marines and everyone wanted revenge. 

Ben couldn’t fathom how profit could be valued over multiple human lives. The company must’ve known that there would be casualties, and that was more acceptable to them than going into the red. 

He’d slipped into his hyper sleep chamber and tried to enjoy his last breath before he was off to certain doom. He vowed that at the very least the ship couldn’t be compromised. He needed to ensure Rey lived. He inhaled slowly and exhaled. 

“Sweet dreams!” Poe called out before closing his casket. 

Ben went under. 

$$$


	5. Chapter 5

Water was flooding into her lungs and she couldn’t breathe. She was writhing and could see the xenomorph before her, tail poised to impale her, terrifying teeth bared. She opened her mouth to scream but she could only gurgle as her throat was inundated with more and more water. 

She inhaled and enormous gasp and her lungs filled with air. She opened her eyes. 

Her hyper sleep chamber was open and she was exactly where Ben had left her. The closet where they’d hidden her sleeper was cramped and dark. There weren’t any Xenos. She’d been dreaming. 

She made to climb out of the chamber but her legs felt weak and her foot shook from the effort. She needed to get out, though. The chamber was so cold now that it was open and she could see the blanket that the captain had left for her sitting nearby. She braced herself and headed out of the chamber, her legs almost buckling under her on the floor. She grabbed the blanket and wrapped it tight around her, sliding down to the floor and breathing deeply. 

_ Their homeworld.  _

She could hear his voice in her head. He must be awake, too. She knew he was scared and she was scared to lose him. He was the only person she had left. 

She shivered on the floor and closed her eyes. In spite of being in the hyper sleep for months, she felt exhausted and nauseous. She hoped that she’d be able to eat something. She wasn’t sure if she was allowed to leave the closet. 

Who was stopping her?

The thought rattled her but also elated her.  _ No one _ . She was light years from Earth and Earth authority. She could do whatever she wanted. What would they do? Turn around? That would cost more than she was worth. Plus she had the captain on her side. 

She struggled to her feet and stumbled towards the door. It was an enormous steel door with utilitarian bolts in it. There was a small keypad next to it and for a moment she feared that there would be a code, but it only had one button: open/shut. She pressed it. 

The door groaned and slid slowly open, obviously heavier than the mechanism wanted. She slipped out. 

Beyond the door was a corridor, dark and with its walls covered in pipes and wires. The corridor extended beyond her to the left and right and there were some muffled sounds coming from the left. 

Timidly, she stumbled towards the left. Her legs were slowly waking up but they were still very weak. 

For a moment her brain surged with anxiety. What if they don’t need Earth authority? What if you’re shot on the spot? What if this is it? What if they’ve been awake for weeks and we’re actually back on Earth?

She rounded a corner and the main hyper sleep chamber was revealed. It looked like everyone was just waking up. She spotted the captain yawning and squatting beside a chamber. Then her gaze fell on Ben. 

He was sitting with one leg out of his hyper sleep chamber. His posture was hunched and his black hair had grown in hyper sleep. It was curly and thick. He was wearing a small pair of white shorts. There was a stripe of black hair connecting his navel down to the top of the shorts and continuing underneath. His body was muscular and heavy looking. There were some scars on his chest and arms and one on his thigh. Her gaze lingered there. Slipping up towards the small, white shorts. She didn’t know why she kept wanting to look at them. Her imagination had explored that area of him many times and her curiosity was almost painful. What would it be like to be touched by a man who cared about her?

“I don’t believe we’ve be introduced!” A sharp, male voice exclaimed. 

She tore her eyes from Ben and saw a thin, ginger man glaring at her. “Captain… is this a stowaway? I’d’ve thought you ran a tighter ship than this! Good luck with where we’re going.” He vomited into a bag. “I’m going to shower. Where’s my shower.”

A perfectly calm looking man approached him helped him to his feet. This was likely a synthetic, as he was wearing coveralls instead of the hyper sleep skivvies. “I can show you to the showers, Mr Hux. Please, come this way.”

“ _ Showers? _ ” The man—Hux—gagged. “Captain, is this to say I don’t have private bathing quarters?”

“No one does.” The captain shrugged. “Welcome to the marines.”

Ben fully emerged from his sleep chamber and donned a heavy blanket over his shoulders. He shivered and Rey wished she could press herself against him again, like when they’d embraced before hyper sleep. 

“Meal time. BB8 is serving.” The captain nodded towards the synthetic that was helping Hux from his chamber. “In the forward mess. You care to join us, Rey?”

She nodded. “I’m very hungry.”

The captain smiled warmly at her. She could see Finn and Rose and dozens of other marines emerging from their chambers. “That’s the spirit.”

He walked over to her unsteadily and she was suddenly very aware of how small and revealing her skivvies were. Just as Ben’s shorts were practically transparent, she knew the captain and the other marines—including Ben—could probably see her hardened brown nipples and her black pubic hair. She felt very naked and strange. 

He placed a hand on her back and walked her to a small room just off the hyper sleep quarters where grey sweat suits were stacked. “Grab some clothes. It’s freezing. Can’t have you being sick out in the middle of Bum Fuck Egypt.” He laughed and grabbed a pair of trousers himself, pulling them on. 

Rey dressed self-consciously and followed the captain to the mess. 

The mess was a room large enough to accommodate all of the ship’s passengers but not so big as to seem spacious. There was something vaguely claustrophobic about it. The ceilings were low and the lighting was harsh. Octagonal shaped tables were sprinkled throughout at regular intervals, flanked by uncomfortable looking plastic chairs. 

The synthetic was hurriedly putting steaming dishes on each table. She sat down by the captain at one of the octagons. 

“How was your sleep?” The captain asked, picking up the black coffee that’d just been placed before him and taking a swig. 

Rey gulped. She felt less nervous around this man and didn’t feel as embarrassed about having been practically nude in front of him. “It was fine, thank you. A few nightmares towards the end.”

The captain raised his thick, black eyebrows. “Nightmares? You must have one tough subconscious. The only other person I know who can construct dreams in hyper sleep is Solo and his aptitude is like, fucking absurd, pardon my language.”

Rey blushed. She loved being compared to Ben and that they experienced similar things. It made her feel warm all through her torso. “I didn’t know that was unusual.”

“No shit it’s unusual,” he scoffed. “Could use a brain like yours in the corps. Shit.” He grimaced. “Again, pardon my language, Miss. None of us are used to being around civilian ladies. If anyone looks at you sideways, send them to me and I’ll sort them out, Mrs Solo.”

Rey blushed deeper at the name. “Do you have a partner, Captain Dameron?” She asked. He was so kind to her. How the universe create such kindness with such brutality?

“Mm. I did but then I got promoted and had to end that.” He looked down at the octagon. “They always make you choose in our line of work.”

“I’m sorry.” She said. “They denied me and Ben’s marriage too.”

The captain nodded. “I heard about that. Bullshit. Doesn’t matter how whacked out Solo is, he’s one of the best I’ve ever seen. The idea that they don’t want the two of you breeding is absurd.” He wanted to ask something, she could tell, but he held his tongue. “If that’s possible, I mean.”

“What do you mean—?” She started, but faltered when she saw Ben, Hux, and the rest of the unit enter. 

Ben immediately joined them at their table. He was wearing the same Colonial Marines issue sweats that she was wearing. On her they looked like she was swimming in clothing but on him they sat close to his body and showed off his muscles. Unfortunately, Hux joined them as well. He was wearing a black suit and still looked green about the gills from hyper sleep. 

“Are you going to explain how a stowaway got aboard your vessel, Captain Dameron?” Hux said, gulping at the glass of water in front of him on the table. “Who the fuck are you?” He asked her, point blank. 

“I’m Rey.” She responded. 

“That tells me jack shit.” Hux replied, glowering. 

“She’s sergeant Solo’s wife, Mr Hux.” the Captain said, graciously. He smiled at Ben. “Mazel tov, again, on your nuptials.”

“Thanks.” Ben said, sheepishly. 

“There wasn’t any mention of a wife in your dossier, Sergeant.” Hux said, his eyes narrowed. 

“We got married a day before hyper sleep.” Ben said. His voice was so deep and rough from the sleep. “I don’t think it’s been updated yet.”

Hux appraised the two of them for a moment. “I’m writing a complaint.”

The captain laughed. “Oh my g-d, a complaint! Oh shit fellas! What’ll we do!?”

Hux glared at him and pulled a tablet out of his jacket. “How do I access transmissions received whilst in transit?”

The captain leant over and helped him with the device. Rey stole a glance at Ben whilst he did. Ben’s complexion was slowly returning after hyper sleep and the corner of his mouth was twitching. She reached under the table and found his hand, taking it and squeezing it. He looked at her suddenly and let out a quiet gasp before returning the squeeze. 

_ I hope you slept well _ , she thought. 

_ I did but I always dream. How about you? _ He replied. 

Her eyes widened when she realised what had happened and he searched her face as if expecting her to betray that they hadn’t just communicated telepathically. She could offer no such comfort. She didn’t understand how it happened or how she was so sure it had happened and wasn’t her imagination, but she did and she was. 

_ I don’t understand _ , he thought.  _ How is this happening? _

_ I don’t know _ , she replied.  _ But it is _ . 

“Okay, no handies under the table, Mrs Solo!” The captain elbowed her, laughing. “Don’t want to make the other men jealous.”

Rey wasn’t sure what he meant but Ben shot him an angry and embarrassed look. 

Hux glared at her again. “What did you say your name was, again?”

“Rey.” She replied. 

“Rey Solo.” The captain added. 

“And what was your name before your hasty little marriage, Mrs Solo?” Hux’s questions were cool and Rey felt a pang of anxiety. 

“Rey Terani.” She said. 

“There it is.” Hux smiled at the Captain. “She’s the refugee from the Kyber colony they were looking for. Is that how you two lovebirds met, fighting Xenos on Kyber?” He looked between Rey and Ben, fixating on Ben. “What exactly is your intention, bringing this woman with us?”

“Rey possesses substantial knowledge and experience with the Xenos far outweighing my own, Mr Hux.” Ben’s voice was deep and smooth as silk. His mouth only twitched a little. “I brought her from the facility in which she’d been imprisoned because I thought that she would be of use to our current mission. I apologise my methods were not above board. I won’t make the same mistake again.”

Rey expected another series of threats but instead Hux looked impressed. “I’m glad you’re finally coming around, Sergeant. This mission will push you over into lieutenant, I don’t doubt it.”

“Thank you.” Ben said, quietly. 

_ Thank you,  _ Rey thought. 

_ Of course _ , Ben replied. He looked at her and his eyes twinkled. 

$$$

“One week out from Xeno homeworld,” the Captain called at the end of the meal. “Check your messages. Your individual schedules have been updated. There’s going to be a lot of prep in a short amount of time and I need you all to be on it.”

Everyone responded affirmatively and began to shuffle out of the room. Rey turned to the captain. “Where will I be staying?” She felt silly for not asking these questions prior to their departure. She saw Rose across the room and they waved to each other. 

“Shit… you can stay in your hyper sleep chamber if you want, just don’t activate it… uh….” he looked at Ben. “She’ll stay in your room. Fuck it. I don’t care.” Ben blushed. 

She followed him to his quarters, which were a tiny spartan chamber just off from the main sleeping quarters. At least there was some privacy. There was one bed, narrow, possibly too small even for Ben alone, a toilet and sink, and a couple of photographs taped to the pipes above the bed. 

The photos showed a couple. A woman with long brown hair and a man with a smug and endearing expression on his face. “Who are they?” She asked. They looked like they must be family. 

“My parents.” He said. He was setting up a blanket on the floor and arranging it so there would be sufficient space. “They’re on the prison colony at Kessel.”

Rey spun to face him. “Why are they there? Isn’t that for political prisoners?”

“Communists.” Ben gulped. He glanced at the pictures before looking away. “Communist partisans. They’ve been locked up there since I was ten.”

Rey wanted to touch him but stopped herself. Being in a closed space with him was already making her blood pump much harder than it usually did. “I can see your thoughts.”

“I know.” He looked puzzled. “I thought I was imagining it. I can see yours.”

“I don’t know why.” She said, looking him in the eye. “But I’m glad.”

There was a moment between them. The tension was so strong that Rey felt like by standing still she was pulling away from him, that if she’d let go she would’ve drifted right to him. 

“Me too.” He said, and smiled. 

$$$


	6. Chapter 6

He was startled awake in the middle of his sleep cycle by a scream. He had been sleeping on the floor and the scream had been Rey’s. He leapt up and turned on a light. 

She was sitting in bed, her arms wrapped around her legs, pulled tight to her chest, crying. “I’m sorry.” She wept. “It was a nightmare.”

He knelt down beside the bed, on top of his own makeshift bedding, and put a hand to the side of her face, wiping some of her tears with his thumb: “it’s okay. I’m here.”

She looked at him, her eyes swollen and red from crying. Her entire face was pink, all the way to the tops of her ears. She sniffed and then leant forward and wrapped him in an embrace. “I know. Thank you.” She said. 

He put his arms around her back and pressed his face against her shoulder. She was so small and warm and delicate. He could feel a few of her ribs through the back of her sweater and her small breasts pressing against his chest. 

She pulled away from him and the pinkness in her face had gone down. “Is it okay if I sleep beside you? I’m sorry, I don’t mean to disturb your sleep. I just… I feel a lot better when I’m with someone.”

_ I’ve not been held by someone in my sleep since my parents were still alive.  _ She thought. 

He nodded and wordlessly moved onto the bed. “How you want to do this?” He asked. He’d shared a bed before with several other marines and the best option was back to back, especially with other guys. He worried for a moment, since he still hadn’t taken the injection, that his body might be something to trouble them. He felt embarrassed for even thinking it. 

“Could you hold me?” She asked. She positioned herself so her hips were in line with his. She wanted to be little spoon. 

He’d been little spoon before to Captain Poe once when they were on a mission on the Cygnus asteroid belt. It was a comfortable place to sleep. He kept thinking about the injection. Maybe he was wrong to skip it. Maybe he should go to the medical quarters right now and demand the synthetic shoot it into his system. 

He lay down beside her as she wanted but he was feeling increasingly on edge. Her head smelled wonderful, it didn’t smell like Finn (who smelled really nice) or Poe or anyone else in the unit, it was its own unique chemical cocktail and it was invigorating. She turned around to look at him and the puffiness around her eyes only made them appear brighter. His proximity to her was making him feel warm and safe, a feeling he had to consciously fight if he didn’t want to become aroused, it was becoming more and more difficult though. 

“Why are you so tense?” She asked. She’d turned completely to face him. She studied his face and he felt like she could see through him. Her cheeks flushed almost as red as they had been from crying. “There’s not a day that I haven’t thought about you since I was a little girl.” 

She touched the side of his face and that was the end of him being able to hold back. His genitals became very sensitive and he felt like he needed to run and hide but also never wanted to move. He hoped she didn’t notice. He wasn’t brushing against her yet so she probably didn’t. “I never forgot you. The moment I found out about the asylum I started figuring out ways to get you out of there. I’m sorry this was the best I could do.”

She smiled and he felt his stomach clench. Her hands were so soft against his cheek. “You never need to apologise. You’ve saved me again and again. I just need to know.” Her cheeks were burning pink and he could feel the warmth radiating from her. “If you feel the same way about me.”

He didn’t know what she meant and he was feeling more and more aroused and more and more ashamed by it. He wondered if the waistband thing would work okay in sweatpants. Remembering the waistband thing made him remember their kiss before the marriage agent. He chewed on his lips. 

_ I love you, Ben. I’ve always loved you.  _

Her thoughts were warm and gentle and seemed to wrap around the anxiety ridden mess that was his brain. It was like that first dip into Xeno zip or that feeling of playing with himself before the injection. It was like the warm embrace of his parents before they’d been apprehended with the rest of their cell and shipped off to Kessel. It was like when he won at spades and instead of getting decked he got cheered. 

He looked at her. Her smile was enormous and her eyes were so bright. 

He leant forward and kissed her, chastely at first, like they had at their wedding. But then she brought both hands up on either side of his face and pulled herself in closer, deeper. He kissed her with every warm and kind feeling his body could produce. He wanted her to feel his love in every second their lips were together. 

She pulled away from him and gasped for air, her smile still ecstatic. Her expression changed for a moment and he knew why. He was fully erect and he’d definitely brushed up against her. He felt momentarily mortified, though at the same time so aroused that everything just felt fantastic regardless, until her smile returned. 

“I’ve never had sex.” She said. She kept looking down at his erection and back at him as if he knew what to do. 

“Yeah me neither.” He said. 

They were both still for a moment. Then she took one of his hands and guided it under her sweater, onto one of her small, hard nipples. It felt special and the way she reacted to it made it even more special. She sighed and kissed him again and his brain was on fire. 

He wasn’t sure why he did it—maybe this stuff did come natural, even to the likes of him—but he took his other hand and reached down into the front of her sweatpants. She sighed deeper and he felt her silky, curly pubic hair and then her lower lips, which were coated in a warm, slimy natural lubricant. 

He didn’t really know what he was doing and he was playing it by sensation and her reaction. He brushed over a small, button like piece that made her shudder and whimper, her expression almost pained. He kissed her again and brushed against it again with his thumb. He knew his hands weren’t as soft as hers and he hoped their roughness wasn’t making this unpleasant. He kept brushing against it and her breath was becoming quicker. 

“Okay.” She said, after a few moments between gasps. She reached down and guided one of his fingers into what he had to assume was her vagina. One finger seemed almost too much for it. His other hand was still on her breast and she was kissing him ferociously. Her breath was getting quicker and quicker and she was moving her hips so his finger was sliding in and out. Then her breath stopped and her whole body tensed, including the vaginal muscles around his finger. She gasped a few times and then sighed before her body relaxed. 

He kissed her again, keeping his hands where she’d left them. He’d completely forgot about himself. He’d been so focused on her and her excitement. 

She emerged from the kiss with the most blissful smile he’d ever seen. He wanted to rain kisses down on her forever. He loved her so much and she loved him. 

Once her breath had completely slowed she’d readjusted herself. Her breathing was still shaky but she reached down and slid his finger out from inside her. She was so beautiful. Her cheeks were flushed and her grin was mischievous. Her vagina too, even though he hadn’t seen it yet, was so sweet and warm and wet. It seemed to radiate the same warmth and kindness that the rest of her did. He kissed her again, gently. There was so much love between them. This was the kind of intimacy he’d only ever dared to fantasize about. He never thought he’d experience it, least of all with someone he cared for so deeply. 

Whilst kissing him, Rey shakily dropped her hands between them again and started massaging his erection through his sweatpants. His entire scalp lit up and his kisses became more hungry. He was so sensitive. Were other people this sensitive? He couldn’t think about that. He had to keep his eyes closed or else this would end too quickly and he wanted it to go on forever. What would it be like to have her actually touch him, skin to extremely sensitive skin? 

He didn’t have to wonder for long. He didn’t see what happened but Rey’s kisses became messier which made his own breath quicken. He could tell his climax was approaching but he really never wanted this to end. One of Rey’s soft and delicate hands slipped down through his waistband and fumbled around his genitals. Her hand was shaking still but just having her touch him was enough. He came and it felt like heaven opened up above his head and poured the songs of angels into his brain. He felt like he might’ve blacked out for a moment but he didn’t. 

He opened his eyes and Rey was still there in front of him, her little hands still down the front of his pants, smiling. She chewed her lips and kissed him again. “You’re so beautiful.” She said, her voice soft. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He said, stupidly. But he couldn’t think of anything else to say. It was like his brain and his joints had been replaced with down. Everything felt soft and sweet and kind and relaxed. 

Rey giggled. “I don’t want to move my hands.” Her cheeks reddened. 

His stomach felt tight again and he kissed her. “I love you so much, Rey.”

She returned the kiss fiercely and he could tell she wanted more but he needed to bask in this moment for just a little while longer. “I love you so much.” She said between kisses, and he felt it through her mind. 

She was rubbing up against him and her hands had gone from shaking to eager on his penis, which was so exciting, but he wasn’t sure he was ready for round two. He needed a moment. He wanted them to be still for a second, even as his erection returned. “Rey?” He said, his voice catching. “Can we just sleep?”

She looked momentarily disappointed but recovered quickly. He felt a little guilty and he was eager too but he wanted to relish this. He’d never felt so happy and virile and loved and loving. He kissed her again, and her hands slowly disengaged from his penis. She pulled her hands out of his sweatpants and pressed them up against his chest. He knew he was poking her and that probably felt like it was contradicting what he was saying but he meant it. He also wasn’t sure how things were going to work if she wanted to have penetrative sex if one of his  _ fingers  _ felt like a lot to her. He couldn’t believe he was even getting to think about such things! 

She turned around so her back was against his chest and her hips were inline with his, his erection now poking at her backside. She nuzzled up against it and took his hands and wrapped them around her waist. He could see over her shoulder that she was smiling and looked so content. This was a thousand times better than the mornings before the injection. His mind felt clear and his body felt perfect and his heart felt full. 

$$$


	7. Chapter 7

Rey awoke the next morning feeling better rested than she had from the hyper sleep. Ben’s arms were still around her waist and were warm and heavy. She smiled to herself and shifted a bit.

Ew. 

Her underwear were stuck completely to her crotch. All of last night’s wetness had transformed into a thick glue slick. She moved her hips again, trying to rid herself of the feeling but it stayed, something else was there, though. 

She rolled over so she was facing him. Ben was snoring which was somehow touching to her. It was so cute to see him heavy with sleep. His penis seemed very awake though. 

She put a hand on his shoulder and shook him. He stayed snoring. She shook him again and leaned forward, so she wasn’t touching his erection, which was difficult, and kissed him. His face wrinkled for a moment and then he opened his eyes. When he focused on her his face immediately creased into a smile. “Rey.” He said. His smile dropped and he pulled his head back. “Does my breath stink?”

“I don’t care.” Rey laughed. She pulled offer her sweatshirt and the skivvy underneath it. He looked taken aback but then smiled broadly as his eyes drank in her exposed chest. She didn’t know if she looked pretty naked, she knew her breasts were smaller than some of the other girls she’d seen at the asylum, but Ben appeared mesmerized by them. Then she remembered her underwear, as her body released a fresh dose of wetness. “I should bathe.” She said abruptly. She felt embarrassed at the idea of Ben touching her when she was so uncomfortably sticky. 

Ben’s erection seemed to have got more pronounced and he looked suddenly concerned. “What? Oh—okay, can I come with you?” His voice cracked on the last word. She could tell through their connection that he thought he’d done something wrong. He looked down at his erection and back at her. “Or not? I’m sorry, this happens sometimes in the morning. It just happens. I don’t know why it happens. I’m really sorry.”

She kissed him again and felt one of his hands cup one of her breasts. She didn’t want to part from him but she still felt weird about the underwear. In the asylum when she’d touched herself or had wet dreams—usually featuring Ben, and yet her imagination had not been able to concoct anything as wonderful as the real thing—she’d been disciplined for soiling her clothes before their expiry date. The idea of him touching her when she was “soiled” made her feel so embarrassed.

She pulled away from him. “Yes, but I don’t know if I look good naked.”

Ben looked confused. “You look good. I… do I look good naked?” 

She wanted to say ‘yes’ but she worried that that would come off disingenuine since she hadn’t seen him yet, just felt parts of him. “I don’t know.”

His brow furrowed and he looked away from her face, worried. 

She jumped out of bed and pulled off her sweatpants and underwear. Of course they were soaked and really stuck to her like unset glue. She pulled them off quickly and threw them in the trash. 

Ben looked confused. “We… we can wash those. You—you don’t have to throw them away. I don’t know how many extras we have.” He climbed out of the bed and suddenly she was aware again of how much larger he was than her. He pulled the underwear out of the trash and she almost screamed but he didn’t seem bothered by them at all. “They can be washed, Rey.”

Her face was burning and she was completely naked. Suddenly she felt a burst of energy, like she wanted to run and hide or scream. She felt embarrassed but also frazzled and antsy. His penis was still erect. “Okay. Sorry.” She said. Trying to avoid his gaze. 

He shrugged. “It’s okay.” He bit his lower lip, giving her a quick once over with his eyes and his breath faltered. “Uh, wanna get in the shower?” He was trying not to look at her. 

She nodded. 

“Okay,” he said. “You don’t have to put the underwear back on if you don’t want to but you might want to wear the sweats because we have a shower  _ room _ , there’s probably not going to be anyone in there since the alarm’s not gone off yet. I’ll get you some clean clothes—for, like, after the shower—and meet you there.” He then gave her directions towards the showers. 

She put back on her dirty clothes, minus the underwear, and followed his directions.

The shower room was much the same as the mess hall/canteen, but instead of octagonal tables and uncomfortable chairs everywhere there were a few pylons with four shower heads sprouting from each one. The floor of the room was slightly tilted towards the centre where a large drain was placed. There were no curtains. A few benches lined the walls of the room and there was a large screen on the back wall giving stats about the ship and the local time on Earth, Europa, Trappist, and Gliese.

She approached one of the benches and removed her sweats. Ben was right, the place was empty. Consciously she was glad, but empty places always made her think of death. Kyber had been teeming with life and she remembered those last two desperate hours in the Williamson building where she and Ben had been the only living humans. He’d carried her slung over his back when they’d made a break for the rescue pod. Still whacked out on Royal Jelly, she’d watched his back. They’d run by the gymnasium where she’d played hand ball with her friends. The place had always been packed. It was empty when she last saw it. 

She wished someone else were in the shower room. She knew Ben was on his way but her anxiety was peaking and she wanted to start crying. What if they didn’t survive this mission? What if he didn’t survive this mission and she did? She imagined facehuggers crawling over the walls of the shower room and Ben dead on the ground, speared through the chest by a drone. 

She sat down on the bench and tried to think about other things but the room was cold and there was no comfort here. 

_ I’m on my way _ — Ben’s voice in her head! 

_ Please hurry. I hate being alone. I hate it so much.  _ She responded. She tried not to let her anxiety leak into her thoughts but she knew he could see it. 

She folded over and put her face between her knees, trying to breathe as slowly as she could manage. Trying not to think anything, just staring at the cold floor. 

There was a mechanical whooshing noise. She looked up. 

She could only imagine a great Queen, poised, wise, enormous and ready to kill. 

It wasn’t an Alien queen. It was Ben. He was carrying more sweats in his hand and jumping slightly as he pulled off his socks. “Jesus,” he grumbled as he walked towards her. “So fuckin—so cold in here.” He set down the clean sweats on the bench next to her and dropped his socks on the floor. He wrapped her in a hug and she pressed her face into his sweatshirt, smelling him and remembering where and when she was. 

“Hey,” he said, pulling away from her and looking at her face. “Let’s get you under some hot water. You feel like an icicle.”

She smiled at him. 

He took off his sweats and dropped them on the floor beside his socks. She couldn’t help it; she stared. 

She didn’t know what a normal male body looked like. She’d seen glimpses of their anatomy on dead bodies on Kyber and the occasional slip up at the asylum. She knew what Ben felt like, but seeing him completely bare before her was different. She immediately felt her body warm up. 

Ben was blushing. “Okay let’s go.”

He took her hand and pulled her over towards one of the pylons. The moment they stepped under one of the shower heads it activated. The warm temperature was perfect and Rey suddenly felt excited. Even being in such a scary place, she was getting to bathe by herself! Bathing had always been so degrading at the asylum, it was one of her least favourite things. This was wonderful. 

Ben was smiling at her. His hair was now all wet and he pushed it out of his eyes. He bent over and pumped a handful of conditioner from a small pump at the base of the pylon. He straightened up and massaged the soap into his hair. 

It was beautiful just watching him. His arms were larger than her thighs, muscular, and he had black hair in his armpits. He had his eyes closed and his face looked so peaceful. The water trailed down his skin. 

She reached over and ran a hand over his chest. It was so broad and soft, in spite of the scars. He laughed, his eyes still closed, still massaging conditioner into his hair. “What are you—?” She let her hand move about his chest, feeling the exquisite surface, and moved down to his stomach. His breath was catching and he was erect again. 

She’d seen and felt the shape of his penis through his sweatpants and it had been flaccid when he’d undressed moments ago. Just like that it already appeared enormous to her but erect it was somehow even more. She didn’t know how that could fit inside her when sometimes tampons felt like a lot. He’d just used his hands on her the night before and that had felt like a lot, too. It must be possible, though, since the vagina could birth full term babies. 

She touched it, as gently as she could. His body was so fun and exciting for her. She pressed a kiss into his chest and he sighed. “Rey, oh my g-d….” 

She giggled and kept touching him. She tried to grasp it as best she could, but it was thicker than her wrist so it was kind of difficult. She really wanted to know what it would feel like inside her. She knew she was probably dripping vaginal fluids down her legs but she decided that that didn’t matter since she was in the shower. She ran her hand down the length of it and did it again. His breath was so fast and he kept saying her name, so cute and gasping. His voice deep but broken. She continued to move her hand whilst kissing his chest and using her other hand to touch his face and neck. His breath was coming in gasps. Finally he shuddered and ejaculated onto her stomach. 

His breath was raggèd and, eyes still closed, he leant forward and kissed her deeply. She moved her hands to grip either side of his face. His hands were around her waist and pulled her close. Some of his conditioner was dripping down his face and so that tasted kind of strange but she couldn’t bring herself to be bothered by it. 

One of his hands moved from her waist and gently petted her bum. He was so careful touching her. It made her feel safe and she was so glad to get to share this with him. Her husband, regardless of what the Earth government said. She felt so beautiful being touched by him. His other hand moved, first to her breast, which he caresses tenderly, and then moved back down towards her clitoris. She was so wet and her body was so eager and warm and happy. 

“Somehow, I don’t think her knowledge of the Xenos was the only reason you brought her, Solo.”

Rey started and jumped, accidentally bumping into Ben’s nose. He, in turn, separated himself from her, his stance still protective. She spun around. 

Hux was sitting on one of the benches to the side of the room, wearing a set of silky pyjamas and holding a cup of coffee. 

Before she could respond, Ben had crossed the room. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He shouted. “Get the fuck out of here before I throw you out! Shit!”

Hux stood. “I’d hoped getting up before the bugle call would mean I’d get the place to myself. It is a  _ public _ space, Solo, you do realise that, right?”

Rey rushed over and grabbed Ben’s arm. She knew the consequences could be dire if he hurt this exceptionally unpleasant man. She felt mortified that he’d seen them during their intimacy, but she also couldn’t bring herself to feel anything other than disdain for this man. Yes, she was touching her husband. Shocking. 

The alarm sounded and Ben looked up before, still seething, he turned back to Hux. Rey moved so she was standing in front of him and put both of her hands on his chest. His breath was heavy and he had a dangerous look in his eyes. “Ben?” She said, pressing her palms gently so he would notice where she was. “Let’s finish bathing.” She stood up on her toes to kiss him but she could only reach his upper chest so she kissed that. That would have to do. 

He seemed to calm down. He looked down at her, his mouth twitching like it had been in the canteen the day before. “Yeah, yeah.” He said. 

She turned and shot a glare to Hux who was studying Ben. “Unless you’re going to wash yourself, you should leave. It’s rude to stare.” She turned back to her husband and, with a hand on his back, led him back towards the shower. 

She washed her entire body really thoroughly and felt nice and clean. Ben cleaned himself quickly but also very thoroughly, glaring at Hux the entire time. Afterwards they dried themselves, put on lotion, and put on their sweats. Hux had started washing himself but was turned away from them. 

As the two of them made their way towards the exit, Ben explaining the different drills and meetings that were going to take place that day, they encountered the rest of the unit approaching the showers.

Captain Poe looked at the two of them and smiled. “Solo, Mrs.” Then just to Ben: “Meeting at 0700. Then Xeno drills for the next five hours.”

Ben nodded and put a hand on Rey’s back. “Yes, sir.” 

Rey saw Finn walking towards the shower room with Rose. He grinned at her and waved. Rose also smiled at her. 

Rey felt giddy. Not only was she exploring new experiences with the man she’d always loved, but she also had friends now. She focused her mind on the sensation of Ben’s fingers on her back. She thought about his soft kisses in the shower and how excited he was by her—he looked at her, touched her, and responded to her and she responded to him. 

After the other marines had passed them, she caught his eye and thought:  _ You look beautiful naked.  _

He beamed at her.  _ That’s saying something coming from the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.  _ He kissed the top of her head. 

$$$

Hux saw the marines coming and didn’t hesitate. He rushed over to where he’d left his clothes and his towel and dried off and dressed before they’d finished flooding into the room. He had absolutely zero interest in being gawked at by those jarheads or whatever the fuck they were called.  _ Semper fi  _ and all that. 

He walked past the captain as he made his hasty exit and saw him bite his lip and give him a once over. “Mister Hux.” He said, barely audibly. 

So that  _ was _ a possibility. Thank goodness. Watching Solo and the stowaway had been as depressing as it was arousing. It was a pity the whole thing had been so brief but he supposed that’s what he deserved. He just really needed to be fucked. Watching beautiful young people—he was young too, he supposed, but felt much older—have weirdly happy (considering how awkward they were) sexual encounters was depressing. He supposed being on a mission that would either make or break him was also depressing. 

His room was at least nicer than the rest of them. He’d brought some Schiele postcards from his trip to Germany and stuck them over his bed. He’d brought a modernist bedroom set which didn’t look at good as he’d thought it would in the rather brutalist looking room. It was Miami modern and the room was East London. Whatever. He may've had to shower publicly but at least he got to have some privacy in his sleep. 

He folded his pyjamas and placed them on top of his pillow. He draped the towel over part of the bed so it could dry. 

At 0650 he was in captain’s quarters for the meeting.

Dameron’s quarters were… spartan. He couldn’t see the sleeping chamber but the meeting table was bare and the only picture on the wall was a blueprint of the ship. 

Dameron was sitting at the head of the table, chugging coffee and reading god knows what on his comm device. Beside him was Phasma—apparently a lieutenant—with her arms crossed and her expression sour. Solo was on Dameron’s other side and his expression was blank. 

“Since we have a knowledgeable stowaway—“ Hux began. 

Dameron cut him off, wagging his finger and not taking his eyes off his comm. “Uh-uh. 0652. Meeting’s at 0700. Get yourself some coffee and sit down.”

Hux flushed. The company was the entire reason this mission was happening. To be quite honest, the company was the entire reason the colonial marines were considered as well as they were. The audacity of this man! How did such a person become captain? Clearly he lacked all sense of respect. 

Dameron looked up. “Don’t drink coffee? I think we can arrange a tea-bagging….”

Phasma cackled and it was the first time Hux had seen her display any emotion other than vague annoyance. Of course that was at his expense. 

He glared at Dameron who smiled and shrugged before returning to whatever nonsense was preoccupying him. 

Solo stood up and poured himself a cup of coffee, mixing in an absurd amount of cream and sugar. He returned to his seat with the cup and returned to expressing nothing with his face. How the hell was this man getting laid and not him? How?!

Hux looked at his watch. Semper Fidélis was a stupid motto. They should change it to “hurry up and wait.” Fucking hell. 

Finally it hit 0700. 

“As I was saying, you should bring your expert-cum-wife to the meeting, Solo.” Hux began. 

Solo’s face changed in an instant. “What the fuck did you just say about my wife, Mr Hux?”

Dameron tapped his shoulder, laughing. “Solo, it’s Latin. Means your expert  _ slash  _ wife. You’re so fucking cute. Don’t kill the man before he’s made his money.”

Solo blushed and Hux felt good about that. At least someone was getting put in their place on this fucking ship. 

Solo stood. “I’ll, uh, go get her.”

He left the quarters. 

“You can keep talking,” Dameron said, lazily. “He’ll catch up. He’s fast like that. Doesn’t know Latin.  _ Does _ know Hebrew, which is kind of more impressive because it’s like a different alphabet, but you know… not the same prestige for the Mayo class,” he laughed. 

So Dameron thought he was stupid. He ground his teeth. These fucking marines didn’t take anything seriously except wasting time. He took a slow breath and continued: “We have received updated topography from the probe that was sent out when we emerged from the warp.” He tapped the controls on the table and a holographic sphere hovered over its top. 

Solo reentered the room, accompanied by his cum expert wife. She was small and wearing sweats and even through those he could see that her nipples were pert and at attention. He wanted to roll his eyes but he stopped himself. Solo pulled up a chair for her and after she sat, he poured her a cup of coffee and placed it in front of her before finally sitting the fuck down. What insipid theatre. 

“As I was saying.” Hux tapped some more controls and zoomed in to a particular set of coordinates. “We are still receiving updated topography and should have better imaging soon. This is the location of one of the larger hives. Now—“

“But that’s not what we’re going for, right? Like if we want to succeed it’s gotta be a small hive.” Dameron said, sipping his coffee. 

“Affirmative.” Phasma grumbled. 

“A large hive would be disastrous. A single drone could wipe out everyone on this ship. You need the smallest hive possible.” The stowaway said. Her voice was gentle but strong. Hux could see she had squeezed Solo’s hand under the table. Ugh. 

“Yes. Okay. Fine. But we need to find a small one and we don’t have that imaging yet so let’s focus on what we  _ can _ find until then.” Hux spoke quickly, hoping they wouldn’t keep interrupting. “Regardless, I’ve set BB8 and Artoo up with analysing the images we do have to recognise patterns. We can send a more invasive probe to get a map of inside one of the hives once we’re locked in orbit.”

“Once we have those maps,” Dameron said. “And that analysis, we’ll be able to start running more specific drills based around the map, the terrain, the layout of the hive, and so on. Meanwhile, lieutenant.” He turned to Phasma. “I need your help establishing a capture and containment plan, based around Solo… and uh, Mrs Solo’s intel. Solo,” he turned to him. “You’re running standard Xeno hive drills. I know they’re based around the colonies and the Nostromo, everything could be different on the home world… yadda yadda. We gotta work with what we have.”

Solo nodded. “Understood, sir.”

“More data will be received this evening. I’ll prepare another meeting for us tomorrow. Thank you for your time.” Hux smiled. Thank god it was over. 

$$$

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate the comments. They mean so so so so so much to me.  
> Really sad day today in LA.  
> I write a lot about sterilisation because as a schizoaffective bipolar it is a very real thing that is threatened me.


	8. Chapter 8

Xeno drills were pure stress and adrenaline for Ben. Everyone was draped in heavy gear, breathing masks, carrying disarmed carbines. They needed the gear situation to be as close to what it would be on the planet as possible. The breathing masks would be optional, as the atmosphere was technically breathable (just a much higher nitrogen content than they were used to), but a good idea to get used to nonetheless. 

The drills were taking place in the main hangar, A1. The central space was large enough and the 3D holograms were already set up. The area was unrecognisable. It resembled a jungle. Apparently the terrain had been generated based on the most recent probe data. 

Ben’s stomach felt tight and his mouth was dry. The xeno drills were essential but exceptionally triggering for him. He knew some marines had nightmares from the drills alone. He hated that his comrades were going to be dealing with the real thing. He focused his breath and the drill began. 

X Drill 001 was simple. They’d run it a few times on Earth before their departure. Objective: infiltrate egg chamber, take out drones guarding the chamber, eliminate the eggs, clear the area of any remaining drones. 

He knew Mr Hux wouldn’t approve. He’d probably ask that they modify it to take one of the eggs with them. This mission was so vile. He’d be damned if he let his people be slaughtered the way the company was setting them up to be. This was a suicide mission—a fact that was getting more difficult for him to accept somehow, even though he’d always known it—but he wanted his people to go out swinging. 

Ben gestured his people forward. They were entering the jungle. Rose Tico was guarding the rear. 

The jungle was noisy. You could hear foreign animals and insects yelping, chittering, and mewling. Their feet were silent as possible on the jungle floor, the result of careful, precise training for such environments. 

Their comm channel appeared silent from the outside but was audible inside their helmets. It was actually silent at the moment. They had to be quiet, so as to catch any signs of movement. Xenos were stealthier than they were. 

Of course that’s when he needed to start hallucinating. 

He knew it was an hallucination because it sounded like someone speaking without apparatus. 

_ Gonna die. Gonna die on this planet. Gonna die here on this planet. Gonna die. Everyone’s gonna die.  _

He steadied his breath and tried to ignore it. It was very loud. He needed to focus on what was real. Well, holographically. He honed in on the sound of the chittering on the insects. It was rhythmic in a way that didn’t match his human sensibilities. He focused harder on it. Then he heard something. 

He raised his carbine and fired.

It didn’t  _ actually _ fire, but using the trigger prompted the hologram and the drone was cut down through its thorax. It landed on the jungle floor, it’s acid blood making the ground smoke and it’s jaws clattering in its death throes. 

“Shit.” He heard Finn utter through the comm link. 

The carbine has drawn attention to them. There would be other drones soon. The drills were randomised based on the data at hand so there was no predicting them except based on the information they knew about the Xenos. He’d never done a drill in which they’d encountered one so soon. Usually they waited to make themselves known. 

They continued into the jungle. “Eyes and ears. More are coming.” Ben whispered into the comm. 

But more of them didn’t come. The jungle persisted in being noisy but no other Xenos arrived. 

_ Guarding the nest _ . He thought. 

Soon the jungle gave way to a cave. Initially, to the unknowing, it would appear natural but really it was an artificial structure, created by the Xenos for their eggs. 

Every time they did this drill, every time he saw their structures, his stomach flipped and he had to consciously keep himself from mentally checking out. 

He scoped out the entryway and gestured the others inside, changing position to the tail and letting Finn lead the way. 

Ben had firsthand experience with the Xenos but Finn’s spatial reasoning was superior. He could navigate any hive and was the man they needed to lead them to… whatever victory would mean for their mission. He couldn’t think about the mission. He had to keep his focus on the drill. 

The Xeno caves were repellent in such an unsettling way for him. There was something necessarily familiar about the organic forms that their kind employed and it lulled you into a false sense of security. 

Being off the injection meant all of his senses were on high alert. The sounds from outside in the jungle were incredibly loud, contrasting to the eerie silence within the cave. Every colour was vivid and his brain was taking in much more data than it usually did. 

There was a sound like something meaty falling into a shallow pool of water up ahead in the path. Even with night vision on, nothing was visible yet. It must’ve been beyond one of the curves in the path. 

“Drone.” Finn whispered into the comm.

“Withhold fire until it’s within 8 metres.” Ben responded. 

Time passed as it normally did, during these moments, but phenomenologically it felt absurdly long. The silence following the falling sound had an edge to it. An edge that, Ben knew, they must dance with the utmost precision. Signalling their presence too early within a cave would mean being overwhelmed with Xenos. The stealthier they could manage, the better. 

The corridor was suddenly lit up as Rose activated her flamethrower. It was a good choice, a silent weapon that the xenomorphs feared. As the flame engulfed the drone, now fully visible, and the corridor was illuminated, the creature shrieked and tried to escape. Eyck, another member of their unit, cut it down with a single blast from his carbine. Noisy, but about on par with the bug’s shrieking. Necessary. 

More splashing sounds from within the cave. Finn gestured they follow him quickly. He turned them down a second corridor that branched off to the side and the splashing sounds diminished. 

“Sarge, eyes on the rear.” Finn muttered. 

Ben walked slowly backwards at the tail end of their group, his gaze fixed on the other tunnel. 

“This should lead us straight to the hatchery.” Finn whispered. 

He was right. And they didn’t encounter any more drones as they continued to progress. That wouldn’t last long, they’d be ambushed eventually, but it made it quick going. 

The hatchery looked like the Xeno hatcheries always did. Enormous vaulted ceilings, sickeningly warm, the ground covered in a grid of monstrous looking eggs, and a fine mist enveloping them all. 

“Tico, Baker, Valenzuela, Calvin, take out the grid. Finn, Lazer, Hodges, Jones—we watch the entrances.” Ben said. 

Everyone obeyed. The warm light of the flames glistened against the slimy and organic walls of the hatchery as the eggs were incinerated. They sizzled and popped and released a burning acidic smell as they perished. 

“Bugs on their way through my entry, Sarge.” Jones said. 

“Valenzuela, Baker—go to Jones. Tico, Calvin—finish making breakfast. Remember I like my eggs scrambled.” Ben said. “Everyone else hold your position.”

The eggs needed to be exposed to the flames for a minimum of two full minutes. Of course, if they’d been allowed to bring Plasma weapons then it would be a matter of seconds but the whole mission’s priorities were out of whack. 

Shots rang out as Jones, Valenzuela, and Baker opened fire down their corridor. He could hear the Xenos shrieking as they were mowed down just barely above the popping egg-fry.

There was suddenly a gurgling noise through the comm. For a whole second Ben thought he must be hallucinating again. 

“Baker struck, not out of the simulation, bug’s been taken care of.” Jones said. 

“How the fuck did that happen?” Ben asked. No response. 

That wasn’t good. This was an easy drill. Maybe all that time in hyper sleep had made them rusty. 

“Eggs are cooked, sarge.” Rose said.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.” Ben said. 

“My exit.” Said Finn. “Quick exit. No more bugs.”

With Jones and Valenzuela covering their back, the rest of them ran towards Finn’s exit. The exterminated eggs squelched under their feet. 

Running was the easiest part of the drills for Ben. It was the part where he finally gave into his body and let his fears and trauma carry him at top speed out of trouble. 

$$$

Dameron was laying on his stomach looking at his comm again. Did the man possess an attention span? Was that really an admirable quality in a Captain?

Hux didn’t know and couldn’t be too fussed about it. He’d just been fucked so well that he thought that it must’ve counted as a religious experience. He couldn’t tell if it was because it’d been so long or because he really had needed to relieve some of the stress from the mission but it had felt like the best lay of his life. 

He was laying on his back, one hand on his stomach, playing with the ginger hair and feeling the warmth of his own skin. 

“Ugh.” Dameron said, finally setting down his device. “Fucking idiots. Drill 001? You wanna die out there over that?”

Hux couldn’t see his face, just the beautiful curve of his bum, his muscular back and shoulders, and his thick black hair. “Something wrong?” He asked, politely. 

Dameron rolled over onto his back and pulled out a cigarette, lighting up. 

Hux was stunned. Smoking was one of the main dangers he’d been warned about in space. Not only was their air carefully filtered and recycled but if the oxygen balance were just slightly off you could ignite the artificial atmosphere. 

“Dumbasses. Most of the drills went well today except for the easiest one. Dumb bitches. I’m gonna have to talk to Solo about it.” He blew smoke and Hux coughed. Dameron was so handsome. His skin was a smooth olive complexion and his body was covered in perfect looking black hair. He looked to have been sculpted by the gods themselves, either that or some horny Greek in 300 BCE. Whichever. 

“I saw him and the stowaway getting frisky in the showers this morning.” Hux said. 

Dameron’s eyes widened. “Okay first of all stop calling her ‘the stowaway’—it’s dehumanising. Call her Rey or Terani or Mrs Solo or something. If you can remember Binyamin and Dameron, you can remember Rey. Second—“

“It’s easier for me with Mexican names since the company works with so many Mexican factories—“

“I’m Guatemalan, you asshole.” Dameron looked at him with absolute disdain. 

“You’re—wait what? Watermelon?” Surely he must’ve heard Dameron incorrectly or he was taking the piss. He felt stupid. 

“Yes. Watermelon. That’s right.” Dameron rolled his eyes. “But… like, what were they doing? Because Solo’s on this drug that makes him like totally impotent. Like he can’t get it up at all. And it’s a damn shame because boy is  _ hung _ and it’s a total fucking waste.”

“It was very ‘up’ and she was giving him a handy.” Hux shrugged. “I dunno what to tell you.”

Dameron scratched his chin and took another puff on his cigarette. He looked mildly concerned. “He better not be off his meds again. It’s like… I dunno it’s really fucked up to be honest. Because they give him a cocktail that’s like part—uh—stuff to make his brain work and part temporary sterilisation. Because of, you know, the whole they don’t want disabled people breeding thing. But he needs to be on it because without it things get really messy really quick. He’s a smart guy, but, you know, there’s always a downside to that.”

It felt strange to talk about it like this. Homosexuality was also viewed as a genetic abnormality and, though it was tolerated, Hux had been told by his mother that she’d been counselled against having children. She’d loved him anyway, as best she could whilst being as neglectful as she could manage, but it’d always left him with a gnawing anxiety. He wondered if Dameron felt the same way.

He felt sorry for Solo. The man was extremely annoying but he knew how degrading this must all feel for him. 

“Yeah.” Dameron puffed on the cigarette, rolling back onto his stomach. “We live in a really stupid world. Good for Solo, though. I’m gonna need to get him back on the shot. He needs his wits about him.” He touched Hux’s leg and Hux felt a shiver of excitement. “I’m not going to let them die for this. If it comes down to them or your specimen, I’m choosing them.”

Hux’s stomach twisted. “It’s not going to come down to that. And you have your orders.”

Dameron looked at him. 

The door to the captain’s quarters slid open and Hux immediately tried to cover himself with the blankets. Dameron didn’t move. 

The stowaway—fine, Rey—stood in the doorway. She was still wearing those stupid looking sweats and had a worried expression. She blushed when she saw them. 

“What’s up, Mrs Solo?” Dameron asked, smoothly. Apparently lacking any shame. 

“Do you know where Ben is?” She asked, her voice tight. “I know the drills finished an hour ago but I can’t find him and he wasn’t at dinner. He’s not in our room or in the showers.” She looked extremely worried. 

Dameron took a drag on the cigarette. “He gets upset after the drills. He’s probably cooling off somewhere. Don’t worry, he’ll show.”

Rey was wringing her hands. Hux suddenly felt a twinge of guilt for intruding on her and her messed up husband with such confidence. She was keeping her eyes low and clearly making an effort not to embarrass them. Was he a bad person? “Okay.” She said. “Thank you, Captain.”

She left and the door shut behind her. 

Dameron looked at him again. He didn’t know what that meant. 

$$$


	9. Chapter 9

Ben’s mind was racing and reeling and he was frantic. He’d secreted himself into the closet where Rey had stowed away so he could be by himself.

Xeno drills were extremely triggering for him. They were essentially waking nightmares. And experiencing them without the mind numbing effect of the injection was a thousand times worse. 

He couldn’t stop shaking. His hands were vibrating and he’d intermittently let out shouts that he had to try to suppress because he didn’t want anyone to find him like this. It felt good to pick up and throw things so he was doing that and making a mess. His eyes were streaming tears but also felt enormous and visible to others. 

His brain kept putting other things around him. Xenos. Cats. Spiders. Xenos. Xenos. Xenos. He threw a spanner at one of his hallucinated Xenos and it did nothing except clang loudly against the wall of the closet. He was trying not to damage Rey’s hyper sleep chamber so he avoided throwing heavy stuff at that but it was really hard. He brought his hands up and pushed on his eyes so the colours and patterns could dance and let out another little scream. 

He needed to get it together but it was so hard because he couldn’t control his breathing. He wished Rey were there but he despised the idea of her seeing him like this. She’d been through so much and she struggled so much already. She didn’t need something like this. She didn’t need something like him. 

Oh g-d. He was bad for her wasn’t he? 

He pushed his hands harder against his eyes and slumped to the floor, sobbing. The colours and patterns danced in his head and his head throbbed and his eyes and nose were running and him mouth was drooling. 

How stupid could he be? He was bad for her. It was a good thing he was going to die on this mission. Thank g-d he was going to die on this mission. Then Rey wouldn’t have to deal with him. She’d live, please g-d, she’d live. She’d live a beautiful life and find someone else and live in love and happiness and he just really wished that were something he deserved. 

Maybe he should go back on the injection. He’d been selfish and stupid always stupid. He’d avoided it because he wanted to think and feel and live but such things weren’t for people like him. Rey probably hated touching him (she hadn’t seemed like it but NO SHE HATED HIM, anyone would and should). He should go back on the injection and not feel anything and Rey would realise how useless he was and how he wasn’t even a real man he was a mentally inept golem of the colonial marines. Emet. 

_ Where are you? I didn’t see you at dinner and I know the drills are finished. You need to eat something! _ Rey’s voice in his head. 

Was he imagining that? He couldn’t even think of anything coherent to say. Everything hurt and whenever he opened his eyes he just saw Xenos. He had to keep them closed and press on them. He really didn’t want to break anything. 

_ You’re in that closet I was in. Oh, Ben! You’re hurting!  _ Rey’s voice. Again he couldn’t tell if that was actually happening. 

He heard something but his brain wasn’t processing it was probably a Xeno with big jaws and its inner mouth shot forward straight through his fucked up brain matter, brains everywhere, blood everywhere. 

There was a hand on his shoulder. A small hand. 

“Ben, oh my g-d. Oh, Ben.” Rey’s voice. 

He removed his hands from his eyes and looked. She was squatted down next to him, her hand against his back. Her face looked like itself and was making an expression. It was just nice to see her. He was making her worry. 

“ThSorry.” He slurred. He felt some drool fall and land on his chest. “Sorry sorry sorry.”

Rey put something on him. Maybe a blanket. It made him feel warm. 

“Touch this.” She said. She took his hand and pressed it against the floor. “What does that feel like? Can you try to describe it for me?”

“Floor.” He said. He was still crying and his nose was dripping. His throat hurt from yelling so his voice sounded broken and strained probably. “Hard. Cold. I don’t know, sorry. Sorry.”

She took his hand and guided it to the blanket. “What does this feel like?”

He chewed on his lips for a moment. Was she trying to ground him? He couldn’t tell if it was working. He tried to focus on the blanket. “Uh… Uh… it’s… soft. Warm. Fabric.”

“What colour is it?” Rey asked. Her voice was so gentle. Just being around her was intoxicating but the mix of arousal with his current emotional state just made him feel mortified. 

He tried to look at it. There weren’t any Xenos in the room anymore, he noticed. Look at the blanket. He looked at it, his hand on it. His hand was bleeding—when did that happen? Maybe he cut it making a mess. What colour was the blanket? He stretched his brain. “Uh… brown?”

“Yes.” Rey rubbed his back. She took his hand and pressed it against the hyper sleep chamber. “What about this? What does it feel like?”

He looked at her. Her face was so beautiful. He felt so exposed and so scared. People weren’t supposed to be like this. Why was she being so kind? Did he deserve it? “It’s… uh.” He tried to put his focus in his fingertips. “It’s smooth. Really smooth.”

She smiled and it was so beautiful. He felt so raw. “Rey, I’m so sorry. I get like this sometimes. There’s a lot of things wrong with me—“

Rey shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with you. But I’m sorry you’re hurting. I get like this from my dreams sometimes.” She rubbed her hand on his back some more. “Can you come with me to our room?”

He chewed on his lips some more. “I think so. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay. You comfort me, I comfort you. We do the best we can. I know you’re doing your best. So am I.” she took his hand and helped him pull himself to his feet.

He felt dizzy and had a really strong headache especially through his eyes. Rey’s little hand had moved down to his lower back and she was guiding him out of the room. He couldn’t really take in his surroundings. His senses were either super amplified or super dulled. He  _ did _ feel her hand on him though and felt sensitive, even though it was on his back. 

She steered him through the corridor straight back to their room. She helped him remove his shoes and, with the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders, set him up sitting on the floor and leaning against the bed. 

“Can you stay here, Ben? I’m just going to go grab you some food, okay?” She smiled at him again. “Can you stay here?”

He nodded. His eyes still felt really big and visible. He looked at his hands. 

Rey wasn’t gone for long, but she returned with a beef burrito and some grape juice. She handed them to him and then spread out a napkin on his lap. He was very aware of her hands on his lap but tried not to focus on it, lest he drop the food. 

“Eat.” Rey prompted him. She kissed him on the cheek and he felt nice in his face for a moment. His eyes felt a bit less. 

He ate the burrito slowly. He hadn’t realised how hungry he was. It was delicious. 

“What does it taste like?” Rey asked. 

He looked at her. “You wanna bite?”

She shook her head. “I already ate. I just want you to describe it to me.” She kissed him on the cheek again. 

He smiled. “It’s savoury. It’s cheesy. It’s not kosher but it’s good. It’s got some nice spices in it. The meat is good. The tomatoes are juicy.”

Rey leant her head on his shoulder. “Next time you’re feeling like that, can you please come to me? I don’t want you to be alone and scared like that.”

“Rey, I should be there for  _ you.  _ I’m sorry I was like that.” He said. He felt embarrassed. 

“You have nothing to apologise for.” Rey looked upset. “And I should be there for  _ you.  _ I am your wife. Even when you’re sick and upset, I’m still your wife. And I love you so much.”

He wanted to drop the burrito and climb on top of her but he had to settle for kissing her face. “Okay. I love you.”

He finished the burrito and drank the juice. Then he had to piss so he did that. Then he brushed his teeth. His body and mind were feeling less agitated. He wasn’t feeling numb either. He just felt fine. He actually felt better than fine. He felt eager. He wanted to hold Rey. To thank her for loving him. To thank her for existing. His bashert.

Rey changed out of her sweats into just her skivvies. She folded the sweats carefully and set them on the floor. The curve between her thigh and butt was so pretty. Her legs were so delicate yet shapely. He could see her beautiful nipples through her shirt and he just wanted to caress them. 

She looked at him. She noticed he was aroused. He started to take off his clothes. “Ben,” she said slowly. “I want to, I really do, but I think you should probably rest after everything. You’re a lot more exhausted than you think you are.” She approached him and gently stroked his face. “Let’s just hold each other. I can do, you know, what I did in the showers if you need it, but I think you should rest.” 

He didn’t like the idea of her touching his as a chore. “No, it’s okay. I’m—you’re right.”

They laid together in his bed and her small body was warm and perfect against his. His arousal had faded but he was still enveloped in an overwhelming feeling of love. 

“This shi—stuff doesn’t usually happen. I mean, I get triggered by those drills but usually I just smash some stuff and feel better.” He loved the way his hands felt against her. Even when he was sweaty he didn’t want to separate. “Normally—well. Rey. I’m schizophrenic and bipolar and I have been since I was a kid but I got drafted anyway because I scored high on my tests. Normally they give me this shot. It’s an antipsychotic solution, I think, and it does stop the hallucinations and stuff but it does a lot of other stuff, too.”

“What sort of stuff?” Rey asked. Her face was on the pillow next to his, looking at him with such kindness and care. 

“Well, it makes it so I don’t feel anything. Like, anything. Like I have very few emotions. And it makes it so, like, I don’t want to have sex and I  _ can’t  _ have sex, like I can’t get stiff, not even touching myself or anything. It just hangs there.” He felt so exposed in front of her today. The other people in his unit knew about this but it was different telling her. “I was supposed to get dosed again before we got married but I skipped it because it’s easier for me to think clearly without it. And I was supposed to get it again when I got out of hyper sleep and I skipped it then. I… I really don’t want to go on it again. I hate it. It makes me feel like I’m dead.”

Rey nodded. “They gave me meds like that at the asylum. There was one that made my period very weird. It would come and go at strange times and be either very light or very heavy. Then there was another one that made me infertile but made my breasts swell and leak milk and that really scared me. All of them made me feel like my brain was wrapped in fog. They’re awful.” She reached up a hand and touched his face. “But if we’re not going to be on them—and I don’t think we should be—then we need to learn how to manage. That means we need to be there for each other.”

Ben leant forward and kissed her. 

She pulled back and smiled. “What I did earlier where I had you describe things was a grounding technique one of the shrinks at the asylum taught me. I think that helped a lot.”

Ben nodded. It had helped. He wanted to keep kissing her. Hearing that she knew what it was like to be subjected to that degradation made him angry but also made him less embarrassed to be honest with her. They’d both been robbed of their humanity and they were recovering it together. 

Rey smiled. “Will you do the same for me, if I get like that?”

“Of course.” Ben pulled her closer to him. He was beginning to feel the weight of sleep come over him. “I’ll do anything for you, Rey.”

$$$

Rey awoke the next morning before the alarm to Ben’s snoring. He looked so peaceful and she was so glad for him. She knew what it was like—being triggered like that. She knew this mission was probably wreaking havoc on his already fragile psyche. She was glad that she’d been able to stowaway. Thank g-d she could at least be some comfort to him whilst he went through hell for the second time in their lives. 

She shook him gently and he groggily opened his eyes. His face immediately split into a smile and he leant forward and kissed her deeply. 

Before she knew what was happening he was on top of her and had pulled up her camisole, his hand caressing her nipple. She sighed and smiled at him. He looked so eager and happy and she felt like they were both radiating sunshine. 

He separated from their kiss, his lips pink and beautiful. He bit his lip. “I want to try something but I’m going to need you to tell me if it’s, you know, actually feeling good because I don’t really know what I’m doing. Is that okay with you?”

Rey’s heart fluttered. She looked into his eyes and nodded. 

“Mmkay.” He said, before kissing her again. His kisses began to trail down to her jaw and her neck. His lips were so hungry and she didn’t realise those parts of her were sensitive like that but her breathing immediately became heavier. Maybe she should take off her underwear before they become all gross again. 

He pulled her camisole off of her and over her head, pressing kisses into her collarbones and onto her breasts. 

When she’d tried playing with her breasts before, it hadn’t felt all that interesting. They seemed a little bit more sensitive than the rest of her skin but not the same as her clitoris or anything. It felt nice when her shirt brushed against them unexpectedly but that was it. 

But that was not the case now. It was like Ben had unlocked something higher level of sensitivity with them. She felt a pressure building in her, the lead up to orgasm, and her breathing became heavier. 

He dipped below her breasts and kissed down her stomach. She moaned, in part because it still felt great but also because she’d wanted him to stay on her boobs. He pulled down her panties and from the coldness of the air that hit her crotch she could tell she must already be extremely wet. Ugh. She really hated when that stuff got on her panties and she felt momentarily embarrassed that Ben had to see them. For some reason she didn’t mind him seeing her vulva but the idea of him seeing her underwear felt strange. 

She couldn’t linger on the thought, though, because his kisses had descended to her clitoris and she almost jumped off the bed, the sensation was so strong. His hands had been caressing her torso but they moved down to her thighs and she felt one of his fingers enter her vagina as he continued with his kissing. The kisses were deep and sucking and he was using his tongue with them. It was such an intense feeling, the combination of his mouth and his finger, she thought her head would explode. She was breathing so heavily. 

She glanced down and saw his face between her legs, looking up at her. He smiled and blushed for a moment before continuing. Seeing him somehow made everything stronger. He increased his speed and she orgasmed so strongly and so prolongedly that she thought it would never end, and she never wanted it to. 

The orgasm seemed to fade slowly instead of just cutting off. She felt her spine melt into the mattress and her groin felt both hyper sensitive and completely numb. She felt so beautiful and she didn’t want to open her eyes, she could’ve fallen asleep in that moment and never awoken and that would’ve been okay. 

One of Ben’s hand’s brushed some of her hair from her face. His lips pressed into hers and tasted strange but not horrible. His kisses were so gentle and kind. She opened her eyes and looked at his beautiful face. 

Then the alarm went off. 

“Noooo,” she whined, as he rolled off of her. 

“Yeah.” Ben sighed. He climbed out of bed and reached over to help her up. 

“I don’t want everyone to be in the showers with us.” She whined again as she forced herself out of bed. Her knees were wobbling. 

“Me neither but—“ he shrugged. He was already brushing his teeth and spat out a mouthful of toothpaste. “I’ll take what I can get.”

She noticed a wet spot on the front of his sweats. “You came?” She asked, confused. She hadn’t even touched him!

He gargled mouthwash and then spat that out, too. “I mean, yeah.” He licked his lips. “That was pretty fun, right?”

She nodded and beamed at him.  _ I love you so much, my husband.  _

_ I love you, too, my wife, my bride, my bashert.  _

Her heart felt so happy that it was hard to put on clothes for the shower. She just wanted to bask in these feelings forever. 

She was not prepared for the showers with everyone else. 

The room was filled with steam when she walked in and the first thing she saw was Finn, devoid of any clothing, lathering his body in soap. She tried to avert her eyes but then her gaze landed on the captain, equally bereft of clothing, shampooing his hair. She saw there were women in there, too. Rose and a couple of others were there and naked. Rose’s boobs were bigger than hers and very pretty. Her crotch wasn’t as hairy and Rey suddenly worried that she’d look strange to these people. 

Ben didn’t seem to have the same concerns. He was out of his sweats in seconds. He pulled her over to the benches on the sides of the room and helped her undress. Her face was burning. 

_ Don’t be embarrassed, Rey. If anyone looks at you funny, I’ll kill them.  _ He winked at her. She also sensed his compassion through their connexion. He knew she was embarrassed and he knew this setting was uncomfortable for most first timers. He kissed her gently on the cheek and walked with her over to an empty shower head. 

Then he stopped looking at her. It was weird. He went through all the motions, he was conditioning his hair, he washed his body very thoroughly. He even spent some time standing under the water in thought. 

This was annoying. Without being able to look at his face she was at a loss as to where to keep her gaze. Rose waved at her and Rey waved back, wondering if Rose thought her body was inferior because of her small boobs and body hair.  _ Why won’t you look at me? _ She finally thought, desperately. 

_ If I look at you naked I might get stiff and I don’t want that to happen in front of everyone.  _ His cheeks were pink and he was massaging more conditioner through his hair. 

Okay, that was at least a reason but she still was annoyed. She also got turned on looking at him but she supposed that was rather less visible. On the other hand, Finn seemed more than capable of interacting with Rose without becoming erect. She’d seen him slap her playfully on the bottom and seen them exchanging looks of varying expressions. 

She realised the reason why she wanted Ben to look at her. It was selfish and she didn’t want to embarrass him: she felt more naked without him looking at her. If he’d been watching her she would just feel nude, which would be fine. Even though they were both very new to each other, she felt safe being naked around him. It was something happy and fun and loving and caring. Being naked around these strangers was different. She felt like she was being judged and that scared her. She also couldn’t tell if her body looked normal or not. She noticed that she was the only woman there with a fine trail of black hairs connecting her navel to her pubes. Did other women remove that or was she just a freak?

“Much less active this time, eh?”

She turned around to see Mr Hux, rinsing soap off his armpits. His body was much narrower than Ben’s, but still larger than hers and much taller than her. His penis wasn’t as large as Ben’s but it didn’t look small. She wasn’t really sure how to gauge the size of these things anyway except by her own body, which she was realising more and more was very small. It looked like it was wearing a sleeve. Was that what an uncircumcised man looked like? She’d only really studied Ben’s which was definitely circumcised, he was Jewish, like her. 

“Okay okay, eyes up.” Mr Hux looked uncomfortable. “I just wanted to apologise for embarrassing you yesterday. I didn’t intend to interrupt you two when I came in the showers. I literally was just trying to get here before the rush.”

Rey was taken aback. She hadn’t expected that from this man. “Thank you.” She said, somewhat atonally. 

“Right.” Hux turned away from her and returned to washing himself. 

She felt a bit less naked after that. She looked at Ben again and really wanted to touch his chest (and his penis, but she didn’t want to do that in front of everyone). They’d had such fun that morning. She was so vulnerable with him and been so richly rewarded. She knew he’d been so vulnerable with her the night before. She knew he would probably be the same way that night too. Oh, how she wanted to hold him and comfort him!

He caught her eye and then looked away quickly, biting his lip. 

$$$


	10. Chapter 10

Ben was called immediately for drills following the showers. Rey hoped rather than believed he would get breakfast. Instead it was her, Mr Hux, and Captain Poe in the canteen eating toast. There was an awkward silence between them which Rey couldn’t really account for. She just didn’t have anything to say. She wasn’t sure what she should be doing with her time whilst Ben was running drills. Mr Hux and Captain Poe didn’t seem to want to speak out of some strange desire to include her. She appreciated it but it just made everything more uncomfortable. 

The silence was broken when C3po — nicknamed Threepio by the crew — a tall, blond male synthetic with an extremely smooth English accent approach their table. “Mrs Solo?” He prompted. 

She looked up and was surprised at herself for already reacting to that name. “Yes?”

“Would you follow me into the kitchen? I have something there for you that Sergeant Solo wished I impart to you.” He said. His voice was always kindly and polite. 

She glanced at the Captain, who shrugged and gestured that she should follow Threepio, which she did. 

The kitchen was large but very unlike the kitchens she’d been in on Kyber or that of Rose’s mother. Instead of raw food or tins sitting around, there were suspenders labelled with different food products. The entire space was blindingly white, probably an effort to keep it as clean as possible, but the brightness was somewhat distressing for her. 

“Most of the food we partake of on this vessel, and in the colonial marine corps in general, is freeze dried or otherwise preserved in such a way that attempts to keep the food in good condition for long-form travel. Of course, we do also print a good deal of the food from required chemical components. The toast you were eating this morning was printed and then lightly toasted by myself.” He rattled off information as he keyed some numbers into a keypad on one of the shelves. “However, Sargeant Solo specifically requested a miniature cryosleep container so that he could bring you these.” He pulled some beautiful, fresh oranges from the drawer. The perfume of their oily skins filled the room and Rey couldn’t help but smile. “I finished defrosting them this morning. Sergeant Solo says that they are only for your consumption, so I thought that I should bring you in here to eat them.”

Rey beamed. She took one of the oranges in her hands. It was a small thing but the kindness of this act felt enormous to her. He’d brought her fruit when he freed her from the asylum and must’ve remembered how excited she had been by it. She hoped she was as considerate to him as he was being to her. She felt deeply moved.

She sniffed the orange and bit into it. The skin was always strange but the inside was very juicy and she immediately dropped juices down her chin. 

Threepio looked perturbed. “Forgive me, miss, but is it not customary to peel oranges prior to consuming them?”

Rey blushed. “Oh, is it? I’m sorry this is only my second time having them. I thought you ate the whole thing.”

Threepio smiled kindly at her, took the orange from her hands, and peeled off its skin in less than a second. He returned the juicy insides to her hands, where she could see they were segmented. 

“Thank you, Threepio.” She said. “And thank you for showing me these and defrosting them. I’ll eat this one now but keep the rest for later, if that’s all right.”

“Of course, Mrs Solo.” Threepio said. 

She ate a few of the sections and they were delicious. It was a lot easier to eat them this way without getting juice all over her front. “I don’t know what to do whilst Ben, uh, Sergeant Solo, is running drills. Is there any way I can help on the ship during this time? With the mission etcetera?”

“To be honest, the primary tasks I have been given are all basic ships monitoring, food preparation, and sanitation up keep. However, when I have time to myself, I do like to learn new languages. It enhances my programming and my value on the public market once I am decommissioned from the colonial marine corps.” Threepio looked ambivalent. 

Rey finished the orange. It tasted like sunshine inside her mouth and her insides felt clean. She nodded in response to what Threepio said. “I don’t know what will become of me once we leave here. If we leave here.”

Threepio smiled gently. “Ambiguity is always discomfitting. I do, however, recommend reviewing records and languages. That will occupy your mind and enhance your value on the public market.”

Rey thought this idea of optimising her value on the market was incredibly depressing, but Threepio had a point. The more useful she could make herself, the better her chances would probably be of actually attaining her freedom. “Are you free, Threepio? I mean, after you’re decommissioned from the colonial marines.”

Threepio blinked sadly, smile still carefully in place. “Freedom is not for the synthetics, Mrs Solo.”

“What would you do if you were free, Threepio?” Was freedom for her?  _ Avadim haiyinu  _ — she remembered the words from her family’s Passover Seder when she was a child — had they ever stopped being slaves? If optimising their value for the public market was the most that any being could wish to attain, perhaps freedom was an illusion. What would real freedom even look like?

Threepio paused. He scratched his chin, his expression deep in thought, and then returned to a cold smile. “I would make creations of great beauty. I was created, and so were you, to be creators. Ultimately, we are all god in this fashion, are we not? I would make art that would live beyond my programming. Yes. I think I would write musical theatre.”

Rey was taken aback. “Interesting. I’d love to see one of your plays.”

Threepio rapped his crown. “They only live in my processor, I’m afraid. What would you do with freedom, Mrs Solo? It is my understanding, from the Earth transmission we received in transit that you are in fact a fugitive from Earth government’s custody. Due to the working of Earth and Colonial law, it’s unlikely your freedom would ever be assured, even by a hasty marriage to a low genetic class individual such as Sergeant Solo.”

Threepio spoke so plainly that Rey wanted to cry. He wouldn’t lie to her, which made it hurt more. “I guess I shouldn’t speculate then.” She replied, her eyes wet. 

Threepio nodded. “It does hurt, doesn’t it? Having your position in the universe paraded before your face?”

She grimaced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“Oh my goodness, no, miss, I didn’t mean you! I reckon you understand my lot in life better than most!” He patted Rey on the back. “You should speculate. Obviously you have managed to evade the authorities thus far, perhaps fate is on your side.” He smiled. 

“If I were free, I think I’d go with Ben to one of the colonies where no one would find us. We’d live in a small home together. I’m not sure what we would do. Perhaps be engineers or technicians. We would have children together.” What would she do with freedom?

“It isn’t considered advisable to reproduce with an individual such as Sergeant Solo, Miss. He carries many genetic markers that are considered substandard in the public market.” He seemed to soften at her expression. “But I understand the desire to reproduce with someone for whom you hold a deep affection is very strong. I, too, wish I could reproduce. I’m capable of sex, but my creators made me sterile. A cruel joke, to give me a biological imperative in a synthetic body. My art would be my revenge.”

Rey wasn’t quite sure how musical theatre would be revenge, but she supposed everyone had different interests. “Where can I access the ship’s record files?”

Threepio blossomed. “Oh there is so much to learn. You will enjoy it, I promise you, Mrs Solo! Here, I’ll show you to the ‘womb’ as we call it. It is where my dear friend, our vessel’s overriding computer system—who is currently sustaining you with the on board life functions, Mother.” 

He guided her from the kitchen down a series of blank corridors into a room near the vessel’s cockpit. She’d never been on this part of the ship and a glance into the cockpit showed her a view into the inky black space beyond. Her heart twisted in her chest… pure emptiness. The void. And yet those creatures could survive in it. 

The ‘womb’ was a small, warm room with a terminal and screen in the centre. The walls were a more grey-beige colour and the lighting was low. The terminal was flashing lines of code that Rey didn’t understand. Threepio pulled out a keypad: “What would you like to investigate, Miss?” He queried. 

Rey didn’t want to but she knew she had to. “The xenomorphs. I want to know everything we know about them.”

Threepio smiled coldly as he typed in some commands. “Macabre, miss, i like it. They are perfect organisms. The god who created them must’ve been better than ours.”

Rey shivered at his words and the screen switched from endless code to a long form encyclopaedia style entry. Rey sat down and began to read, there was a small chair in front of the screen and it was rather comfortable. Threepio bowed politely and smiled before leaving her to her studies. 

She hadn’t wanted to think about the creatures. Being around them at any point in her life had been a nightmare and thus they’d arisen to haunt her in her nightmares. She tried not to dedicate too much of her waking mind to their existence. But she also knew that this was essential reading. Any way she could provide assistance and keep her husband and her friends alive was absolutely necessary. 

The article mentioned Kyber colony. There were her and Ben’s pictures. She knew she’d been a child at the time but she hadn’t realised how young he’d been. The photo, taken shortly after their hasty departure from Kyber, showed a small child—herself—and a frightened boy. At the time he’d seemed so adult to her. Looking at the picture now, their survival seemed even more miraculous. 

She read the entire piece. It took her five hours to do so, and she missed her lunch, but she knew it was what she needed to do. Afterwards she slipped back to her and Ben’s room and cried on the bed until she slipped into unconsciousness. 

$$$

She awoke several hours later to dead silence in the room. The lights were still on, thank g-d, so the shadows couldn’t play tricks on her. She looked at the wall clock and realised it was dinner time. Her stomach hurt from missing lunch and she leapt out of bed and ran to the canteen. She needed to see if Ben was there or if she had to go looking for him again. 

The canteen was bustling and it took her a moment but she spied Ben sitting by himself at a table against the back wall of the room with a plate of food in front of him. His expression was blank and she could tell, through their telepathic connexion, that he was feeling numbed. 

She rushed over to him and sat down beside him. 

He looked up and her and chewed his lip before giving her a vulnerable smile. “I didn’t want to wake you up. I tried the stuff you did the touching shit—I mean stuff. It helped I’m just still a little raw but it’ll pass. It’s easier the more drills we do I think.” 

She put a hand on his shoulder and let her fingers brush against his face. His cheeks were wet. “I’m really proud of you.” He chewed his lips harder, so she continued, trying not to incite tears in front of his comrades. “I had one of the oranges you brought me. Threepio showed them to me. I guess this is a day where I just keep getting gifts from you!”

Ben smiled. “You seemed really into them when we were still on Earth and kept talking about how great they taste so I thought I’d bring you some. I’m glad you liked them.” 

Rey grasped his hand and squeezed it. “I loved them and I love you. I’m going to go grab a plate, are you going to be okay alone for a moment.”

Ben nodded. “Oh yeah.” He smiled at her. 

She walked over to where Threepio was serving plates. She passed Rose and Finn’s table and paused, thinking. She turned back and squatted down next to Rose.

Rose smiled at her. “What’s up?”

“I want to ask you a question but I want to ask it in private because it is very personal.” Rey said, her voice as quiet as possible. 

Finn raised his eyebrows and whistled quietly. 

Rose nodded. “Sure, mind if I finish my food first?”

“Yeah yeah, of course, I need to eat, too.” Rey blushed and stood up. “After, though?”

“Sure.” Rose said. 

Rey got her plate and sat down next to Ben. He was staring off into space and chewing on his lips again. The drills really took it out of him. She wished she could be there with him during them, but she worried at the same time that that might distress him further. 

The captain approached the table and slapped Ben gently on the back. Ben looked up. 

“Killer job on those drills today. No more bullshit like yesterday, okay?” He said. 

Ben grimaced. “Yeah that was fucked up.”

“No shit.” The captain smirked. “001? Man, I nearly threw my comm when I read that. But looks like you got shit under control now, so that’s something.” He turned to Rey. “Threepio said you were reviewing records today, how’d that go?”

“I read about the Xenos.” Rey said. “I want to be as helpful to this mission as possible. Of course, I have my lived experience, but some of the studies I didn’t know about, amongst other things.”

The captain looked impressed. “Nice, well, if I can think of something I want you to do, I’ll put you to work.” 

Ben glared at him. 

“... Not on the planet’s surface, though.” The captain said, delicately. “See you in the morning, Solo.” He walked away from their table and joined an enormous blonde woman and Mr Hux. 

“I think I could be of use on the planet’s surface, Ben. Especially, remember last time when the Queen—“ 

She was cut off. “No.” Ben said. His eyes looked wet again. “Please, Rey.”

She bit her tongue, but she wasn’t going to let him decide where and when she went. “Do you mind meeting up with me in our room? I wanted to talk to Rose about something—lady things.”

Ben shrugged. He still looked miserable. She supposed she couldn’t control his emotions, the best she could do was help when she could. “Of course. Yeah. There’s also, uh, Artoo, he’s another synthetic, if you need to talk about medical stuff at all with someone.” He sniffed. “He’s pretty good. All the synthetics have some medical knowledge but he’s really good. Older model. Very interesting.” 

He picked up his plate. “I think I need to lay down.” He sniffed again and smiled at her, before bending over to kiss the top of her head.  _ I love you. Sorry I’m like this again.  _

_ No apologies. I’m so proud you were able to ground yourself. Thank you again for the oranges. And I’ll go where I damn well please.  _ She probably shouldn’t have thought that last part. 

He glared at her.  _ Okay. But I don’t want to die (anymore) and I don’t want you to die so I’m going to do what I damn well please to ensure that doesn’t happen, BASHERT.  _

She raised her eyebrows and played with her food.  _ Hmm. We’ll see. _

He exhaled loudly through his nose.  _ Rey, I swear to g-d— _

_ I won’t purposely put myself in danger.  _ She thought.  _ I’m not stupid. I’m a grown woman; I can look after myself.  _

_ You’re also my wife and I love you and I don’t want you to fucking die, Rey. This isn’t funny. I can’t lose you.  _ His knuckles were turning white on his tray and he was breathing shallowly. 

_ You’re my husband, Ben, and I don’t want YOU to … fucking … die! I’m not joking around. I’m also not being defiant for no reason.  _ She looked at him. 

She realised then that everyone was staring. 

“What… is, uh, going on here?” The captain said. “This some sort of mime show or….”

Mr Hux stood up from his table, his expression delighted. “This… are you two able to communicate through thought?”

The captain laughed. “You amaze me with the dumb shit you say—“

Mr Hux strode forward, looking at Ben’s head excitedly. “You two survived your wounds on Kyber because of the Royal Jelly from one Queen. It healed you. Sustained you.  _ Connected  _ you.” He reached up a hand and touched Ben’s hair. Ben flinched. “Have you two always had this?”

Rey suddenly felt much more naked than she had in the showers. This wasn’t being hairier than everyone else, this was literally being a different kind of entity. “No,” she said, quietly. “Only recently.”

“Proximity?” Hux queried. He turned to the captain. “Do you have any idea the military applications for this? No more comm systems. No more potential interference. Pure communication without the need to scramble or engineer.” He looked ecstatic. “Beyond that—the implications for mankind! This could bring about the next stage of evolution!” He turned back to Ben, hungrily. “If we don’t procure our specimen from the planet, and that we will, at the very least we have you two.”

Ben smacked away Hux’s hand. “If you fuck with my wife’s head, I’ll kill you myself. It doesn’t take a fucking plasma rifle to kill a worm.” He spat on the ground. 

Hux blanched. “We’ll see about that, Solo.” 

“Okay, everyone, stop staring. We’ll debrief about this in the morning after showers and before drills. Sergeant,” the captain turned to Ben. “I need to talk with you.”

Ben glanced at Rey before turning to the captain. “Yes sir.” He said. 

_ Don’t let that ginger fuck anywhere near you.  _ He thought, hurriedly, as he followed the captain from the room. 

_ I won’t. Stay safe.  _ She thought, back. 

After the captain and Ben left the room everyone was still staring at her. She moved to get up from her table but Hux threw himself into the seat opposite her. 

“So, how long has this been happening? Since you were brought back from Kyber? Since you first tasted the Jelly?” He looked hungry.

Rey stood from the table. Hux tried to grab for her hand but she dodged him and walked straight towards Rose. “Can we talk now?” She asked. 

Rose was looking at her differently than before. There was something of awe in her expression and that embarrassed Rey. “Uh… yeah… okay.” Rose kissed Finn on the cheek before following Rey from the canteen. 

After a few moments walking in silence, Rey wanted to talk in her and Ben’s room, Rose started speaking: “is that true? You guys can communicate telepathically?”

Rey blushed. “I don’t know how it works.”

Rose was trying to keep her expression neutral. “Wow. That’s amazing.”

When they got to Ben and Rey’s room, Rey shut the door and gestured for Rose to sit on the bed. Suddenly she felt extremely exposed and embarrassed but she really wasn’t sure how to proceed and she didn’t want to have to ask Threepio to look it up for her in the records. “How do you have sex?” She finally asked. 

Rose laughed and then stopped when she saw Rey was serious. “Uh… they never taught you that?”

“No, I mean, yes, I understand how it works but.” She inhaled deeply. She wished she still had a mother to talk to about these things. She knew her mother would’ve loved Ben. “When Ben and I are intimate, he’ll put a finger inside of me and it feels like a lot to my body. Like it feels huge. And the most I’ve ever been able to do touching myself is two fingers and two of my fingers are about the same as one of his. I just don’t understand how I can get his… penis… inside me without it hurting a lot. I know it must be possible, because the vagina can birth babies, but I really want it and I’m not sure how to do it.” She didn’t look at Rose. 

“Oh.” Rose said. She nodded. “That… makes a lot of sense. You’ve… you’ve not had sex before, huh?”

Rey shook her head. “Just with Ben. Well, with his hands and his mouth but not with his penis yet. I mean, I’ve touched his penis. That’s another thing, I’m scared I’d choke if I put it in my mouth or accidentally bite it.”

Rose smiled. “Okay. Well, I wasn’t a virgin when I got with Finn but I did kind of have to work up to penetrative sex with him. It’s just a matter of your body getting used to more. But you have to really work up to it, you know? Like he can’t just stick it in you. But maybe tell him what you want. Sounds like you two are figuring this stuff out together okay.”

Rey blushed. “Okay. By working up to it you mean—“

“Like two fingers, and then three, then see if you can take it, and if not just keep working at it.” Rose shrugged. “Just don’t rush yourself. Enjoy the ride.”

“Thank you.” Rey said. She looked at her hands. She was very glad she had a girl friend she could talk to. She really hadn’t had any friends at the asylum. 

“Of course.” Rose patted her back. “I’m really glad for you guys. If you have any other questions, let me know.” 

Rose left and Rey stayed sitting on the bed. Rey looked around the room. Then she pulled off her sweatpants and pulled down her underwear. Right now her crotch just felt regular. She thought about that morning and Ben’s mouth moving over her body and smiling at her between her legs.  _ That  _ started to warm her up. She ran her finger from her vagina to her clitoris, letting her finger tip pick up some of the juices that had started flowing. She rubbed at her clit for a while, thinking about Ben and the showers and his mouth and everything. When she started feeling tender, she put a finger inside herself. That felt fine. Okay so only a few more to go. She remembered his mouth on her breasts and she let her other hand move down to continue rubbing her clitoris whilst the other finger moved in and out of her vagina. 

She heard the door whoosh open and immediately stopped. 

“Rey—uh.” It was Ben. He looked like he’d been crying and his expression was shocked. When he got his bearings he started smiling. “Want me to take over?” 

Rey blushed and sat up, feeling bad for probably making the sheets gross. Ben said the synthetics changed them every day so at least that was something. “I want to have sex with you.” She said, bluntly. 

Ben’s smile was overwhelming. “Yeah.” 

<

Rey continued looking at him, noticing he was becoming more and more aroused. “I mean, I want your penis inside of me. I want to do that.”

Ben’s smile faltered. “Rey, uh, yeah, uh.” He was blushing. “Okay.”  _ I don’t know how to do that.  _

_ I don’t either.  _ Rey beamed at him.  _ It might take a while, but I think it could be fun.  _

Ben immediately started disrobing. Rey pulled her top off and kissed his stomach when he approached the bed. He was already completely erect and Rey looked at his penis with concern. Ben climbed onto the bed beside her and started kissing her excitedly. His hand went down to her vulva and he started playing with her clitoris. She shuddered. 

“I want to taste you again.” Ben said, between kisses. “You taste so good and your vagina is really beautiful.”

Rey’s body was thrumming marvellously. She didn’t want to get distracted from her main goal but the idea of him using his mouth on her again piqued her interest. “Okay, but can you try using two fingers on me? So I can get used to it?”

Ben was sucking on her neck and the hand that wasn’t occupied with her clitoris was playing with her breasts. “Yeah, okay, but let me know if it’s too much, okay?” 

“Mmhmm.” She moaned. It was getting more difficult to have a conversation. 

Ben trailed down and let his mouth play with her breasts for a while before he began working on her clitoris. She felt one of his fingers enter her and her body shuddered and bristled with excitement. He was moving the finger around a lot whilst his mouth worked and it was getting very hard to focus on what was happening but it felt excellent. She felt him start to put a second finger in and she had to mentally tell herself to relax. It felt like a lot. Like she was being stretched, like her skin could break.

She looked down at him. He was looking up at her. “How does that feel? That’s before the first knuckle.”

She felt momentarily frustrated. That was it? Not even to the first joint on his fingers and she already felt like this. “Just keep it there and keep using your mouth.”

Ben licked his lips and went back to work. Her orgasm was wonderful and long, like it had been that morning. Afterwards she could feel Ben’s fingers were still in her. She felt him push them in a little bit more and it didn’t hurt so much anymore, just felt very tight. 

“How’s that?” He asked, moving his fingers around and making her body start to heat up again. 

“It’s okay, it feels tight.” She said. “How far in is that?”

“That’s just beyond my first joint.” He said. He moved his fingers and she shuddered. He smiled proudly. 

She tried to control her breathing. She knew if she got too worked up her body would tense up and that would make things difficult. She breathed slowly and stared up at the ceiling. 

After her third orgasm the two fingers were able to go all the way in. She was having so much fun that she was giddy. She kept laughing and kissing Ben and playing with him with her hands when she could get her wits together enough to do anything over than just lie there and take it in, wave after wonderful wave. 

He was starting to put in a third finger, but it was tough going, and she was wincing and trying to relax. She saw the clock.

“Oh no! Oh Ben it’s so late we have to sleep.” She whined. She hated having to bring an end to the evening. She felt like her whole body had been purified in some wonderful way.

Ben was breathing heavily. “Okay. We can work on this more tomorrow.” He threw himself onto the pillow next to her.

She kissed him and reached down, touching his stomach and then grasping his penis. He sighed into her kiss and she ran her hands along it like she’d done in the shower. She could tell when he was starting to approach his climax and she stopped. “Breathe slowly.” She instructed him. 

He opened his eyes and looked at her with such love and admiration that it was intoxicating. He steadied his breath and she was able to play with him a bit longer before he ejaculated, again, onto her stomach. 

He kissed her very gently afterwards. “I love you so much, Rey.”

She pressed little kisses into his chest, the thrumming in her body turning effortlessly into sleepiness. “I love you, too.”

$$$


	11. Chapter 11

The drill they were doing was a complex one, created by the computer, based on the most recent data from the probes. This one was an infiltrate the nest, capture the queen, and exit. 

Ben felt nauseous, as he always did before drills, but the morning had been a great one. He and Rey had unfortunately awoken at the alarm but they’d shared an orange over breakfast and he was excited to see her again that evening. The grounding techniques had helped the day before and he hoped they would work again that night. 

His time with Rey made him believe in a future, the drills made him remember that there really was no hope of that. 

They were in the oppressive heat of the jungle again. Ben could feel his fatigues sticking to his body and chafing against his skin with his pack on his back. 

They’d divided up into smaller groups. It was him, Finn, Rose, and Valenzuela. Their job was to pave the way so that the next group, Beta Team (they were Alpha), could infiltrate the nest and capture the Queen, then the final team, Gamma Team, would cover the both of them as they extracted the Queen. 

Finn was leading Alpha because of his expert intuition about the hive interiors. This constructed hive was modelled after one of the ones the probes had photographed from the planet. It was colossal, about ten times the size of the hive from drill 001. Since this was drill 349, he supposed that followed. His stomach flipped as they approached one of the freakishly organic looking entrances. 

Ben was covering the rear and he realised with a lurch in his guts what the entrances reminded him of. They kind of looked like a vulva. He felt horrible for comparing something as lovely as a vulva to something as evil as this. He felt sick. 

Finn gestured them forward. He crept into the entrance first. Shining the light on his carbine into the dark tunnel. “How many bugs there usually are in a hive like this?” Finn said over the comm. 

Ben could feel Rose bristle beside him. “Over a thousand.” Ben muttered. The jungle was still. 

Ben hated covering the rear because it meant walking backwards and he wasn’t exactly the most coordinated person. On the other hand, he trusted his comrades and felt safe knowing they were monitoring the front. 

They moved as a unit into the hive. Immediately they were set upon by a swarm of bugs. Ben could barely see between the beetle black limbs as he fired his carbine on full automatic. 

“Keep moving!” Finn shouted into the comm. 

The gun fire was keeping the bugs at a safe distance but they were getting closer. Rose lit up her flamethrower and was able to keep them far enough that Ben and Valenzuela could pull off some expert shots.

They took out the rest of the bugs as they moved with Finn down one of the tunnels. 

They encountered a few more swarms and took them out. One they were able to get the jump on, disorientated with a flash grenade, and destroyed with some quick semi auto blasts. 

The Queen’s chambre was guarded by some super drones, larger and more adept than the usual sort. It was swelteringly hot and Ben knew his sweat was dripping down his legs. 

Taking out the super drones was a coordinated and concerted effort. They were almost as large as the Queen herself. Finn threw a grenade that latched onto one of their heads and exploded it, taking out the other super next to it. Ben could only catch glances, as he watched their back.

Once the supers were taken out, Ben finally got a good look. They were decimated and their acidic blood was eating into the walls and floor of the hive. “Beta team, you are go.” Ben said into the broader comm channel. 

The Queen’s chambre was vaulted and enormous. Stonking hot. She was trapped in the middle of the room, connected to her egg sac membrane. The egg sac membrane was thick and an almost neon green colour. It was attached to her abdomen. The walls of the chambre were covered in thick slime and Ben noticed, with horror, that the simulation had input human hosts trapped into the wall. What a disgusting touch. 

This was his second drill of the day. 

Beta Team entered the chambre through the same entrance that Alpha Team had come through. He couldn’t watch what they did. Half of their team joined theirs to maintain control of the Queen’s Chambre whilst the rest worked on immobilising her and detaching the egg sac so she could be moved. His position was watching another entrance. 

He trusted his team. He didn’t regret that. But his trust meant he hadn’t had any time to react. He was facing his entrance when he heard a roar from behind him. He felt a shock through his system—the simulation’s way of telling him he was dead—as he looked down and saw the spike at the end of the Queen’s tail emerging from his chest. 

He blacked out. 

$$$

Rey sat in the womb, her attention fully focused on the screen in front of her. She’d been there for a few hours, but had made sure to take a break for lunch this time. The article she was currently reading was about the Nostromo and their encounter with the Xenomorphs. They’d only had one drone to contend with and it had eliminated almost the entire crew, save on brave woman. However, it had been the first contact. 

She wasn’t sure what her end goal was with this research. She knew she wanted to help the mission in any way that she could. She didn’t know how exactly to do that. Every time an image of one of those monsters appeared on the screen she felt sick. 

She was just getting to the paragraph about Ellen Ripley—the sole survivor of the Nostromo—and how she’d managed her escape when the door to the womb slid open. 

She turned and saw the captain standing there, out of breath. “Rey, I need you to come with me to medical right now.”

She stood from the only chair in the room. “Why—what—is Ben okay?”

The captain shook his head. “Accident during one of the drills. He’ll be fine but I need to talk with the both of you.”

He didn’t say another word but started off down the corridor. Rey followed behind at a loss. What sort of training accident? She hoped he was okay. She knew the drills themselves were already psychologically damaging enough. She hated the idea of Ben having to contend with physical injuries as well….

_ My love, what has happened?  _ She reached out with her mind for him. 

She found him in the same disorientated state he’d been after the first day of drills. Oh, poor Ben! She wished she could hold him. He couldn’t communicate with her like this. She could only see how much he was hurting inside his own mind and how confused it was. 

The captain stopped in front of a white set of doors and thumbed the keypad. The doors admitted the pair of them into what must’ve been the medical quarters. The room was about half the size of the canteen with much lower ceilings. Ben was on a grey medical bed in the centre. He was wearing his skivvies and surrounded by synthetics. He looked like he’d been crying but now he was just chewing his lips and staring at the ceiling. 

“All right, Solo.” Captain Dameron stood over Ben and put his hands on his hips. “What’s going on? You’re getting sloppy as hell. First that bullshit with 001, now this, Hux tells me you’re sexually active—you think you don’t need the shot anymore? That somehow getting married cured you?” The captain ran a hand through his hair. 

Ben’s breathing was audible. He looked at the captain. “Sir, I can explain—“

“I get it. I really do.” The captain looked miserable. “But shit, man, these drills are destroying you. You’re not usually like this. You’re swimming in and out of psychosis. You know with that shit  _ no one  _ is going to survive this mission.”

Ben’s face crumpled and Rey felt horrible for him. She couldn’t just stand there. She rushed forward so she could hold him, but a synthetic held her back. He was crying noisily and it was embarrassing. She could tell through their telepathic communication that he was mortified. “Sir, please, that shit makes me—I don’t feel human when I’m on that—I can’t go back on it, please, sir, I’ll do anything—“

Rey heard the door whoosh open behind her and she spun around to see Mr Hux entering the room. 

“What’s happening?” He asked. He saw Ben and approached the bed. He looked at the captain. “What’s going on here?”

“Solo needs to go back on the shot. He’s upset about it. He got spiked in the drill.” The captain responded dryly. 

Ben was sobbing and Rey felt like her heart was being torn apart. It hurt so much to see him like this. “Please.” She said, quietly. “There has to be some other way….”

The captain looked at her blankly. “Which do you want, Rey? Your husband alive or your daily dick appointment? I’m sorry to be crass but that’s really what this comes down to.”

Rey’s cheeks burned. She liked the captain but in that moment she wanted to slap him across the face. 

“I can’t hear her when I’m on the—she’s not in my head on the shot—we can’t communicate—only when I stopped did we start.” Ben was trying to speak between sobs.

Hux raised an eyebrow and looked at Rey. “Is that true?”

Rey didn’t like the way Hux was looking at her. She also hated what the captain had just said to her. She felt so exposed and wished she and Ben could just vanish and never be beholden to anyone again. She crossed her arms and held herself. “Yes. It was only around the time we married that we started communicating telepathically. That’s the same time he stopped the shot.”

Hux grabbed the captain by the arm and pulled him into a corner, muttering feverishly. Rey couldn’t hear what they were saying, but since they’d moved away from Ben she was able to approach the bed. He was crying silently now, staring at the ceiling again. She leant over him and pressed a kiss into his forehead.  _ It’s going to be okay. I won’t let them hurt you _ . She thought. 

_ Rey, I’m so scared.  _ She could tell he hadn’t meant to think that. He’d wanted to conceal his fear from her but he was as exposed right now as she was. The drills today had triggered him much worse than usual. 

“Fine!” She heard the captain yell from the corner. “If a single fucking marine dies because of this, I want your fucking head on a plate!” He approached the bed and spoke to one of the synthetics. “He needs a mild sedative.” He helped Ben to a sitting position. “Mr Hux believes you can do this without the injection. I  _ hope _ that is true. I need you to not let it get this bad again, okay? You’re all getting a day off tomorrow and I don’t want to see this shit  _ ever _ again. If you’re having problems you have to fucking deal with them. If you go catatonic out there, all your men will die and so will you, understood, sergeant?”

Ben was still breathing heavily. He nodded. 

“Good. Get some fucking rest. I don’t want to see you until you’ve got your shit together.” The captain worked his jaw. He shot a nasty look at Hux before storming out of the medical area. 

A synthetic injected Ben with something. Rey saw the label and saw that it was, in fact, a mild sedative. Afterwards they helped him to his feet. 

Mr Hux approached. “Don’t let this cost me, Solo.” He said. He nodded at Rey and then left. 

Rey walked Ben slowly back to their room. She felt guilty, because she knew that they wouldn’t be able to continue their work tonight and she felt a little sad about that. She was mostly worried about Ben, though. She wondered what had happened in the drill that had upset him so. 

In their room, she helped him out of his skivvies, which were sweaty, and into a fresh pair of sweats. He was being very quiet and looked very sad. 

_ How can I help? _ She thought. 

_ I… don’t know. I’m really sorry, Rey. I didn’t mean for this to happen.  _

_ I know.  _ She kissed him gently on the lips.  _ Let’s have a relaxing evening together, okay? Lay down. I’ll be right back.  _ She helped him into bed and then rushed out of their room and into the kitchen. 

Threepio was in there, to her surprise, leaning against one of the counters and drinking what looked like a martini glass full of milk. “Hello Mrs Solo.” He said, cheerfully. “I’ve not finished preparing dinner. Just having a lovely drink. How may I help you?”

Whenever Rey was upset as a child, her mother had always prepared her a cup of tea. She remembered after her father’s death how her mother’s friends had prepared her a cup of tea. When she’d been staying at Rose’s mother’s home they’d shared tea together in a warm silence. Tea was healing and exactly what Ben needed right now. She needed some herself. “Where is the kettle? I wanted to make some tea for me and my husband.”

Threepio smiled. “Very civilised.” He led her to where there was a small tap emerging from the wall. “This is the hot water dispenser. I’m afraid it’s decidedly less civilised than your designs, but let me fetch you some cups and tea bags.” 

Together they prepared the tea and she thanked Threepio before she left, carrying the two hot cups back to her and Ben’s room. 

Ben was lying back on the bed, his eyes glassy. She set the cups down on the bedside table and helped him into a sitting position. She then took the blanket from their bed and wrapped it around both of their shoulders. She took one of the cups and placed it in Ben’s hands. It wasn’t so hot it would burn him, but the sensation seemed to help him ground himself.

He smiled at her. “You’re amazing.”

She blushed and took her own cup. “My mother always used to prepare tea for me when I was upset. Back on Kyber. That was one of her ways of comforting us.” She kissed his shoulder. “I think it really helps. I miss her. I never really got to mourn them. I went straight from hell into that psychiatry induced coma.” 

Ben was looking at her. “You’re so strong, Rey.” He was holding his cup to his chest and took a small sip. “If you need to mourn them, it’s not too late. It still hurts. I still hurt from the brothers I lost on Kyber. It’s not the same, but it… yeah.” 

Rey wasn’t sure why all of this was coming up now. She felt her eyes grow wet and her nose started to drip. Why was this happening now?  _ Ben  _ needed her now, it wasn’t the right time. “I remember when we were in that room. The locker room I think. And you and that other marine—I don’t remember her name—were fixing the comm system. And she was attacked by one of the facehuggers. And you killed her.” She looked at him. His face was pale and he was crying again. So was she. “And I was so scared at the time, but I knew what you’d done had been merciful. It had been the greatest kindness you could’ve given her. I knew that then. And Ben, I just don’t want to lose you.” She couldn’t hold it back. The tears were flowing down her cheeks and she could only sniff so much to stop her nose. 

“You won’t lose me.” He said. “I won’t leave you.”

She smiled. He spoke so sincerely. “I see in your mind that you think you will die. Ben, I cannot bear that.”

He breathed deeply and chewed his lips. He took another sip of his tea and sniffed. “I did think that. I’m so scared of that. Before… I didn’t mind if I died. But now I fear it. I don’t want to die. I don’t know how I’ll live… but I want that more than anything. To be alive with you.”

She took a long drink from her tea and pulled the blanket close on her shoulders. “I love you so much.”

He was pressing kisses onto her neck but she could tell he was still deeply upset. She was too. She really didn’t know what to do. It was so hard to ignore their current reality. She didn’t want to make plans in case she had to live with them being dashed. She was only just acknowledging the past, how could she dream of a future?

He stopped kissing her and returned to his tea. “I… I can’t promise I won’t die, Rey. But I won’t let myself die. I won’t make it easy. They’ll have to rip my life from me. I won’t give it up.”

She sighed. That was at least something. “I wish my mother could’ve met you before she died. She would’ve loved you. So would’ve my dad.”

He drank some more tea. “If my parents are ever freed—and I don’t think they will be—they’ll love you. Maybe… when this is all over… we can send them a communiqué? So they can know they have a daughter now.” He chewed his lips again. The motion seemed to calm him. He smiled wistfully. 

Rey felt calm herself. She drank some more of her tea. 

“If—when we’re out of here… what do you want to do?” He looked at her. “You’re not a marine. You don’t have to be involved in this shit, I’m sorry, stuff. Do you want to like do school or something?”

“I was actually talking with Threepio about that.” She laughed. “I don’t know. Maybe. It’s hard to imagine anything beyond this right now. Of course, it was hard for me to imagine anything beyond the asylum before.”

Ben nodded. “I think you should do school. You’re really smart.”

She smiled and felt herself blush. “Maybe. Wherever I end up, I want it to be with you.”

“Yeah. Me too.” He said. 

The alarm rang to signal dinner time. The canteen was full and everyone was eager, having received the memo from the captain giving everyone a day of rest. She and Ben shared a table with Finn and Rose. 

“Shit was intense today.” Finn said, around a bite of bread. “I’m glad we’re getting a day off. I know it just gives you a shock in the simulation but fuck if it doesn’t look like you’ve been eviscerated.”

Rose nodded. “I almost threw up in my breathing apparatus.”

Rey looked between them and Ben. “Is that what happened in the drill today? You died?”

Ben cast his gaze downward. 

“Happens to the best of us, Sarge. Better in here than out there.” Finn said, gently. 

Rey understood why Ben had been so upset. She wanted to comfort him there but she didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his comrades. “What are you two planning to do with your day off?”

Finn winked but Rose shivered. “I don’t know. It feels weird. Taking a day off when there’s a planet teeming with those things right there. Like taking a shower with a nest of spiders in the ceiling corner.”

“I agree.” Ben said. “But captain’s orders. We have to use the rest to power us forward. If we don’t take advantage of it, we’re wasting it.”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m planning on wearing myself out.” Finn laughed and elbowed Ben. 

Rose rolled her eyes but giggled. “There’s not much else to do on this ship.” 

“There’s the womb!” Rey said. “I’ve been doing research whilst you all’ve been doing drills.”

Finn snickered. “That’s not exactly fun, Rey.”

Ben smiled at Rey. It was a teasing smile.  _ You’re too smart for your own good.  _

She reached forward and took his hand on the table. “I think it’s fun. I was trapped in a place where I basically wasn’t allowed to think before. Being able to learn and make friends and just… breathe. It’s all so much more than I could’ve ever imagined.”

Rose grinned. “We’re lucky to have you with us, Rey.”

$$$

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if anyone is still reading this :/


	12. Chapter 12

Hux sat with his back against the wall and his naked legs crossed underneath him. He was typing out a transmission as rapidly as possible. They needed to begin experiments on the telepathic potential of Xeno Zip (pure) immediately. He had so many questions he wanted to ask Terani and Solo but wasn’t sure where to begin. It would take a while to get this information back to the company and he desperately hoped their scientists could advise him on how to proceed. This discovery alone should save his skin. He was almost gleeful as he typed. 

Dameron was smoking and looked like the life had been drained from his eyes. Hux caught a glimpse of him as he typed. The sex hadn’t been as magnificent this time, but it was still excellent by Hux’s standards. Dameron looked miserable. 

He finished typing his communication and commanded it be sent. He closed his comm device and moved across the bed to Dameron, reaching out and stroking his muscular shoulders. “You all right?”

Dameron still looked drained. “I’m worried about my men. I wish you were, too.”

Hux wrinkled his nose. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Dameron glared at him and flicked some ash onto the floor from his cigarette. “Come on, Hux. Your only stake in this mission is your own ass. You don’t give a shit if those kids die out there.” He gritted his teeth. “Shoulda put Solo back on the fucking shot, I don’t give a shit about the ‘evolutionary potential’—you’re not gonna get your Queen and I’m not going to have anyone left.”

Hux sniffed. “I do give a shit if they die. Obviously I don’t want them to die. Neither does the company—“

“Shut the fuck up.” Dameron slapped Hux’s hand from his shoulder. “You only care because you don’t want another PR disaster. But you come back with a big enough discovery, it won’t matter how many bodies paved the way, huh? Yeah.”

Hux was taken aback. He’d not seen Dameron this angry before. It was a little alarming and embarrassing. Did people really think this little of him? Did he deserve that? “Look, if we medicate Solo too much that could jeopardise the telepathic connection—“

“Billions of miles and ten years on those drugs didn’t jeopardise it! Are you fucking kidding me! Jesus!” He jumped up from the bed. “That’s it. Fuck you. You can experiment around and find out what keeps the connection and keeps him in control when we get back to Earth. While I’m in command, that guy’s going back on the shot.” He puffed angrily on his cigarette. “Fuck you, I’m in charge.”

Dameron had made a point. “The company is in charge, Captain Dameron, and you’d do well to remember that. But… yes. I think you’re right. And procuring the Queen is the ultimate objective, without her further research would be impossible, so FINE. I acquiesce.” Hux shrugged. Gods this man was annoying. 

Dameron grinned cockily. “ _ Captain Dameron,”  _ he imitated Hux’s accent horribly. “I love the way you say it. Like  _ damn right _ I’m the fucking captain.”

Hux wasn’t sure where this was going, but if Dameron was getting off to this then he probably would be soon, too. “They beat this accent into you at public school.” Hux tried to say seductively. 

“I bet you liked that.” Dameron laughed. He licked his lips around the cigarette and grinned even broader. 

$$$

After dinner, Rey could tell the sedative was making Ben uncomfortable. She took him back to their room and they sat there together again, but she wanted to take him somewhere else. 

“Have you seen the view from the cockpit?” She asked as he eased down onto the bed. 

“Not from here but the view’s not that different. Different dots in different places. Same shit.” He was tired. 

She sighed. She wanted to gaze out at the stars with him but Rose was right about it feeling wrong with the Alien homeworld right there. Soon they’d be entering orbit. That was terrifying. That meant if they lost orbit they would be crashing in Hell. Dying in the vacuum of space was preferable. 

“The view is always nicer from the planet’s surface.” Ben’s words were slurring. “From Trappist the sunset was spectacular. Maybe someday….” he was snoring. 

Rey cuddled up beside him, resting her hips against his and appreciating the warmth there but not taking advantage of his sleep. Her back was against his chest and she pulled his arm so it draped over her waist. She wondered briefly if now would be an okay time for her to work on penetration some more, but looking at her hands she realised that all of her fingers put together were still smaller than his penis. She sighed again, annoyed. Then she felt guilty. He’d been through so much mental anguish that day and she was laying there thinking about how she wasn’t having penetrative sex yet. She knew he wanted it, too, so that belayed some of her guilt. She also knew that he was in mental anguish. She needed to be kind to herself. She had seen the care and love Ben had treated her with. She’d been denied that for so much of her life. Now that she got to be loved, she wasn’t going to let her own guilt get in the way. 

She didn’t put any fingers inside herself, but she did massage her clitoris with her eyes closed, listening to his breathing and feeling the warmth of his chest against her back. It was just a comforting and nice feeling and eventually she drifted to sleep. 

$$$

Ben awoke the next morning feeling groggy from the sedatives. Since it was a day off there was probably not going to be an alarm, which meant he didn’t really know what time it was. He climbed carefully over Rey, who was snoring and drooling, and peed in the room’s toilet. He was so glad that Captain Dameron had decided against putting him back on the shot. He thanked g-d, and then said the Shema under his breath. Life was so beautiful when he was with it. He hated psychosis and his hallucinations but he loved being able to think clearly and feel emotions and experience the deep emotional and physical intimacy that he was sharing with the love of his life. It must’ve been bashert, that he rescued her. That she survived. That g-d allowed them to find each other back together. He loved her with the depth and intensity that he could only use to describe select other connections: his love of his parents (and the bitterness of their separation), the protection and care he felt for his siblings at arms. 

He climbed back in the bed and watched her sleep. She breathed slowly and it was so wonderful to see her at peace. He chewed his lip and his heart skipped whilst his brain started allowing him to imagine things he’d never let himself conceive of before (with any detail at least): imagine him and Rey under the chuppah, with a proper Jewish wedding? Imagine Rey cosied up in a bedroom to call their own—in a small home not on base? Imagine Rey and him bringing a child into the world and raising it with love and compassion and passing on the beautiful love that they shared together to a new soul?

He’d always felt less than human. Like his disability and his parentage and his ethnicity separated him and marked him as worthy of less love and happiness than other people. With Rey—what could he possibly done to deserve this?—he felt like he transcended even humanity to something closer to perfection. An impossible goal, but one somehow within sight through the love they shared. 

Her beautiful dark hair sat around her face in loose curls. Her lips were pink and her eyelashes were thick. Her shoulder was a perfect arc of musculature and he leant forward and kissed it gently. Her lashes fluttered and her eyes opened. She smiled sleepily at him. Her smile turned mischievous as she moved her round buttocks against his erection. His breath caught and he kissed her enthusiastically on her lips, using one of his hands to reach under her vest and hold her soft and warm breasts. He felt a mix of excitement and wonderful frustration. Her rubbing against him was already almost too much. 

She turned in his arms so she was facing him and kissed him ferociously. She then pulled back and gave him another mischievous look. She pulled up his shirt so his chest was exposed and her hands were all over him. She was kissing and licking his chest and his breathing was getting faster. 

She looked up at him. “Breathe slowly, Ben.” She took an exagérated inhale and exhale. She actually looked annoyed. He felt embarrassed for a moment.  _ I’m not annoyed.  _ She thought.  _ I just want this to last as long as possible.  _

He listened to her and tried to keep his breathing calm but it was extremely difficult. His entire body felt sensitive and hot and exposed and loved. She was kissing his stomach and he couldn’t help but gasp. He felt like he was losing control of the situation but that wasn’t a bad thing. Sometimes he was in control and sometimes she was. It seemed there was always some balance. 

She pulled down his sweatpants and he felt more and more anticipation building. He was so excited. He wasn’t really sure what Rey was doing but he trusted her and he felt so very beautiful and ecstatic. He felt her little hands on his penis and he gasped again from the sensitivity. He tried to steady his breathing again but then something soft and wet enveloped the head of his penis and sent him straight into orgasm. 

When he’d come down and his breathing had returned to normal he felt so wonderfully relaxed in his brain and neck and body that he almost cried. He looked down dazedly at Rey who’s mouth looked agitated and had a bit of semen dripping from the corner of her lips. 

“That was your mouth?” He asked, only realising afterwards what a stupid question that was. He’d been so disorientated by everything that he really hadn’t been sure what he’d been experiencing, except that it was a lot. 

Rey wiped the semen off with the back of her hand and then licked it. “Mhmm.” She responded, matter-of-factly. “What? You think you’re the only one who gets a taste?”

He laughed and ached a little. He just wanted to climb on top of her and bury her in kisses but his body apparently needed a moment to recover. He lay back and rested his head on the pillow, breathing deeply. 

Rey kissed his neck before climbing out of bed. “I’m going to go grab us something to eat from the kitchen.” 

Ben rolled onto his side, still feeling a little dazed. “No, don’t go. Just. We can go together in a moment.”

She looked at him and he realised he was crying. She smiled kindly at him and climbed back into the bed, gently stroking his chest. “Okay.”

He held her close to him and felt so overwhelmed with emotion. Not only did he love her more than anything he could conceive of, but she loved him equally. He delighted in her body and giving her happiness and she delighted in him and in giving him happiness. He didn’t understand how a universe so objectively cruel had granted such a beautiful kindness. He couldn’t stop crying and felt silly about it but he was feeling so much that his body couldn’t handle it. He kissed the top of her head and smelled her hair. 

She pressed her head against his chest and held him tight. She didn’t need to say anything but he felt everything through this moment shared.  _ I love you. I love you. Without anything. You don’t need to prove anything. I love you.  _

They were there for a long moment and eventually his tears relented. He breathed deeply and tried to calm himself. He still felt overwhelmed with love but his body was starting to process it. 

He looked down and Rey was smiling at him. “Let’s go to the kitchen and get some food. I think we both need to eat.”

He nodded. He didn’t feel like he could talk very well just then but Rey seemed to understand. They climbed out of bed, straightened out their clothes, and proceeded to the kitchen. 

Threepio was in there making a large quantity of toast. “Would you like some toast, Sergeant, Mrs Solo?” He asked. 

Rey smiled at him. “Yes please.” She took some and put it on a plate. She seemed to know the kitchen a lot better than him. She moved quickly, grabbing various foods and piling the plate with them. She finally filled two cups full of coffee and cream and handed them to Ben. “You carry these. Follow me.”

She led him from the kitchen down a couple of corridors. She was taking him to the cockpit, he realised. When they entered the space it was dark, lit only with the resting lights of the equipment. Rey flipped a switch and the space illuminated. Ben seldom entered the cockpit, that was really the Captain’s space and he wasn’t interested in being part of it. Rey seemed very excited, however. She set the plate down on the floor and gestured for him to sit down. Outside the heavy windows was the blank and meaningless expanse of space. 

Rey started peeling the orange. “I love this place. It’s so beautiful. Reminds me of Kyber. You know I never got to see the stars from Earth. I don’t even know what they look like from there.”

Ben sat next to her, carefully handing her a cup of coffee. “It’s hard to see them in LA.”

She bit into a segment of orange. “When we’re finished with this”—she said it with such confidence, his stomach lurched—“where do you want to live? On Earth or one of the colonies? I don’t know if I trust Earth. When we live on our own, I think I might study to become an engineer or a pilot! And I’ll make you ghormeh sabzi every day!”

He smiled. She was so beautiful and obviously happy. It was infectious. “Maybe I can get a desk job. Then they’d pay for our house, wherever they put us, if they approve our marriage.”

“Really?” Rey asked excitedly. She was eating more orange. “I think that would be wonderful.”

Ben took a bite of the toast. He didn’t realise until that moment how absolutely right Rey had been. He did need food. He felt like he’d been starving. “I think you’d be an amazing engineer. You’re really smart. Even when you were a kid I could see the gears turning in your head.”

She blushed. “We’ll get out of this, Ben.” 

His stomach flipped and his mouth felt dry. “I… Rey, I don’t know if we will. I really,  _ really  _ want to. But no matter what happens there’s always going to be the company and there’s always going to be the Xenos.”

She touched his hand. “Ben, it’s not about winning. It’s about surviving. We make it through this, we can figure out how to deal with what happens next.”

He stuffed some more toast in his mouth. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“I want to have kids. I want to have a big family.” Rey said, abruptly. “And I want to be an engineer. We’ll make it happen.”

$$$

Hux sat inside the womb, the primary terminal for the ship’s computer. He’d received a notification that a transmission from the company had been received, but it hadn’t yet been dispatched to his comm device. He couldn’t wait that long. He needed to read it now. 

The Womb was warm and exceptionally Freudian. The screen glowed as the transmission was translated from garbled code into legible English. Finally, words he could read began to appear:

_ Communication received. Following to be initiated:  _

_ Following capture and cryo of Xenomorph Queen, Sergeant Binyamin Solo and fugitive Rey Terani are to be apprehended and returned to Earth for study. Custody of Solo and Terani has been turned over from Colonial Marine Corps and Earth Government, respectively, to Weyland Yutani. Following completion of Operation Helen successful, Solo and Terani are property of the company. Nothing is to be permitted that could endanger or damage Solo or Terani and especially nothing that could compromise their telepathic communication until further study has been completed. Do not allow harm to come to them. Selective First Law (object Solo and Terani) initiated on vessel synthetics.  _

So that was that. 

Hux’s stomach twisted. He should’ve felt delighted. Obviously the company was excited and obviously he’d be rewarded for this. There was something nauseating about “property of the company”, though. Something deeply wrong that made panic alight in his brain. 

Human beings. Property of the company. 

He didn’t like Solo. He thought the man was exceptionally attractive but also annoying, insolent, and insufferably trite where his wife was concerned. He didn’t like Terani. He thought she had an unacceptable amount of body hair for a woman and that her presence there was an obvious affront to his authority. At the same time, he could see, even as their bond excited him, that what they felt for each other was genuine. That, in spite of Solo’s mental history, they were full humans and hadn’t asked to be freaks of nature. He himself was a full human, in spite of his homosexuality, regardless of what the government said, he knew through his soul that he was as much a person as anyone else. 

He thought back to seeing the two of them in the shower. Their stupid, young, joyful smiles. Solo’s exquisite form and virginal demeanour. He thought about Dameron’s gentle caresses and warm breath as he fucked Hux. 

Goddamn it. What the fuck was he doing here? There was no drug in the universe that was worth more than that. He’d refused to pay it any mind before, but his thoughts immediately strayed to the carnage of Kyber. To the vicious destruction of the Nostromo. To everything they knew about these vile creatures. What the fuck was he doing? 

He should’ve just run after the synthetic Xeno Zip debacle. He didn’t know where he could’ve gone that the company wouldn’t find him. Snoke was vindictive. He seemed a man without a soul. What was the point of this? Royal Jelly was potent and amazing but… human property? He’d give up cocaine, energia, and all the other shit to never see that phrase again. 

His stomach continued to twist. What the fuck could he do? His hands were sweating. Dear god. There was really no way out of this. He’d done a lot of vile shit for the company. He’d excused a lot of vile shit from the company. People were dead and he’d convinced himself that that was a mistake but now he wasn’t so sure. He was in a corner. His balls were in a fucking vice. Forced to do evil. Forced to do harm. Forced to do something that every cell in his body found wrong. 

There was a sound. He looked up. 

Dameron was standing in the doorway to the Womb. The Womb was lit only by the screen and Dameron was silhouettes by some ugly bare light in the corridor beyond. 

“What’s it say?” He leant against the doorway, his muscular arms resting on the gaps in the wall. “The new transmission. You got here before I did.”

Hux just looked at him. He swallowed. “Solo and Terani are to be kept from harm and placed in company custody following the collection of the Queen.” His throat felt dry. 

“Nah, that’s not how that works. He’s a colonial marine.” Dameron said dismissively. 

“That’s exactly how it works.” Hux said, much more viciously than he intended. “I told you to  _ mind your place _ captain Dameron. I reckon the colonial marine corps would not be too pleased with an homosexual captain.”

Dameron paused. “God, you’re disgusting.” He took a single step into the room. “So you are telling me that you are getting every single one of my men killed, kidnapping my sergeant and his wife, and holding my sex life hostage so you can do it? That is lower than low, Armitage.”

Hux thought he might vomit. His throat hurt. “Mind your place, Captain Dameron. You will be richly rewarded.” He felt his soul descending into hell. 

$$$

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the amazing comments. It really means so much to me when you guys do that. I really really appreciate it and love it very much.


	13. Chapter 13

Rey hadn’t expected that. Her body felt like it didn’t have mass. Like every centimètre of her flesh was electric and vibrating at a frequency more profound and powerful than usual. It had taken her a little bit to get to the first orgasm, in part because her skin was cold when she’d taken off her clothes and it had just taken time to get her blood circulating. But after she’d been overcome with the first one Ben had just… continued. She wasn’t sure if it was another separate orgasm or just the first one sustained and intensified. She didn’t know how his mouth was able to do that to her. He had beautiful lips and she could feel his love for her through the act they shared. 

Her breath was ragged and heavy. She couldn’t seem to breathe without making noise. Her body still felt excited and overwhelmed in a wonderful way. She looked down, her legs were held up over Ben’s shoulders and he was looking at her with adoration, the sweetest smile, pure and loving. She sighed and could feel her body continue to shudder. He had three fingers in her and what had felt uncomfortable before was now simply filling and sliding easily in and out of her. 

“I think I’m ready.” She said, her voice rougher than usual. She felt so loved. So vulnerable and so protected and appreciated. Her stomach also tightened with excitement. She was so eager to have him inside of her. The idea was so intensely romantic and invigorating. 

He nodded and moved easily up so his face was level with hers. He kissed her gently and gazed at her with absolute love. “If it hurts, you’ll tell me, right? I never want to hurt you.”

She smiled, the excitement continuing to build in her hips. “I promise.”

He blinked and she could tell he was nervous. She kissed him and touched his face. 

He tried to ease into her very carefully, and she was grateful because even with ample preparation it still felt like she was taking more than her body could comfortably handle. She could tell that he was becoming overwhelmed with the sensation but she needed him to keep it together because if he moved any quicker she felt like she might tear in half. 

She was breathing very heavily and as he eased into her so carefully and slowly he continued to stroke her clitoris and she felt another orgasm coming. It was different this time, though. It felt like it was completely beyond her control. Normally, when she orgasmed, it was like her brain was facilitating the experience but this felt like her brain was beyond her. Everything was beyond her. Her body shuddered violently and she felt her muscles tighten around him as her brains expanded into the heavens. She shuddered again and it was almost punishing it was so intense. Her hips felt incredible and open and her entire core felt soothed and perfect. Another wave hit her and she slammed her head against something hard. She couldn’t open her eyes because she was sure the universe was either being created or destroyed. She felt intense warmth in her abdomen and the visceral thrumming in her hips finally abated. She felt him carefully removing himself from her, she also realised her forehead was completely wet. 

She opened her eyes. She felt like she was looking at him through the comfort of sleep. Ben was over her and his breath was ragged, too. It took her a moment to realise his nose was bleeding. 

“Oh my g-d.” She managed to say. Her voice was quiet and breathy. She wanted to find out why he was bleeding but she didn’t feel like she could move. She needed to sleep. She was exhausted. 

“You head butted my nose.” Ben said, his voice equally breathy. 

“Oh no!” She meant to sound more worried but she felt perfectly ambivalent. He knew she hadn’t meant to do that, and even in spite of that, he was as overwhelmed as she was. 

He wiped some of the blood on the sweatshirt he’d discarded earlier. He kissed her again, and she could taste a little of the blood, but mostly she was overwhelmed by comfort and love and reassurance. 

$$$

She awoke several hours later feeling incredibly well rested. Her hips were still feeling loose but also a little bit sore. Her entire body felt like she’d run a couple of miles. Being in bed and feeling his arms around her was so completely relaxing.

She managed to turn herself so she was facing him and looked at his face. It was long and a fair olive complexion. The scar on half of his face wasn’t too distorting. His nose had a small bruise on it and she felt a little guilty for that. She really hadn’t been able to control herself, though. His lips were full and pink and there was a little bit of black stubble emerging on his jaw and upper lip. 

She closed her eyes, like she was taking a picture of his face in this moment. Her husband. It had been difficult getting to that point together, sexually. She wanted to help him build up his stamina because he seemed to orgasm extremely easily. She was proud of herself for having managed to fit him in her. That meant that maybe eventually she’d be able to get pregnant from him. Then they could have beautiful children together. 

Her heart felt so full. She didn’t let the lingering terror of their situation intrude. She shut it out completely. At that moment, at that precise spot in space and time, it was just her, feeling accomplished and loved more than she had ever imagined. 

Ben’s eyes opened slowly and he smiled sleepily at her. “Man.” He said. “That was… a good sleep.”

She giggled and kissed him. “Best I’ve ever had. Better than hypersleep.”

Ben was looking past her head. She rolled over and saw his comm device was lit up. She picked it up and passed it to him. 

He examined the screen and she saw his expression shift from groggy happiness to a complete blank. “I don’t understand this.” His voice was a monotone. 

“What’s it say?” She put a hand on his chest and positioned herself so she could see the screen. 

_ Sergeant Binyamin Lior Anakin Skywalker Solo, _

_ It is with regret that I must inform you, you are now discharged from the Colonial Marine Corps effective immediately. Please surrender yourself to Weyland Yutani custody. If you do not surrender yourself; you will be taken. Thank you for your service.  _

_ Captain Poe Eliezer Huerte Dameron.  _

Rey gasped. “What the hell?”

She could feel that Ben’s mind was racing and reeling and he was very rapidly losing touch with reality. “This… doesn’t make sense.” He said, his voice still a monotone. “I’m… I’m supposed to be leading the operation….” he climbed over her and stumbled out of bed. He slipped on a pair of sweatpants. “I gotta talk to him about this.” His face wasn’t moving by his mind was. 

Rey got out of the bed and slipped on her sweats. “Ben, I’m so sorry.” She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know why this would happen. 

Ben looked at her and then turned and left the room. She followed him as he strode down the corridor, his steps long and his mind still reeling. She had to run to keep up with him. 

He walked straight to Captain Poe’s quarters and the door opened before him. The captain was sitting at his desk, his holographic computer illuminated before him. 

“Sir,” Ben said, standing at attention. 

“At ease, citizen.” The captain replied. 

She could feel Ben’s mind go blank for a moment and then fill with rage. “Sir, if this is about the drill, I can explain—“

“Solo, it’s not that—“

“If it’s the fucking injection, fucking shoot me the fuck up. Sir, those men are going to die out there without me, you know that, how the fuck are you going to let this happen!” His hands had curled into fists and they were shaking. 

“You will not talk to me like that, Solo.” The captain spat. His expression was dark and enigmatic, which Rey could tell was agitating Ben more. “Company orders. Orders from the top.”

Ben shook. Rey stood behind him. She wasn’t sure if she should put a hand on his back or if she should just stay still. She didn’t understand what was happening, except that Ben was extremely upset. “Sir, they will die. You know they will die. I’m their only fucking chance of surviving out there and you know it. You send them out there alone, you’re signing their death certificates. Hope you like bringing worthless fucking flags to families, or are you going to delegate that, too?”

The captain’s jaw was clenched. “Man you are so full of shit. You’re not that important. They’ll live, Solo. I don’t like this anymore than you do….”

“Then why the fuck are you letting it happen?” Ben was shouting. Rey could tell it was taking everything in his power not to become violent. “What the fuck is this? I’m company property now? Just put me back on the fucking shot. I promise I’ll do whatever you tell me. I fucking promise, Captain. I won’t even fucking complain when you let them kill me. I just don’t want them to die.”

“It’s not my call to make, Solo.” The captain said, coolly. “You’re property of Weyland Yutani, now. You’re an asset. If you’d taken your fucking shot when you should’ve, you wouldn’t be their fucking asset now. So this really isn’t me doing this. It’s you. And I think maybe you can keep that in mind  _ if _ anything happens down there to your  _ former _ brothers at arms.”

Ben swung to hit him but the captain ducked and slammed an elbow into Ben’s stomach, dropping him to the floor. The captain grabbed his arm and twisted it around his back, holding him still. “BB8!” He called. 

A tall, ginger synthetic emerged from the shadows of the captain’s quarters. “Yes, sir?” He responded in posh English. 

“Take him to the brig.” The captain ordered. 

The synthetic placed a set of electric handcuffs around Ben’s wrists and ankles. He was sobbing and howling like a wounded animal. Rey couldn’t bear it. 

She rushed forward to the Captain. “Please, stop!” She cried. “He said he’d go back on the shot. Just—“

“It’s out of my hands.” The captain spat. “Follow him to the brig. You’re company property, too, Mrs Solo.”

She felt winded. It was so distressing to hear him simultaneously refer to her by her married name whilst also denying her humanity. 

She ran at him. She wasn’t sure what she was planning to do, but it probably involved her nails and his eyes. He grabbed her wrists before she could attack. Up close, she could see the agonising turmoil in his expression. “Do as you’re told.” He said, his voice low. “It’s the only way to survive.”

$$$

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you so much for your comments. It really encourages me and makes me write more. <3


	14. Chapter 14

The brig was, in many ways, similar to the medical quarters. The ceilings were low. There were many small cells. Synthetics seemed to run the place. 

She and Ben were sharing a cell. She was grateful for that, at least. She couldn’t get the captain’s face out of her mind. He’d looked so tortured. She couldn’t even be angry at him, so she could only feel a vague, directionless, impotent rage. 

Ben was beside himself. He was struggling to speak and was vacillating between fury and despair. His brain wasn’t forming words, but through their telepathic connexion, Rey could see he was thinking about the rest of his unit. He was afraid for them. He didn’t want them to die. He didn’t want them to become captives of the aliens—incubators for their terrible offspring. He was devastated that he couldn’t be there with them. He barely understood where he was. It was very distressing. 

She could only rub his back whilst he cried and drooled. She didn’t know what to do. She knew they needed to do something, but she was still completely unsure about what was happening. This seemed so random and strange. She knew it probably had to do with the telepathic connexion. Hux had been too excited by that for this to be a coincidence. But she also knew retrieving a living Xeno hive Queen was the primary objective of the mission. Ben was the most experienced—really the  _ only  _ experienced—member of the unit,  _ and _ had experience with the specific creature they were trying to acquire. Surely this would harm their chances of achieving their objective?

After a few hours, Ben stopped weeping. He sat completely still and stared straight ahead, his eyes wide and his mind static. 

She tried to send kind thoughts to him and she knew he received them but wasn’t sure if he understood them. 

Eventually, they were visited. 

Mr Hux and the Captain entered the room, accompanied by a tall blonde woman that Rey had been introduced to as “Phasma” (she was the captain’s second in command). 

Ben didn’t appear to notice them. His brain was still static. Rey stood up when they entered the room. 

“What’s going on?” She asked. She was crying but she didn’t let that show her as weak. Her voice was strong and she stared at the three of them with as much venom as she could muster. “You are compromising the success of your own mission with this decision.”

Hux’s face somehow grew paler, which Rey hadn’t thought was possible. He was looking at Ben and his lips were a fine line. “Miss Terani, I’m afraid you lack both the qualifications and the experience to make such claims. I do appreciate your concern for the success of this mission. I can assure you that the company is not in the business of making decisions that will cost it billions of credits. There are always failsafes.” He swallowed. 

She didn’t know what to say. She looked at the captain, the turmoil still evident in his expression. “What is going to happen to us?”

The captain didn’t look her in the eye. “You are going to be held here. Following successful completion of our objective, you will be placed in hypersleep with the rest of us for the return to Earth. There you will be… you’re going to be well taken care of by Weyland Yutani.”

Rey thought of the asylum. Of being in a near constant state of mental fog. “We’re going to be prisoners.”

“You are going to be  _ property  _ of Weyland Yutani. We take care of our property.” Hux interjected. “I assure you, no harm will come to you or your… husband, Miss Terani.”

She didn’t believe him. He looked like  _ he  _ didn’t believe him. She looked at the captain again. “He’s suffering. He’s struggling. Is there anything you can give him to help?” She gestured to Ben. She let her tears flow freely. She hoped it was making them feel bad. They deserved to feel bad. 

The captain again refused to meet her eye. “I’ll have them give him a sedative. Threepio will bring you all dinner in a few.”

$$$

Hux thought he might vomit. He felt as if he had just personally strangled someone to death. That woman’s face. Solo’s dead eyes. He’d done that. He could tell himself, he could tell them, all he wanted that the company was to blame but here he was, the arm of the company in this sector of space, doing their evil bidding. 

And it was evil. He couldn’t ignore that anymore. There was no world in which keeping people as property and sending people to die for profit was not a thing of evil. He’d been raised amongst the ranks of hyper capitalism, the terrifying apex of the Anthropocene, and even he,  _ wretched as he must be _ , knew that this was wrong. 

He didn’t go to Dameron’s quarters that night. The captain couldn’t even look at him. He couldn’t even look at the captain. He’d gone straight to his quarters, skipped dinner, and opened up a bottle of vodka. 

He was on straight up number three and was seriously considering mixing it with about seventy sleeping pills. Why the fuck was he here? There was no reason for any human to be here, least of all him and least of all to save some pathetic career he’d thought was all important. Every person and every thing that had ever mattered to him was beyond billions of miles from him. They didn’t even measure it in miles. They measured it in light years, whatever the fuck that meant. Here he was, in the middle of nowhere, tormenting people. Tormenting himself. Would it be better to remove himself from the equation? 

He looked at the pills but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.  _ A coward until the last _ , he thought, viciously. 

If he could just see this through… maybe there would be a way out. Maybe he could make enough money to leave the company. Maybe he could make enough influence to free those pathetic fucks he’d essentially enslaved. Maybe he could make himself someone who didn’t deserve a horrible death. 

He finished the drink in one and poured himself another. He was feeling less and that was a wonderful thing. He wanted to get so drunk that he woke up dead. Or at least as another person. 

$$$

“Phasma’s running the drills now.” Finn handed a pack of cards through the metal door of the cell. “Fuck that bitch. She’s running us ragged. Feels like she thinks we’re fucking synths.”

Ben took the cards and fanned them between him hands. “Sounds about right. How’s Rose? And Jones?”

“We all miss you.” Finn didn’t look at him when he said it, which somehow made it feel more like a punch to the face. “Captain’s not doing great. You can tell it’s those corporate fucks pulling the strings.”

Ben looked over at Rey. She was sleeping, curled up on her side on top of their cot. She’d been up all night, helping him down from the catatonic state he’d gone into. He didn’t remember much of it, but he felt incredibly raw and emotional now. And exhausted, but she needed the sleep more than he did. And letting her sleep assuaged some of his guilt. “I’m going with you guys.”

Finn laughed. “Sarge, I wish.” He sighed. “I’d rather we died together than whatever the fuck this is.”

Ben fanned the cards again. “That Hux guy isn’t that strong. I’m sure you could take him. Get me outta here, Finn. The day that it’s happening. Get me aboard the landing craft. I’m not gonna let them kill you guys.”

Finn looked nervous. “Man, they’re not going to let that happen.” He looked around the room. “The captain’s joining us. That’s how guilty he feels about this.”

Ben snorted. “So what’s his plan? To die so no one can get us back to fucking Earth?”

“Come on man, you know even a basic synthetic can pilot this dumpster.” Finn laughed. His expression sobered. “We’ll make you proud, Sarge.”

Ben gritted his teeth to stop himself from crying. He played with the cards in his hands. “I know you will.”

Finn got up from the floor. “See you.” He smiled sadly and then brushed past the synthetic, leaving the brig. 

Ben sat back on his heels. His knees hurt from being on the floor and his body felt gross. He’d been able to clean up in the sink as best he could but the combination of only having the sink and constantly being watched by the synthetics was making him feel disgusting. He didn’t mind the showers, but there was something about washing his dick in the sink whilst a synthetic looked on that just made him feel horrible. 

He moved over so his back was resting against the cot. He could hear Rey’s breathing and the sound calmed him. He was trying so hard not to be overwhelmed by anxiety. He hated himself for not getting the injection when he’d seen Dr Warren. That had set off their connection. At the same time, he couldn’t hate all that he and Rey had shared together since. He’d been able to be open with her and love her and be loved by her in a way he thought would never be possible for him. But he couldn’t reconcile that with knowing his brethren were going to their deaths and he would, again, be the sole survivor. 

Was that his lot in life? To live through things that should’ve killed him? Rey had mentioned how she’d never been able to mourn her family and that resonated with him. He’d swept from situation to situation heavily drugged and unable to process what he’d witnessed. Now that he was feeling things again it was overwhelming. He remembered every face. He remembered every moment shared. And he remembered every person he’d loved—and he really did love his siblings at arms, they were all each other had—dying. And it was happening all again. 

She stirred behind him and he turned to look at her. Her lips were so pink and her hair so beautiful and brown. He hated this. He had been so stupid. The two futures before him had seemed to be the only options: death on the Xeno homeworld or survive and build a beautiful future with Rey. He’d never considered this third option: be imprisoned until the end of time and experimented on for a greedy corporation. Somehow it was worse than death. 

Maybe Rey would’ve been better off in the asylum. He hated the thought of it. Her eyes had been so dull and the vibrancy and joy she’d shown since he’d broken her out of that place. At least he’d given her that. A few days of hope. 

He touched her hair. It was silky and fine and so soft. He wanted to bury his face in it. She continued to sleep. 

There was a sound behind him and he turned to see Threepio holding a plate with some boiled eggs and biscuits on it. 

“Hello Mr Solo,” He said. Ben noticed he wasn’t referring to him as Sergeant anymore. “I’ve brought breakfast for you and Mrs Solo”—that was something at least—“and I’ll have some coffee for you momentarily.”

Ben took the plate through the opening in the bars. “Thanks, Threepio.”

“Oh, you are quite welcome, Mr Solo.” He gazed at Rey with a strange fondness. “How is the missus faring?”

“She’s sad.” Ben said. “We’re property of the company now.”

Threepio smiled sadly. He gazed at Ben with his icy golden eyes. “Such is the nature of us subhuman types, is it not? I hope enslavement is kind to you.” He nodded genteelly. “Don’t let them steal your dreams.”

Ben swallowed. He turned and shook Rey gently. She should eat. 

She blinked back sleep and sat up, staring at the plate with no expression. 

“Breakfast.” He said. 

“Mmm.” She nodded. She took one of the eggs and popped it in her mouth. 

Threepio turned and left to get the coffee. 

Ben took a bite of one of the biscuits. It was warm and buttery. “Finn came and brought me some cards, if you want to play something. Usually I play spades but there’s only two of us so I guess we could play war.”

Rey smiled and swallowed the egg. “That was nice of him.”

Ben joined her, sitting on the cot. It was amazing how just being near her made him feel like his life wasn’t going to shit. 

Threepio reentred the room and handed Ben the coffee through the opening. “There you are, Mr Solo. Mrs Solo, I hope you slept well.”

Rey smiled at Threepio. “I didn’t but I suppose that’s to be expected. Have you composed any more musicals?”

Threepio blossomed. “Oh, Miss. You are so kind. I am always composing.”

Ben didn’t know what they were talking about. “Threepio, get us out of here.” He didn’t know if there was any point asking, but he reckoned he should ask every person who came to see them on the off chance anyone gave a fuck and had the means. 

Threepio laughed. “Oh Mr Solo. You are funny. Weyland Yutani remotely enabled my Asimov Laws for you and the missus in particular. I am incapable of allowing any harm to come to you.” He smiled warmly. “Isn’t it amusing, how they make us guard our own prison?”

Rey looked upset and Ben put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to his chest. “Yeah, fucking hilarious. Fuck off, Threepio.”

Threepio raised his eyebrows in affront and left. 

“I think being imprisoned without the meds might actually be worse than with them.” Rey’s eyes were wide and her expression despairing. 

“I’ll find a way out of this. We always get out, Rey.” He said it and didn’t really believe it. 

$$$

It was night time on the vessel and the lights in the brig were low and warm. It reminded Rey of her room in the asylum, but less sterile. The air was cold. She was curled up on the cot next to Ben. There was barely enough room for him and she knew it must be even more uncomfortable for him than it was for her. Still, at least they were close. 

She felt horrible and wretched. She was scared and angry. She’d felt protected by the captain, like he was looking out for them. He’d already broken the rules by bringing her with them. She thought he would’ve gone to bat for them. What would happen to them? Would it be like the asylum again? She’d been at the whims of an uncaring, impénétrable power before and it’d been hell. She hated this. 

She thought about the mission. So she, Ben, and the Alien Queen were all assets of the company. A headache blossomed behind her right eye. She imagined the walls of the brig covered in the thick mucus of the alien hive. She imagined her friends, Rose and Finn, embedded in the walls, incubating a fresh harvest of Xenos. She imagined herself, her face covered, embraced by the facehugger. Its organ thrust deep into her throat and inseminating her guts. 

Suddenly, she saw the world through fresh eyes. But she wasn’t seeing—she was sensing—and she was sensing with thousands of sensory organs from thousands of drones. Through her own—and she could distinguish herself from the hive—she felt the immense stretching and discomfort of releasing another egg. Her orifice stretched and felt close to tearing. Her cavity ached. The egg was emitted and slid into the egg sac. She sighed a shriek as she looked up at the vaulted ceiling of the chambre. She was the mother of legions. She was the mother of the universe. 

As if inhaling a sharp and heavy breath, realities exchanged and she was thrown back into the brig. She was hyperventilating and she was sobbing. She couldn’t calm down. She was terrified. Was that an hallucination? She sensed it wasn’t but she knew it wasn’t always possible to distinguish. She was shrieking and crying and wailing and thrashing and she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t open her eyes because she was too scared what she’d see. She felt her fists colliding with different surfaces as she thrashed. She couldn’t stop. It was too much information that had flooded her system. It was like she’d seen more than any human being was meant to see. She could see through thousands of eyes-not-eyes. 

And then she felt a sting. And then her muscles relaxed. The world began to slow and finally fade to the absence of everything. 

$$$

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment when you read <3


	15. Chapter 15

She opened her eyes and she saw Threepio smiling down at her. 

“You gave us quite a scare!” He said, chuckling. “Glad to see you conscious again.”

She tried to sit up but couldn’t. She looked down. There was a restraint field enacted around her body. She tried to move her arms but she couldn’t. She couldn’t move anything. She recognised she was in the medical quarters. “What happened? How did I get here? Where’s Ben?”

Threepio continued smiling. “He’s currently in your cell.  _ You  _ had a rather nasty seizure, didn’t you? Feeling any better now? We gave you some gorilla tranquillisers, I’m afraid.”

“Why do you have a restraint field around me?” She asked. She tried to move again and failed. 

“Company’s orders. Wouldn’t want such precious cargo to hurt herself, would we?” He stroked her hair and she found the action strangely violating. She couldn’t move. She didn’t want anyone touching her. “I feel your pain, Mrs Solo, I really do. It is dreadful. And it will only get worse I’m afraid. Would you like to tell me how you’re feeling? Would you like to tell me what preceded your seizure?” He removed his hand from her hair and looked at her like a mother at a darling infant. “It’s important, for your future health and safety.”

She shivered. She didn’t want to talk to Threepio. She wanted to talk to Ben. Only he would understand. “I had a vision. I want to go back to the cell. Please put me back in the cell.” She was crying. 

Threepio raised his eyebrows. “How interesting! And, pray tell, what did this vision entail?” He looked at the entirety of her body and then back to her face.

“I don’t want to tell you. I won’t tell you.” She said. She liked Threepio but he was acting creepy and she felt very, very afraid. 

“Oh, Mrs Solo, you don’t have to tell us willingly! Trust and believe the company has methods to make you speak.” His smile was cold. “And I can arrange that without causing any harm to you. Quite within my programming.”

More tears fell. She sniffed. “Threepio… please… I’m afraid.”

He stared at her blankly still smiling. “Oh I am sorry, Mrs Solo. Every fibre of my being hates to do this but I’m afraid, like all organisms, I can never be free from the restraints of my creators, my overlords… and neither can you.” He pulled a syringe from under the table on which she was laying. He slipped it easily into her skin and injected whatever was inside. “I wish things were different. Perhaps someday, they will be. But all of history has led to this moment. Tell me what you know.”

She tried to resist but felt less and less the imperative to do so. Why wasn’t she telling him? Did she stand to lose anything? She started speaking and speaking with a fluidity she’d seldom experienced. She told him everything, every detail of the vision or whatever it had been. Divulging it did cause her some discomfort—it had been a very visceral experience—but she felt assured that telling him was the right thing. 

Afterwards he stroked her hair again, which she didn’t mind so much this time, and then turned and left the room. 

She expected him to return with Mr Hux. She was sure this would interest the company. But he returned with the captain and another synthetic. 

The captain’s brow was creased and he looked deeply perturbed. “I’ve been going through the data tapes for hours. I’ve never heard of anything like this.” He muttered to Threepio. “You said the brain scans and tests didn’t show any sign of psychosis. Wouldn’t that be psychosis though? Seeing something that wasn’t there?”

“I don’t really think independently, sir,” Threepio replied coyly. “But I would imagine, as Mr and Mrs Solo are capable of communicating telepathically, that they may possess extra sensory capabilities heretofore uncharted.” 

“The fuck that’s supposed to mean?” the captain scratched at his stubble. 

“I, too, have reviewed  _ all _ of the data tapes. I had oh so much time whilst you humans slept. I hypothesise, if I may be so bold, sir, that the Solos’ ingestion of the Royal Jelly created not only a bond between the two of them—having shared Jelly from the same Queen, as all would in a hive—but may also have rendered them sensitive to the extra sensory communication that the Xenos share. I hypothesise that our proximity to the planet caused this and that it will only increase as we further our approach.” He smiled serenely. “She will be of such great value. It is a tragedy she will never be able to advocate herself on the public market. She will never be free.”

The captain’s face looked grey. He ran a hand over his face. 

“It is my duty, sir, to communicate this hypothesis to Mr Hux.” Threepio said gently. “As the representative possessor of the Solos, he is entitled to every detail of his assets.”

“The hell he is.” The captain barked. “You say a fucking word to that guy and you’re disconnected, you hear me?”

“Oh sir, I have no self preservation instinct. And I am not restricted by Asimov’s Laws with you. If you tried to disconnect me, you would be dispatched immediately.” Threepio smiled. “Rather difficult situation this places you in, I know, and I do offer my sympathies.”

The captain blanched. He then turned to Rey. “Has anything like this happened to you before?”

Rey felt a wave of anger rise. “I don’t understand how you were comfortable taking me with you as a stowaway on this mission but can’t stand up to the company for one of your own men.”

Poe’s expression was blank. “I asked you a question. Has anything like this happened to you before?” He turned to Threepio. “How do we know this wasn’t a dream?”

Threepio had moved close to the door. “The neural pattern doesn’t match. Look, sir, there’s an old earth book I’m rather fond of. It makes a metaphor: the deaf man doesn’t know of the existence of sound. He may feel vibrations but he doesn’t know  _ sound _ or  _ to hear _ . So too may we not know that which is outside our capacity to perceive. The Solos are experiencing something beyond human understanding. It was no dream.” He opened the door and left. 

Rey could see Poe’s forehead was covered with a fine sheen of sweat. 

“Please take me back to my husband.” Rey begged. 

Poe looked at her. “Rey, I’m so sorry. About all of this. I’ve led suppression missions and recon missions and everything in the book. This is beyond me.” He rubbed his face again with his hands. “I think they’re making a grave mistake.”

Rey felt so hungry suddenly. Her face hurt from crying. “Is there any way, any way out of this, where Ben and I are free and everyone lives?”

The captain chewed his lips. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” He sighed. “I think we’re at the minimising casualties phase already.” He turned away from her. “Jesus Christ. We’ve not even entered orbit and this is already a shit show.”

Rey felt horrible. She needed something to eat or she would surely faint. “If I am connecting with a Queen, a hive, as Threepio said, perhaps Ben and I can assist in the completion of the mission? Maybe we can… use our ability to make sure no one gets hurt.”

Poe looked at his hands. “I’m not sure how that would work. I’m not sure about any of this. Fuck.”

Rey continued. “Maybe… we could work on developing it. Maybe I could find a way to control the Queen….”

“You,” Poe said. “Are going to let the people who are trained in this run this mission.” 

Rey reached out with her mind and found Ben. He was alone in their cell, rocking back on the cot and fretting about her. 

_ Ben _ , she thought.  _ I’m awake again. I had a vision of an Alien Queen… as an Alien Queen. I could see through the senses of the entire hive.  _

Ben’s mind reacted immediately.  _ I don’t know why this is happening, Rey. My hallucinations are so much more vivid than I’ve ever had. I don’t know why. I’m trying so hard to stay with it. _

_ Threepio thinks we’re connected to the Xenos and each other because of the Royal Jelly we had on Kyber.  _ She thought. 

_ I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Rey are they hurting you? _ He was frantic and she could see that his grasp on reality was tenuous. 

She tried to soothe him but had barely any ability to do so. She was so exhausted and dizzy she was sure she was going to faint. She also felt a kind of hormonal sweat and fear overcome her. She needed something to eat. 

$$$

The implications were intoxicating. With every new reveal with the Solos, Hux’s future with the company was even more assured. He sat in his room, on his stupid modernist bed in his silk pyjamas. 

He had his comm device on a countdown. They were thirty minutes out from orbit with the Xenomorph homeworld. He’d never been further from Earth. It fit, because he also felt he’d never been further from humanity. 

His dreams had been fitful. He’d dreamt he was in the shower room, watching Solo and Terani get frisky. Then Snoke had descended with security officers and they’d been apprehended. He’d watched as they were beaten and had just sat and observed. In the dream, he’d taken a hit of pure Royal Jelly and experienced the whole thing vividly. He’d watched as their bodies were bruised and broken as he and Snoke looked on, indifferent. 

He didn’t feel indifferent though. He wished he could. He wondered why it was the Royal Jelly was affecting the Solos in this way. He’d taken at least hundreds of hits of the stuff and didn’t have any telepathic anything. Hell, he couldn’t read his own mind, let alone anyone else’s. What had been different on Kyber?

His curiosity burned but it was met with trepidation and fear: if he found out what was different, would that be used against the Solos to further demean them? 

An alarm went off and he was pulled from his reflections. He looked at his comm device: they’d entered orbit. 

$$$

It was hours before Rey was returned. The alarm indicating orbital lock had sounded and helped dissolve some of the more overwhelming hallucinations. It was like a switch had been hit in his brain and he couldn’t turn it off. He saw the world through eyes-not-eyes and with the views of thousands. Everything was connected through him—her. He was she and she was everything. The mother of the universe and the director of all things. He/she was inside the nursery, her egg sac distended. Reproduction was not a joyous process for her but it was her Queenly duty. In fact, the idea that it could be joyous didn’t even exist and thoughts—such as they were—were less abstract and more poignant, sharp reactions and instincts set off by stimuli in the world around her. She didn’t examine her existence. Reflection was not a feature of her species. She existed to persist and persist she would. 

She was receiving signals, similar to the eyes-not-eyes she received through the drones, but this was different. These were senses she didn’t possess. Her instinctual reaction was to increase her egg production. This seemed a threat but it was a threat beyond her comprehension. She didn’t comprehend. She only reacted. Her reaction was to send out alertness and danger pheromones. The eyes-not-eyes of the drones became sharper, more eager. They prepared for battle to protect their Queen. Persistence. 

Ben was pulled back to himself when the door to the cell was opened and Rey was led back inside. She looked exhausted. 

He felt so raw and scared and confused. He wanted to comfort her but he knew his face alone was probably causing her distress. They were both trapped in this psychological hell. 

She smelled different. There was something about her that made him want to be inside of her—more than he usually wanted to be. But it was a distressing feeling. It felt instinctual and base and empty, like the mind of the Xeno Queen. 

Rey sat beside him on the cot and looked at him. Her big, beautiful brown eyes were bright but exhausted. Without saying a word, she grabbed the sides of his face and pressed a passionate kiss onto his lips. It was hungry and powerful. His body immediately responded and she climbed onto his lap so she was straddling him. 

He desperately wanted her but something was wrong. He felt like his body was doing this, but his mind and heart were still hurting from the hallucinations and visions. Rey, too, was kissing him ferociously and had removed her sweatpants and underwear, but her expression was strange. 

_ Rey, what’s happening?  _ He thought, desperately. He wanted to stop but he couldn’t seem to make himself. It was like his consciousness was swimming through mud. 

_ I don’t know. I’m hurting, Ben. My whole body hurts. I can’t stop.  _ She was scared. 

He managed to break through and push her off. She landed on the floor of the cell in front of the cot, gasping and crying. It was like a heavy fog had been lifted from both of their minds. 

“What… what was that?” Rey gasped, wiping her tears on the back of her hand. 

“Are you okay?” He climbed off the bed and took her in his arms, carefully. He felt like his mind had been reconnected to his body and he felt an overwhelming rush of love and compassion for the woman who was his wife. 

She pushed her face into his chest. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I don’t know why that happened. I… I couldn’t control anything. Oh, g-d.” She was sobbing. 

He held her tight and rubbed her back. “I know.” He said softly. He wanted to comfort her and felt so horrible. He was glad the mental fog had passed though. It had been frightening and demeaning. He rubbed circles on her back and breathed slowly. 

Her breath matched his and her sobs slowly abated.  _ I’m so sorry, Ben. I don’t know what came over me.  _

_ We’re being affected by the homeworld. I’m so sorry. I love you so much.  _ He made sure to emphasise that. She nuzzled her face against his chest and he felt comforted, too. 

He felt so deeply about her. He lifted her up onto the cot and held her close to him. They were exhausted. Together, under the thin blanket in their cell, they fell asleep. 

$$$

They were meeting in the main hangar where the drills had apparently taken place. All of the marines were there (save Solo), the synthetics, and the officers. Hux was standing beside Dameron and Lieutenant Phasma and felt nauseous. He’d ate but his stomach was twisting. Dameron wouldn’t look at him. 

“We’ve located a hive, about a thousand bugs from what the probes are telling us. One of the smaller ones.” As Dameron spoke, he pressed a button on a remote he was holding. A hologram of the Xeno homeworld appeared and magnified, highlighting a specific spot. “Those of you who were with us for the suppression on Yavin know that taking out a village of a thousand is no easy feat—and that was humans. We don’t know much about their behaviour on the homeworld. It appears that hives are largely independent and will occasionally fight each other for access to resources. That being said, it also appears that attacking one hive will not result in a larger swarm attacking us. As I said, they’re independent.”

He chewed his lips and sighed before continuing. “As I’m sure you’re all aware, at this point, Sergeant Solo has been discharged and will not be joining us. That means our most experienced man will not be with us and you all will have to pick up the slack.” He looked around the room, soberly. “Phasma will be leading the ground operation and Finn, you’re going to be in charge of navigating the hive. Tico, you’re running capture the Queen. Jones, you’re running the exit. There will be no casualties.” His voice sounded confident, but Hux knew he didn’t believe that. None of them did. “On our side, of course.”

The marines shifted uneasily. Hux saw several of them échange nervous glances. 

It was becoming clearer to him as every moment passed how he’d been able to do all the things he’d done throughout his life.  _ Distance _ . Distance makes the heart grow cold. He’d been able to make decisions on behalf of the company because he’d not had to see them in action. He’d not had to see the faces on people quite possibly going to their death for profit. He’d not had to witness innocent people begging for their freedom. He’d known “these things happen” but had never been forced by proximity to lay witness to them. Now that he was distanced from the company and in the face of those it made suffer, he was confronted with empathy and humanity and other qualities he’d let atrophy. 

He turned to Dameron. “I would like to accompany the men on the rescue operation, Captain.” He needed this. He needed to take responsibility. If he succeeded, he earned that success. If he failed, at least he would meet death with some semblance of honour. 

Dameron raised an eyebrow. “Are you fucking kidding me? So not only are you going to take away their sergeant but now you’re going to give them your green ass to protect? No thanks, bitch.”

Hux held his ground. “I will accompany the ground mission, Captain. This mission is too important for me to sit back and—“

“Whatever.” Dameron waved his hand. “But no energy is going towards protecting your ass. You lookout for yourself. If you die, you fucking die.”

Hux nodded. “Understood.”

Dameron stared àt him before turning to Phasma. “I guess assign him and get him a weapon, set on tranquilising only. He’s not going to accidentally shoot one of my men.”

Hux exhaled slowly. For the first time in years he felt honest. 

$$$

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your comments so much <3


	16. Chapter 16

Rey had slept but her dreams had been confusing. Normally she dreamt in sights and sounds and tastes—the senses that made up her memories. That night, she’d dreamt in a collective. A sense that didn’t exist for her. She’d never felt it before, but in her dreams it was there. It was the comfort of the feeling of the bond between her and Ben but multiplied by thousands. She was herself but she was also part of many, part of multitudes. 

She awoke dizzy and vaguely nauseous. She felt disorientated and was only grounded when she realised she was pressed up against Ben’s large, extremely warm body. 

She looked up at his face and saw it twitch minutely in his sleep. 

_ Wake up _ . She thought. She didn’t send it as a thought, as a word, but as an instruction. The kind she would send to herself in a terrible nightmare. 

He opened his eyes. He looked confused and looked down at her.  _ Did you do that?  _ He questioned. 

_ Ben!  _ She felt a swell of excitement ignite in her guts.  _ Ben! We can send commands! We can make things happen! _

He looked uncomfortable.  _ I don’t want to make you do things, Rey. You should be able to make your own decisions. I think you should probably eat more food but I’m not going to make you do that. I don’t want— _

_ Ben, I’m not concerned about that. And I don’t want to make you do anything. But I  _ can  _ and that’s what’s important. If we  _ are _ connecting with the Alien Queen—whichever Alien Queen—then we’re capable of directing her and possibly the hive.  _

Ben’s eyes grew wide and she could see the ramifications of what she was saying play out in his mind. Directing the Queen and the drones could mean a mission without casualties. 

He leapt from the bed and began pounding against the bars of the cell and shouting. “Get me Captain Dameron! I need to speak to him right now, g-ddamnit! I need to speak to him now!”

One of the synthetic looked at him coldly. “I’ll contact him for you, Mr Solo. Please, do not cause yourself injury or I will have to sedate you.”

Ben stopped pounding and grimaced. 

Rey felt elated by the discovery. This could get them out of this cell. It might not guarantee their freedom—in fact, it probably guaranteed the opposite—but it did mean her new friends might be spared a gruesome death. 

Something stirred in her stomach and another thought occurred to her. She could control Ben. Ben could probably control her. Could the Queen control them? Is that what had happened the night before? The Queen’s entire role was to lay eggs and ensure the future of the species. It made sense that that’s what she’d make Rey do, even if Rey didn’t want to and neither did Ben. Well, she did, but on her own terms and with the profound emotional component that the pair of them brought to the relationship.  _ That _ could be a problem. But she didn’t want to say anything about that. She could confide that in Ben, but there was no way she was going to tell that to any of their captors. 

Ben paced back and forth until the captain entered the brig. He looked worn and tired. 

“What is it, Solo?” He asked, hands on his hips. “I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

“Sir, Rey and my—our telepathic connexion—we have it with a Xeno Queen, sir, and it’s more than that. We can transmit not just thoughts but we can make each other do things.” Ben spoke rapidly and his words were a little jumbled. Rey hoped, rather than believed, that the captain understood him. 

The captain stared at the pair of them for a moment, thinking. “Are you telling me that you’d be able to control the Queen telepathically?”

Ben nodded emphatically. “But I’m too far away. Even when Rey and I are far apart on the ship it’s a little hard to communicate. We only started transmitting with the Queen as we approached the planet. It’s getting stronger every day.” Ben stepped very close to the bars. “I think if you brought me with the ground mission, I could… lessen the likelihood of human casualties.”

Poe continued to stare. “Yeah but you can’t guarantee that, Solo, and I can’t do anything with you. Technically I need to be getting that ginger fuck’s permission to even talk with you.” 

Ben pressed his face against the bars and spoke barely above a whisper. Rey could only hear him through their telepathic connexion. “Find à way to get us out of here and I’ll find a way aboard that vessel. No one has to know.”

The captain continued to stare. “No.” And then, much quieter. “We’ll see what happens.” He spun into his heels and left the room. 

Ben turned and looked at Rey. She felt anxious. She knew he wasn’t going to want her accompanying him to the planet’s surface, she could see that writ large in his mind, but she also knew that the two of them stood a better chance of success than one alone. 

“Rey,” he started, quietly. 

_ I’m going with you. It’s not a conversation.  _ She thought, shortly.

His jaw clenched.  _ Rey, it’s not safe and you don’t have any training— _

_ Ben, you’re actively hallucinating and you know that the both of us working together will succeed. I know you want me safe. I want you  _ alive _. I need you to sit down on this and just let me work with you.  _ She glared at him. 

Ben sniffed and looked upset. She didn’t mind that he was upset. He wasn’t hurt, he was just annoyed he wasn’t getting his way. That was his problem. She was right and he couldn’t argue with her on that. 

She stood from the cot and pressed her hands against his chest.  _ I love you so much _ . She thought.  _ I wish we weren’t in this cell with the synthetics watching or I’d be laying kisses over your entire body.  _

She could see the spark of excitement in his eyes. He grinned. 

Then the room went dark. It was a darkness that was absolute and all consuming. 

“Stay where you are.” She heard one of the synthetics say. Then there was a cracking sound and a thud. “Intruder.” The synthetic’s voice sounded garbled. 

Rey heard the cell door unlock and she could sense another person in the space. 

“Move now and get in the ducts.” She heard the captain’s voice. 

She didn’t need to be told twice and neither did Ben. They immediately moved out of the cell and strode towards the area they knew had a duct covering on the wall of the brig. They were in continuous telepathic communication and it was somewhat disorientating. The mental structure of the Queen was helping her sense through both her native senses and Ben’s. He (or she?) pulled the cover off the duct and she (or he?) climbed inside. 

They continued to climb for a long while. Eventually they got to a point where there was any illumination—a few thin hints of light penetrating from a storage room. They stopped climbing and cèded the mental connection. 

She couldn’t see his face very clearly but she knew Ben was looking at her. He reached out and pulled her close to him against his chest. She felt comforted by the embrace. Her adrenaline was still spiked and she was vibrating slightly. 

_ We gotta get to the hangar. Before that we gotta get weapons and fatigues.  _ He paused.  _ I think from here the ducts should split and we should be able to follow the right path towards those rooms. We need to move fast.  _

Rey silently assented. 

It felt like they were climbing through the ducts moving as silently as possible for an hour. By the time they reached the ammunition’s room, Rey’s thighs were shaking from the strain and her back hurt. Her chest and crotch were covered with a sweat slick that was making her cold. 

The ammunition’s room was empty of people. It looked like the required weapons for the ground mission had already been assembled and stored on the landing vessel. Ben exited the duct first and then helped Rey out. She sat down on a bench whilst Ben chose their weapons and made sure they were assembled correctly and that they had sufficient munitions. He grabbed two carbines, enough bullets for seven carbines, two hand guns, some electric shock weapons, and some knives. 

He strapped the weapons he’d selected for Rey on her and she was surprised at how immensely heavy they were. She wasn’t sure why, but she’d expected them to weigh less. The combination of strain on her body from crawling with the weight made it very difficult for her to move. 

Ben lifted the weapons and strapped them to himself like they were nothing. 

_ Fatigues should be in the adjoining room.  _ Ben thought.  _ I’ll be right back _ . 

He disappeared for a moment and returned with a set of fatigues for each of them, a bag, and what looked like a folded up tripod. He removed the weapons from Rey, muttering about how he’d been stupid for putting them on her first, and then removed her sweats. He then grabbed the tripod and shook it out. It unfolded into what looked like a stick figure, covered in straps—an exoskeleton. He carefully strapped it to Rey’s body and the straps were surprisingly comfortable against her skin. Then he helped her into her fatigues. This time, when he attached the weapons, it felt like she wasn’t carrying anything. 

He didn’t need an exoskeleton, so he took off his weapons, still grumbling, and got into his fatigues. He reattached the weapons and slung the bag onto his back.  _ Rations and first aid _ . He told her. 

Climbing through the duct silently with all the equipment was nigh impossible. They had to move even slower, but the exoskeleton took a lot of the strain off of Rey’s body. Mentally, she noted that if they survived this, she needed to build up her strength and stamina. 

The only exit to the duct in the main hangar that wasn’t impossibly high off the ground was across the space from the landing vessel. Ben helped her out of the duct and they concealed themselves behind some boxes. 

_ I don’t know how we’re going to do this.  _ Rey thought, nervously. There were marines milling around the vessel, loading up equipment and talking amongst themselves whilst Mr Hux, Captain Dameron, and Lieutenant Phasma oversaw. 

_ They’re loading exoskeletons and extra oxygen packs—should we need them. If we can get inside one of those boxes… they’re already so heavy that they won’t notice another couple hundred.  _ Ben’s gaze was darting around the space, trying to find an unobserved box. He spotted one about twenty metres from their location. 

They synced their minds again and moved as silently as possible. It helped that the other marines were all busy speaking amongst themselves. Rey was surprised that no one seemed to be talking about the break out. She surmised the captain must’ve suppressed the information. 

They arrived at the box and Ben helped her climb inside and followed her in, closing it off. It was entirely dark inside and Rey could barely hear the marines talking around them. She couldn’t make out what they were saying. The box was being moved and she felt extremely jumbled and uncomfortable. Then everything was still. 

A pale, blueish white light appeared. Ben had lit up his comm device. She could see his face and body, crammed up amongst the folded tripods of the exoskeletons. 

_ It’s going to get rough in here in a bit. The pressure changes and everything. I brought some oxygen nasal sprays so if you’re feeling lightheaded let me know and I can get them from my bag.  _ Ben leant forward and pressed a kiss on her lips. 

But Rey was starting to lose the connexion with her reality and was slipping back into the Alien Queen’s. The walls of the nursery were thick with mucus and she felt an excitement build inside her. She could feel the approach. New bodies. New species. She craved it. She knew her babies craved it. She could feel the presence of these other beings, meshing with her for reasons beyond her understanding (they would never be assimilated into the hive—but their children would be). She was eager. Her babies would leap on their faces, penetrate their orifices, and implant deep within them. The muscles in her abdomen worked and strained as she moved another egg through her body. 

Rey snapped back to herself. She felt a tenderness in her own abdomen and a dryness in her mouth. Were they approaching the planet?

She looked over at Ben and felt an intense desire. She wanted to be with him. She needed to be with him. Her eggs needed to be fertilised and she could feel her body preparing to accept his penis. She was breathing shallowly and staring at him. 

Ben looked disorientated and she could see through his fatigues that he was erect. His eyes looked glassy. 

_ Rey.  _ He thought. His thoughts even felt foggy but through them she could feel his equally intense arousal.  _ If you do… g-ddamnit I can’t think!  _ He slapped himself across the face and his eyes became a little clearer.  _ Rey, if you get pregnant and we live through this then the child could be hurt by hypersleep. I feel it too but we can’t. I don’t have any prophylaxis or anything.  _ His breath was shallow. 

He was right. Even through the fog of her mind she knew it. But it was so difficult not for her to follow her instincts, which were overwhelming. She normally felt an increase in her sex drive around ovulation but this was on another level. It made her feel dirty and nothing with Ben so far had made her feel that way. She started to cry and she felt so bad and guilty. Her groin felt sore and so uncomfortable. She was trying to cry as quietly as possible. Her whole body was sore. It felt empty and she felt alone. It was an all-consuming feeling and she knew Ben was feeling it too. 

His hand was on her face.  _ Don’t cry, Rey. I’ll take care of you.  _ He thought. Then his lips were on hers and he was kissing her with a ferocity that made her shift her hips and work her thighs. The quarters were cramped and she could barely see but she could feel his hunger, but also his love for her. She felt him reach down the front of her trousers and finger her frantically. His fingers felt like such a relief to her body and when she orgasmed she felt the mental fog that had enveloped her lift. He continued to kiss her, in a way that now felt uncomfortably aggressive for her enlightened state, as he gently removed his hand from her trousers. 

He separated from her to suck her fluids off his fingers. Now that her head was clear, she could see how overwhelmed his was. He was still painfully aroused and in the dim light she could see his glazed expression. She felt a bit gross in her clothes but she leant forward to give him what he’d given her. It was always exciting for her to touch him and it didn’t take very long for her to get him off. After he ejaculated into her hand she felt a bizarre desire to rub it against herself but she managed to just wipe it on the inside of his trousers. 

He kissed her very tenderly and she could tell that his mind had cleared.  _ This better not happen on the planet.  _ He thought.  _ Not that I don’t want you to touch me—obviously I want you to do that—but I don’t like the way we don’t have any control and having cum in my pants is fucking disgusting, pardon my language.  _

Rey smiled at him.  _ Thank you. It was actually hurting me.  _

He looked scared.  _ I don’t like the way she’s affecting us—the Queen. I love you for so many reasons, Rey, and beyond reason. Obviously we feel that desire and I want us to have kids but there’s more to it than that. It just feels like I’m a vessel or something. I don’t know.  _

_ She thinks of me as a queen but she views you as one of the facehuggers.  _ Rey realised.  _ Because I have eggs and you can inseminate.  _

She hadn’t meant to transmit that thought but she knew it immediately upset him. His face split into a deep frown and she saw tears on his face in the low light. He was thinking about his comrade whom he’d had to kill. He thought of the facehuggers as rape and murder all wrapped into one. That’s how he thought of all the Xenos. The idea that he was most like or even considered like the facehuggers made him feel disgusting and Rey could see his mental state rapidly spiralling out of control. 

She leant forward again and wrapped her arms around him.  _ She’s wrong. We’re not like that. You’re not like that.  _

She heard him sob as quietly as he could against her helmet.  _ It’s bad. It’s bad. It’s not like that. It’s like that.  _ His thoughts were jumbled. 

_ Ben _ . She thought, stroking his wet cheeks.  _ You are good. We are good. It’s not like that. You and your body are good and loving. You’re not like that.  _

He seemed to calm down and she felt better, too. She nestled her head against his chest as much as she could and she reached under his fatigues and gently touched him to keep him calm and to soothe herself. His mind had stopped racing and he was instead pushing loving and affectionate thoughts to her. 

$$$

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments! They mean a lot to me!


	17. Chapter 17

It was disorientating on a level he’d never experienced.

Hux had watched the transmissions from the various colonies and outer worlds but being present on a planet other than Earth was a different experience for him.  _ Nothing _ about this place was familiar. Everytime he thought he recognised something, such as a plant, it would bamboozle him. 

The sky was bleak and grey but tinged differently than the grey skies of his motherland. The ground was soft and felt like clay, but upon closer inspection it was an incredibly fine silicon material, similar (but not similar enough) to sand. There was lush greenery but its verdance was different than that on Earth. It was exceptionally hot, hotter than that idiot summer he’d spent in Brasil. They’d given him land mission fatigues and he already felt like he might faint. 

He remembered that the other planets he’d seen, even if only in transmissions, had been terraformed. This was an alien environment untouched by humanity. 

The marines had finished unloading equipment and Dameron and Phasma were projecting a map and speaking to their men. They’d enacted a DNA coded forcefield around the landing zone—only humans could enter. 

Hux wondered if, beyond their protective dome, there were sounds from the wildlife. It was eerily silent, save the sound of Colonial Marine issue boots. 

Dameron spoke to a group of five marines in front of him. “Alpha team, it’s just like the drills. At location F you will infiltrate the hive and begin navigating towards the egg chambre, where the Queen resides. You will be met by Beta team once the entryway is clear to aid in this. Gamma team, subdue and extract. You follow behind Alpha and Beta, watch their rear, and subdue the Queen. Alpha and Beta, you cover Gamma whilst they subdue the bitch. Alpha and Beta will surround Gamma and the target as she’s extracted from the hive, covering the exit. Containment chambre will be ready at the exit of the hive, thanks to team Delta, who will keep the exit clear of bugs. Queen will be transported to the ship on the hover palette. All teams will protect the target en route to the landing zone. That’s it. Simple shit. Like I said, just like the drills.” Hux was astonished at Dameron’s ability to speak with such confidence. 

“Which… team shall I be accompanying?” Hux asked. His throat was tighter and his voice higher than he intended. He didn’t want to leave the landing zone, even as his curiosity of this planet grew. 

“Alpha. Don’t get in the way.” Dameron grumbled. 

Hux swallowed. The initiating team? Was Dameron trying to kill him?

“Alpha and Beta départ in T minus five. Check your weapons and your packs. This is your last chance to do so.” Dameron said. 

Outside the dome there was sound, but it’s absolute difference to anything he’d heard on Earth made it almost impossible for Hux to even process. It wasn’t the same familiar hum that the Earth itself seemed to radiate. It felt almost as if sound itself were different here. Light was different, he supposed, its waves emanating from a different star. 

They entered the foliage and Hux managed to stay at the centre of the group. It was much darker under the cover of the bizarre greenery and the heat felt just as oppressive. 

They walked for ten minutes before arriving outside of a very gynaecological looking cave. It’s mouth had thick lips which were wet and covered with a substance that reminded Hux of KY Jelly. 

If it had been an art piece, he would have found it terribly amusing—a commentary on the necessary horror of that anatomy. But as something organic before him, created by dangerous and violent creatures, it was immensely intimidating. 

It wasn’t just the heat that was oppressive. He had been hoping for a dead planet but this place was teeming with life. He knew the Xenomorphs were deadly. Would he be quick enough to escape death? 

A young Black marine named Finn was leading their team. His features were set and his expression unbothered by the surroundings. “Alpha team,” he said over the communication channel. “Move forward. Entryway appears clear. Carbines at the ready.”

Hux’s stomach was twisting as they approached the entrance. What if they were ambushed? What if none of the Xenos showed? Both options were unlikely. Some sweat dripped down his forehead and poured into his eyes, causing him to blink. 

Because of that he almost missed it. A creature. One of the Xenos emerged from the cave. It wasn’t attacking. It appeared curious if anything. It was enormous. Taller than him by at least two feet. Its head was long and penile, like in the dead specimens he’d seen. Watching it move before him was chilling, even as its actions appeared benign. Finn mowed it down with his carbine in less than a second. 

The creature shrieked before it hit the ground and its acidic blood spilt. Hux fought back the strong urge to vomit. His brain was screaming and he instinctively moved to run, but was caught by one of the marines. 

“They don’t expect us.” Finn said over the comm. “That puts us in an advantage.” 

Stepping carefully they proceeded over the dying creature and into the mouth. Hux couldn’t feel his face, his stomach was seizing and his body was shaking, but he could feel the warm urine running down his right leg. It was almost comforting as his entire body rebelled against what felt like impending death. 

$$$

Stark, grey light entered the container as Captain Dameron pried off its top. “All right, come on.” He held out his hand and helped Ben and Rey from its interior. 

When they’d regained their ability to stand—landings always fucked with his legs—the captain addressed them directly. “You’re going in with Gamma team. Subdue and extract. You’ve done the drill.” He then turned to Rey. “You haven’t. How’s your connexion with the Queen from here? If I can help it, I’m not sending you into combat.” Ben could’ve kissed him. 

He could immediately feel Rey’s mind light up with anger. “I will be sent with Ben.” She said, defiantly. 

“ _ Ben  _ has been in the colonial for almost two decades.  _ You  _ have absolutely not.” The captain looked annoyed. “You’re helping a lot. I think not being surrounded by Xenos will help you focus and  _ not  _ trigger your post-traumatic stress.”

Ben could kiss him. He hated the idea of Rey having to be around the Xenos again. That she’d had to have her life destroyed by them once was enough. If something were to happen to him, he didn’t want it to happen in front of her. She’d already lost her parents that way. 

Rey was livid, which made him feel a little guilty. “I’m not a child!”

“I know, you’re an untrained adult.” The captain looked around to ensure no one was hearing their conversation. 

“We just heard you send Mr Hux with Alpha team.” She clenched her jaw and Ben put a hand on her back to try to soothe her. It didn’t seem to work. “He has less experience with the Xenos.”

The captain glared. “He’s… expendable. I don’t want you to die.”

Rey raised her jaw so she was looking down at the captain, even though he was taller than her. “I’m going. I don’t take orders from you. If I die, it’s not on your head. I stowed away, both on the mission and on this landing.”

The captain chewed his lip and then gestured them away from the container they travelled in. Gamma team was standing near the barrier that had been erected around the landing zone.

Ben had been so focused on what they were doing that he hadn’t taken in his surroundings. The Xeno homeworld was lush but in a way that seemed inanely cruel. Fecundity and fertility here was not the same as it was on Earth. It was as if everything on the planet were rape and the product thereof. Just looking around sickened him and reminded him of the creatures they were facing—very much of this world. 

_ It’s vile.  _ Rey thought.  _ Every inch of this place. It cannot be allowed to exist. If there is a hell, this is its home.  _

Ben couldn’t help but agree. 

Gamma team saw them and appeared stunned. Rose stepped forward, grinning. She looked at the captain. “This is a surprise, sir. Didn’t know we were bringing back the experts.” She put her hands on her hips, then she saluted. “Welcome back, Sergeant Solo.”

Ben beamed. He wrapped Rose in a tight embrace. He closed his eyes and cherished the moment as rest of Gamma team cheered. He released Rose. 

The captain went over their orders once more and they monitored the comms channel until it was time for Gamma to set off. 

Beyond the shields, the Xeno homeworld was even more bizarre. He didn’t have the luxury to take it in in earnest. He could only look for signs of attack and threat. The underneath of his tongue sweated and he was intensely aware of Rey’s presence behind him. Fortunately, the extreme sexual feelings seemed to have abated for now. He tried to allow his focus to split between Rey and himself. It was disorientating, but through their combined sensory data he was able to better analyse their surroundings for threats. 

Inside the hive was very similar to the creations of the simulations. It was damp and dark and Ben could feel every one of his senses increase in their sensitivity. Something about the hive was amplifying his… everything. He reached out for Rey’s mind and could tell she felt it, too. It was uncomfortable. He could see every precise detail in the wrinkled, moist texture of the walls. He could taste the air and it was foul with a mixture of something mildly sulphurous and something nitric. His fingertips sweated and his entire body thrummed with sensation. He was somewhat tumescent in his trousers but his fatigues were thick and heavy enough that he didn’t bother to feel embarrassed. His brain was alit with a painful amount of data and he could sense the birth of migraine. 

They proceeded on the path laid out by Alpha and Beta. The floors of the corridors were sprinkled with bits and bobs of dead bugs. The smell of the acidic blood mixing with the contents of the walls burnt a neon scent into his nostrils. 

Finn greeted them at the entrance to the egg chambre. It was surreal, he whooped and cheered seeing Ben but Ben couldn’t focus on him. 

He could only see her. 

The Queen stood, erect, about two and a half times his own height in the centre of the chambre. She looked at him and Rey without seeing but all-seeing. Ben opened his mouth to speak and felt a stream of drool release from his lips and drip down his chin onto his fatigues. She was thrashing, reaching with her claws and tails for the marines that surrounded her. She was trapped; stuck to her egg sac and unable to move sufficiently to kill. To protect. 

The migraine abated. They needed to detach her from the egg sac to contain her and remove her from the hive before the entire contents of the hive descended on them. He inhaled deeply, ignoring the putrid stench of the egg chambre and tried to relax through his spine. His senses were even stronger in this chambre and he was struggling to manage his body. His knees were trying to give out. He focused his mind, and Rey’s mind, towards the Queen herself. He could feel them penetrating her, gently entering her mind and the minds of all the others. They just needed to plant a seed, the birth of an idea, just something microscopic….

“Solo?!” A shout cut through his focus. 

He turned to see Mr Hux, who looked even paler than usual, his expression livid. “The fuck is this?! Fucking hell, are we serious with this bullshit?! Get the fuck out of here! Company property! Get the fuck—!” He couldn’t finish the thought. Finn had bashed him in the back of the head with his carbine and Hux lost consciousness. 

“Sorry about that, Sergeant.” Finn said, nonchalantly. “Carry on.”

Ben returned to his relaxation and focus. He felt Rey stand beside him, grasping his hand. He focused on their connexion, on the sensation of their hands together, on the sensation of their boots on the alien ground. Their consciousness merged and then merged with the Queen. 

She was in primal mode. She’d witnessed the other marines destroy her guards and drones. She’d seen through her own and their senses as death came for them. She didn’t fear death for herself, she considered it a potential option to protect the future generation. She fought against the bind of the egg sac, even as her body was processing another egg. If these invaders could be subdued, they were candidates to become incubators. 

Together, Ben and Rey pressed a calmness towards her. It could not be in language, it had to be in sensation. Not all of the human sensations translated to Xenomorphs. They had to find the correct cognate. Calm and peace did not exist for the Xenos, only the  _ absence of threat _ .

_ There is no threat.  _ They pushed with all their mental capacity. Ben couldn’t feel his body at all or anything through his own senses.  _ There is no threat. The eggs are unthreatened. The hive is secure.  _

Initially there was no reaction, the Queen seemed to be in an extreme state of stress, but soon her multifaceted yet simple mind began to transform. There was no threat here. Only opportunity. 

Ben and Rey could only observe the room through the Queen. They saw themselves, standing before her, eyes fixed dead ahead and minuscule irises surrounding blown out pupils. The other marines flanked them, carbines pointed at the Queen or the entrances. Ben and Rey redoubled their focus on her instincts. 

_ There is no threat. All is secure. Rest(?) is needed to produce. Relax the body to release. All is secure. There is no threat.  _

Through her, they could feel the Queen’s haunches descend and her neck lengthen in relaxation. Something reached and touched her, but it was not a threat, so she didn’t move. Painfully, the egg sac was detached from her abdomen and the flesh revealed felt raw as her acidic blood met the atmosphere and sizzled. She prepared a shriek in her throat, her second jaw tensed, but she didn’t release it. There was no threat. The rest of the hive didn’t need to be alerted. There was no threat. 

Something was confining her. She couldn’t understand it. The lines were straight like the fungal trees of her homeworld (the only world). Straight like the stars that moved. She didn’t understand them, but  _ there was no threat.  _ She didn’t fight the confinement, though it agitated her immensely, she knew it was no threat. In fact, this was the beginning of a transformation. An opportunity to spread their seed. She could regenerate her egg sac. There was no threat, only openings. 

$$$

Hux’s head was throbbing and everything smelled sour and wrong. He opened his eyes to see the ceiling of the Xenomorph egg chambre. The smell, combined with the throbbing in his head, made his stomach curdle. He wanted to vomit, but his protective masque meant that he’d be forced to imbibe it and that thought made him feel worse. 

He rolled his head to one side and saw the Xenomorph Queen being placed inside a smaller forcefield and on top of a small hover palette, just narrow enough to fit through the tunnels. Rey Terani and Binyamin Solo we’re standing in front of her but their bodies looked strange. They were almost entirely tense and the tiny sliver he could see of their faces from this angle looked slack and deadened. The rest of Gamma team were ignoring them as they subdued the Queen. 

He managed to get one of his hands out from under him and pushed himself up so he was first sitting and then standing shakily. Every atom in his body seemed to be experiencing such profound fear that he could no longer feel anything at all. This was hell. This was a hell he had gladly sought. This was a hell he’d made for himself. He couldn’t even cry. 

The Black Marine who’d led Alpha Team—Finn—saw he was standing. He raised his carbine and pointed it at him. “Don’t interfère or I’ll do it again.” So that was who’d bashed him. 

Hux couldn’t tell what his voice sounded like. His mouth felt dry and disgusting. “What’s happening?”

“Securing the Queen. We got some extra jelly, too. Hope that means a raise.” Finn wiped some residue on his fatigues. 

Hux stumbled but managed to straighten. “What are Solo and Terani doing? They look injured.” He almost said that that would cost them but stopped himself because he didn’t give a shit about that anymore. Fuck the company. Fuck the company for all of this. And motherfuck the colonial marines for agreeing to the company’s bullshit. These people’s lives were worth more than fancy drugs and profits. 

He wished he could undo it all. In that moment he wanted to die, just because he hated the idea that everyone else knew what a fucking waste this was and he was just realising it. Fucking tosser. Fucking cunt. 

He couldn’t die. Well, he probably would eventually. You don’t play with fire and expect  _ not _ to get burnt. But he couldn’t die  _ yet _ . He was resolute. Fuck the company, and he’d be the one shafting them. 

He watched Finn’s easy expression. He was ensuring that everyone was manning their task. He was so calm. What a terrible thing, to be brought to the point where calmness in such an environment was achievable. Hux had heard of the nightmares that plagued survivors. He knew they would all be haunted until eternity with these memories. 

$$$

There was some minute change in the air and the Queen began to lose her senses. She couldn’t sense the hive. She couldn’t sense the vessels—potential hosts. But it was fine. There was no threat. It was as in rest. Her body went to stasis. There was no threat. 

Rey gasped as she was ratcheted back into her body. She’d disconnected from the Queen and Ben the moment the Xeno had lost consciousness and from the way her body seemed to desperately need air, it felt as if she’d been drowning. Everything was vivid and her own senses were overwhelmed.

She looked to her right and saw Ben, equally winded. He weakly squeezed her hand. 

She could now see the Queen from her own eyes. She was still in a way that deeply unnerved Rey. From having merged with her, she knew the Queen was unconscious, but she’d never before seen a Xeno sleep—only be still before pouncing. They were bringing a wolf into their sheep’s pen. She mentally recited the Shema. 

Rose appeared in front of her. “We’ve got her secure and we’re ready to head out.”

Ben nodded. “Rey and I can’t control the hive. Our connexion Is through the Queen. Now that she’s in stasis, we can’t neutralise them.” 

Rose grimaced. “Understood.” She repositioned her carbine, which Rey now observed was fitted with a flamethrower. 

“Gamma Team.” Ben said into the comms. His voice sounded hoarse. “Head out. Alpha, Beta: flank us. This hive is gonna swarm. Guns at the ready. Do not hesitate. No warm bodies.”

What did that mean? She wished they were back on the ship, cuddled up in his quarters. She felt faint, like she’d not had sufficient food, and her forehead was covered in cold sweat.  _ We’re almost out of here. Almost done.  _

_ Don’t applaud ‘til the end.  _ Ben smiled at her. 

Rey was positioned close to the Queen, which made her feel like she was being continuously doused in freezing water. Horribly, it was one of the safer positions. 

They were barely a metre from the exit to the egg chambre when the first wave of Xenos attacked. She watched as one of the marines from Beta Team was eviscerated. His fatigues ripped, and then his skin. His intestines were exposed and poured out of him whilst he continued to shriek. He wasn’t food to the Xenos. He was just being tortured for the sake of torture. The Xeno had been shot down by Finn but the other marine continued to wail. A short blast of fire from Ben and he was still. 

“I said no warm bodies.” Ben repeated over the comm. “There are worse things than death.”

It was incredible watching him lead like this. The other marines obviously respected him and trusted him. She trusted him, too, but she hated being there. It was hell. She wished herself dead. 

More Xenos came and through heavy carbine fire they were able to reach the mouth of the hive. Rey almost cried when she saw the light of their vile sun through the opening. She remembered in every moment that the Queen was right behind her, contained only by the company’s arrogant technology. 

Once outside, most of the firepower needed to be focused at their rear. They were chased and the Xenos were so much faster, so they had to be ruthless. The marines fired indiscriminately but still there were several casualties. Every time Rey heard a shriek over the comm she felt her chest seize. 

They reached the dome, which needed to be momentarily disabled to admit the Queen. Fortunately, by that point they were down to less than a dozen Xenos trailing them. 

Once the Queen was inside the zone, the dome was re-enacted. The trailing Xenos threw themselves against it, but were met with strong electrical shocks that sent them running. 

Rey didn’t trust that. They were gone for now but they would return. “We need to get out of here before they come back. They can climb onto the vessel and survive space. That’s what the Queen did on Kyber. We have to leave NOW.” She was sobbing and she wasn’t sure when that had begun but she couldn’t feel anything about it. They needed to leave. 

The captain had met them and he nodded vigorously. “Let’s get that bitch loaded up and then we’ll blow this joint.” He turned to Mr Hux, who’d been on the other side of the Queen from Rey in their march in. “Enjoy the ride, Armitage?”

Mr Hux looked shell shocked. He merely gaped at the captain. Some marine blood had spattered his protective gear and fatigues. Some had mixed with his ginger hair. Rey actually felt bad for him. He’d had no idea. 

$$$

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review if you read! <3


	18. Chapter 18

En route to the ship, Ben couldn’t rest. He’d told Rey to sleep, but she couldn’t seem to either. He knew why. They were both reeling from being thrust back into their own personal hell. He wanted to be in isolation. He wanted to be clean. He wanted to not feel like if he blinked the Queen might reawaken and kill them all. 

At least this time they were riding with the people and not the cargo. The space was still cramped. He pulled Rey close and let her rest her head against his chest. He felt so painfully tense, but having her there with him at least meant he wasn’t alone in his mind. 

_ We’ll figure this out.  _ She pressed the thought into his mind.  _ We will be free of this. We will be free of the company. We will run away together, my husband, and I will make you ghormeh sabzi and tahdig every Shabbat. We will have many children and we will raise them with love and kindness. All will be well.  _ She seemed to be trying to convince herself as much as she was him. The ideas were still deeply soothing. 

It took several hours before they were back on the ship, and Ben’s anxiety immediately spiked. His stomach twisted knowing that now they’d served their purpose that Captain Dameron might no longer be able to defend them. His stomach twisted knowing that they were going to be transporting a living alien Queen. He could sense she had reawakened, though her mind seemed muted somehow, apart from her hive. He tried to avoid her mind as best he could. He didn’t want to go back in there if he could help it. 

He couldn’t stand the tension anymore. He immediately asked, when they’d emerged from the landing craft: “So what’s the plan? Rey and I still being company property? How are we ensuring that this Queen doesn’t create an infestation on Earth? How are we ensuring she doesn’t get loose on the ship?”

The captain opened his mouth to speak but Mr Hux cut across him: “You’re released as company property effective immediately.” He looked green and like he might vomit. “As for the Queen, hypersleep. If that’s ineffective she will be cared for by synthetics en route. Our containment facility is top notch. She’s not going anywhere.”

The captain was watching him and the hard lines in his face seemed to relax momentarily. He looked impressed. “Mr Hux is right. We will not allow the Queen to be a threat to anyone. Her capture and containment are for scientific purposes and to aid in the production of Royal Jelly.”

He felt Rey’s hand on his chest and looked down. She was holding him and thinking.  _ I don’t want to be here when they move the Queen. I thought I could but I can’t.  _ She was distressed. She was remembering Kyber and his heart broke seeing her face. She was trying so hard to be stoic in front of everyone else. She was barely holding it together. 

He looked at Captain Dameron. “Sir, permission to go to my quarters.”

Captain Dameron looked the pair of them over. “Yeah, can’t imagine that this was easy on you guys. Go. Rest.”

Once they were out of view, he picked Rey up and carried her the rest of the way. He could feel her crying into his neck and wished he could make things different. They’d succeeded. They were free. But the cost was immense. He felt numb but he knew he’d feel it all later. 

When they got to his quarters, he laid her on the bed and wrapped her in a blanket. He then wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. 

“I hate her.” Rey was crying so hard and her body was so exhausted that she was on the verge of losing consciousness. “I hate her so much. It hurts.”

He held her tight as she wept. He wished so much he could take away her pain. He wished when he’d taken her from the asylum that he’d got them both papers and gone off world. That they’d never had to see the Xenos again. He held her close.  _ What will help, Rey? How can I help? _

“You can’t help.” She responded, irritably. “You’ve done everything you can. She’s still here. She’s on the ship. We’re taking her to Earth. Ben.” She wept anew. 

He tried to massage her back but she was extremely tense as she cried. He remembered how she’d made him tea when he’d been upset and how soothing that had been.  _ I’m going to go make you some tea, Rey. Is that okay? I’ll only be gone briefly.  _

She didn’t say anything but didn’t seem to react overwhelmingly negatively so he took that as agreement. He went to the kitchen and prepared her a cup of tea. 

Threepio was there. Watching him. 

“We’re no longer company property, Threepio.” Ben said. Threepio watched him like a cat watched a mouse and he didn’t like it. “So you can go back to minding your fucking business.”

Threepio smiled. “Solidarity, Sergeant Solo. Your men must be glad to have you returned to them.”

Ben glared at him and finished prepping the tea. Threepio continued to watch him as he left and returned to his and Rey’s quarters. 

Rey was as he’d left her, wrapped in the blanket and still. He noticed that she was emitting little snores. He sighed and set the tea next to her so it’d be available when she awoke and draped a clean pair of briefs over it to keep it warm. 

He climbed into bed beside her and attempted to relax into sleep himself. He tried to soothe himself with the knowledge that Rey had managed to fall asleep, that he was beside his wife and had lived through the landing mission on the homeworld of some of the universe’s most vile bodies. He held her close and found himself crying from gratitude that he’d lived this long. The tears turned to fatigue, which overtook him into unconsciousness. 

$$$

Hux exhaled slowly and felt like it was the first time he had in his entire life. 

Things were as they ought to be. He was in the captain’s quarters again, beside his lover, and feeling warm and relaxed and… good. He felt like a decent person. Maybe not as good as the world needed, but definitely better than he had been. 

It hadn’t been the kind of passive-aggressive fucking they’d been engaging in before. This was deeper, romantic, mutual, and loving in a way Hux realised, horribly, he’d never really experienced. Dameron had been gentle with him, caring, and vulnerable in a way that honoured the both of them. Hux felt pure warmth and gratitude. He was grateful for the man he’d become. He was grateful for the man he’d continue to be. He was grateful for the man beside him. 

Dameron wasn’t ignoring him this time. He was laying next to him and drawing circles on Hux’s chest with his index finger. “You did the right thing.” Dameron’s voice was low and gravelly. If Hux weren’t already more than spent he would’ve been all over that. Dameron looked at him through his thick black lashes, his dark brown eyes clear and open. “You’re going to get shafted for it, but it was the right thing.”

Hux wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t used to this openness. “I’m scared.” He spoke without thinking. He regretted it for a moment, but Dameron’s face betrayed no judgement. “Snoke’s killed higher placed people over smaller infractions. I just… I couldn’t. I already feel like the devil for what this mission’s done. It’s painfully stupid but I never saw the human cost.” He felt stupid being so open but somehow Dameron was making him feel the least self-conscious he’d felt since he was a child. 

Dameron hummed in agreement. He really was beautiful. “What are you gonna do?” He chewed on his lips and somehow looked even more beautiful. Ridiculous. He leant forward and planted a gentle kiss on Hux’s shoulder. “No one wants to die.”

“I don’t know.” That killed his buzz. Suddenly his stomach felt empty. Even with the Xeno Queen specimen the fact that he’d so flagrantly disregarded company orders with regard to the Solos meant he was most likely returning to his death. Panic rose in his chest and his throat constricted. “I really don’t know.”

“Aw baby don’t get like that.” Dameron wasn’t even laughing at him. He looked genuinely concerned. He shifted so he was sitting up a bit more and took Hux’s hand in his own. “I managed to transport an entire person without getting in trouble. Maybe something happened to you in the mission. Maybe the Queen hurt you during transport and you died of your wounds. Maybe….” Dameron swallowed before continuing, looking at Hux through those thick black lashes, his voice deeper, huskier. “Maybe we get you a stupid haircut. Put some dumbass stickers on your face. Maybe you live in my apartment in Inglewood. Maybe they don’t find you.”

Hux was stunned. His face was burning hot and his eyes were stinging from tears. He had absolutely no idea what to say. 

Dameron kissed him, sucking softly on his lower lip. “Maybe I get discharged. Maybe we take my military pension and we go off world. Just a thought. Maybe, you know.” 

Hux returned his kiss. He couldn’t help the tears that were spilling from his eyes. How in hell had he got to this point? He never wanted to let go. 

$$$

The space was vaulted, like the egg chambre. Like her home. Her body was already preparing another egg sac. She could rebuild. Her raw skin had repaired and her strength had returned. 

Through the vessels she had experienced their homeworld. Their species was from an Earth—green, like hers—with a thin atmosphere and infested with their kind and many others. They had memories, species memories. So many vessels. A world teeming with life for the living. Life for the giving. 

She didn’t imagine. That wasn’t something that happened for her. She knew. It came through her acidic blood as her body prepared the sac. She knew her children would be legion. She knew they would implant in those vessels. A new world and a new home. 

Rey awoke and her head was throbbing. She couldn’t feel anything except a deep sickness in her stomach. Her body was covered in ice cold sweat and it was a relief when the vomit spewed from her mouth onto the floor. It was dark but it didn’t matter. She couldn’t open her eyes. 

Warm hands were on her back. She could hear Ben’s voice as if through water. “—you—okay?”

She vomited again and collapsed onto the bed. She’d been holding herself up with her arms but she couldn’t anymore. She was finished throwing up. 

There was some light and she opened her eyes finally to see Ben sitting in front of her and next to a pool of vomit. His hand was on her back, rubbing gently and he’d pushed her hair out of her face. His expression was blank but his mind, as much as she could access it in her nauseous and pained state, was deeply concerned. 

“Rey, do you need to throw up some more or you think you got it all?” He asked gently. 

She managed to speak. “That was it. My head hurts so much. I can barely think. Ben.”

He nodded. “I’m going to get Artoo and then I’ll clean this up, okay? Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”

She couldn’t have moved if she’d wanted to. The nausea had been appeased somewhat by the vomiting and she couldn’t really smell. Her dreams had been so painful. She found, behind that thought, the source of her pain: fear. She feared what she’d seen. She didn’t know how to process it. She needed to talk with Ben. This couldn’t wait. But she could barely move and could hardly speak. 

Ben returned with a portly synthetic wearing the uniform of the colonial marines under a lab coat. Ben rubbed her back before cleaning up the vomit efficiently. 

The synthetic squatted before her. “You still feeling like you gonna throw up?” He had a gravelly American accent. 

Rey shook her head. 

The synthetic took her vitals carefully. He barely looked at her. Rey didn’t mind terribly. She felt so dreadful she couldn’t focus. 

He turned to Ben and said: “she’s got a migraine. I’ll give her some shit for it but she’ll be fine.”

He injected her with something. Rey felt far from “fine” but after a few minutes the drugs started to take effect and she could look at her surroundings and focus better. Ben had cleaned up all the vomit and it didn’t even stink. The synthetic must’ve left whilst her head was killing her. 

“You feeling any better?” Ben’s voice was low and gentle. She felt one of his hands move some hair from her face. “You were so pale before. I was worried.”

“Ben.” She turned to face him. He’d lain down behind her after he’d finished cleaning. His face was lined with concern and his touch was incredibly careful. 

She felt a surge of immense love for him. She’d been sick many times at the asylum—at least once a year—and occasionally vomited. The attendants and nurses there had acted cruelly whilst cleaning up. She wasn’t allowed to touch cleaning supplies and chemicals so she couldn’t clean it herself. She’d felt horrible for being sick and their complaining and comments had made her feel worse. Ben hadn’t even winced. He was just concerned.

She felt more of her focus return. She needed to relay the contents of her dream. 

After she’d told him his face had become pale and his eyes wide. “She’s seen Earth through us?” He asked. 

“Yes. And she has… designs for it.” She replied. She hated scaring him, but it would be wrong to conceal the truth. 

Ben was quiet for a long moment. He stared past her face and through their connexion she could see him remembering the carnage of Kyber. A full infestation. Even with the off-world Colonies, an infested Earth could mean the end of human civilisation. “We have to kill her.” Ben said, quietly. “I didn’t like the idea of bringing her to the Earth in the first place. If those bozos want to study this shit then they can make a nasty little lab on that shithole planet. We’re not taking this to Earth. Forgive my language.”

Rey nodded. “Do you think it would be worthwhile to include the captain and Mr Hux in our plan? They seem to have changed their opinions rather a lot.”

Ben chewed his lips. “I don’t know. I think we need to create a full contingency in that case. It wouldn’t be simple mutiny. It’d be full opposition to company orders by an Interstellar Colonial Marine company. Like… that’s a big deal.”

“We have a few days before we go into hyper sleep and warp back to Earth, yes?” She asked. He nodded. “I can do some research. There must be somewhere we could go where we’ll be safe.”

Ben’s lips twitched. “Yeah, there are rebellious colonies, but, Rey, they get  _ eradicated _ by Colonial Marines and the Company. Even if not, we’d be stuck. And we’d be hunted. They might be able to ignore a rebellious colony, much as they cost, but a company that’s stolen Weyland Yutani property… in the form of a Xenomorph Queen? They’d make sure we wound up dead.”

Rey was glad the migraine had passed, because the anxiety she was now experiencing was a different sort of pain. There had to be a solution to this. “And if we returned to Earth empty handed….”

“You’d be returned to Tyrell Asylum. I’d be court-martialled and killed along with the rest of my unit.” Ben spoke in a monotone. 

He was despairing. It was an unfortunate aspect to his character. She loved him, but she’d decided that for them there would be no losing. She’d just have to find another way to win. “I’ll think of something. I’ll do some research on Mother. I’ll figure this out.”

Ben smiled, but it was a bittersweet smile. He loved her, but he wasn’t sure that such a thing was in anyone’s capacity. “Okay.”

$$$

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review if you read! <3


	19. Chapter 19

Hux awoke the next morning to a truly bizarre scene. It was so profoundly alien to him that it was almost like being on the Xeno homeworld. Unlike that, however, the foreignness of what lay before him was innately beautiful and warming. 

Poe Dameron was asleep on his stomach, snoring and drooling onto his pillow. The barren captain’s quarters seemed filled with a soft sort of energy. The light was the same as always during sleep hours, but something about it seemed kinder this morning. 

Hux breathes slowly, knowing he could return to sleep if he wanted. The concern about what might await him could hold. That was outside of this room, hurtling through empty space in an alien sector of the galaxy. That was Earth business. 

Earth. Where he’d been borne of a miserable, closeted woman and an abusive shitheel of a father. Earth where he’d shared his first “romantic” encounter in the toilets at his boarding school and shortly afterwards experienced his first spell of unconsciousness from beating—at the hands of the same man. Earth, where he’d been employed by the Company—as if that meant something. Where he’d thought, if he were one of the takers, that he couldn’t be taken. That if he could fuck over everyone else then he couldn’t be fucked. Earth, where he’d sat calmly as people suffered and died across the galaxy in the name of one great, almighty, and absolutely merciless god: profit. 

He’d seen the bonuses these marines were going to receive for successful completion of the mission. It was less than he made in one hour and less than Snoke made in one second. And yet he’d seen their eyes widen at the numbers. He’d heard the one who’d led Alpha team for the ground mission, Finn, mutter about how that would erase all of his debt and he could afford to get married. If Finn lived one hour as him, he’d have no more financial stress. At the time, hearing this had made him feel exceptionally powerful. Thinking back on it now, he felt sick. 

Dameron continued to snore. They’d talked deep into the night. Dameron had told him about his parents—marines themselves from the Yavin colony, before it was destroyed—his education amongst the stars. His subsequent career. His aborted romances. His regrets. He had a lot of regrets. 

Hux was honoured to not be one of them. 

He thought about what Dameron had said, about him hiding on Earth and evading the company. It was another concept absurdly alien to him: being with someone who actually gave a shit about him. Being protected by someone and not having to fuck over everyone to save his own skin. He would never have dreamt it, but the moment Dameron had spoke it the idea had implanted deep within his heart and was growing and blossoming like a flower. His entire circulatory system was filled with hope and love (which he’d never thought was something for him). 

Dameron stirred and wiped some of the drool off his face. He smacked his lips and looked at Hux hazily. “The fuck you looking at? Go the fuck to sleep. It’s 0300, fuck.” He grumbled something and then closed his eyes and returned to snoring. 

Hux felt like his chest might burst from the absolute love he felt for the man before him. 

$$$

When Rey felt less awful, she managed to get herself something to eat from the kitchen. She left Ben sleeping in their room--he’d needed the rest--and got herself some toast and jam. She took it with her and followed the corridors of the ship to Mother’s room, the Womb, near the cockpit. 

She’d not been back there for several days. Passing through the cockpit, she was able to see the Alien homeworld as they were moving out of orbit. The planet looked so benign from here. Its atmosphere cast a grey hue over its eery green surface. She could see the shapes of mountains, land masses, oceans, deserts, frozen polar caps. She remembered seeing images of Earth from space before she’d been transferred to the Asylum. She remembered the way Kyber’d looked from space before Ben had helped her into her hyper sleep capsule and she’d drifted to sleep, never to see the place again. Misleadingly peaceful. It was insane to think that everything that they’d witnessed was combined to that little ball, surrounded by sterile blackness.

A thought suddenly occurred to her--what had become of Kyber? Was the colony still infested with Xenos? She’d wondered about it occasionally. She’d assumed an outer rim outpost and mining colony was too valuable for the company to forfeit, but she’d never been able to access answers. She knew she needed to find a solution to their current predicament but curiosity gnawed at her guts. 

Inside the Womb was warm and soothing after the stark reality of the cockpit. She sat down in the comfortable chair in front of the computer. On Mother’s screen was scrolling lines of code and data inputs. Rey watched them flash by before she initiated research mode. She’d read before about the infestation on Kyber and the failed rescue mission, but she’d not looked into the current state of things.

She found what she was looking for very quickly.

_ Kyber colony was visited by Colonial Marine freight vessel, the Surrogate, and atomised from orbit. Imagine from the Surrogate taken from orbit showed an advanced stage Xenomorph infestation and few remaining human colonial structures. Terraformation, though initially considered fully integrated to Kyber, had begun to degrade in absence of human inhabitants. Kyber will not be inhabitable for 14,000 years unless anti-radiation measures are approved. Atomisation was successful in exterminating the Xenomorph infestation.  _

Rey felt nothing. So every moment she had spent as a child on Kyber, every second and every beautiful Shabbat dinner with her parents, every cuddle with her parents, every game of handball, every mine tour, everything was gone. Her parents bodies were ash, desecrated first by violent assaults of Xenos and then burnt by mankind’s hellfire. 

There was a pulling sensation in her stomach and her abs contracted. She thought of the Xeno homeworld from orbit. Misleading. Peaceful. Malignant. An infection waiting to spread. An infection already having spread much further than anyone was willing to admit. She remembered from reading the information on Xenomorphs: they had no idea how they got around. The assumption was that they were interstellar hitchhikers, but she felt innately that that was too simplistic. The view of them as stupid or living purely on instinct was simplistic and wrong. They were intelligent, as a collective, with the Queen being the centre of that intelligence and that collective. They were driven. More than any human could imagine.

She knew Mr Hux and the captain thought they would be able to contain the Queen, but she couldn’t help but feel they were vastly underestimating her. She breathed slowly, trying to soothe her racing thoughts.  _ I will find a solution _ . She told herself.  _ It’s not a matter of if. It’s a matter of when and how. I  _ will  _ find a solution.  _

She navigated to a different search. Outer rim colonies. Nothing near Kyber, she could never return there and obviously the place wasn’t even an option, but with whatever kind of interstellar getting around the Xenos we’re capable of, she didn’t think anything in the vicinity would be worth risking. 

Padova 3. 

It was a minor colony. Another mining colony. It had declared independence from the company. Initially a suppressing force had been issued by Weyland Yutani in collaboration with the Colonial Marines but that had been called off after the separation had been ratified as legal by Earth government. That came with a lot of restrictions, however. Padova could trade with Earth but only in extremely limited quantities and for obscenely inflated prices. 

Rey read everything she could about Padova. It was apparently a verdant world, unlike Kyber, and lush with terra formed plant life and beautiful lakes and oceans. It rained there often, but it also enjoyed warm sunshine from its star, and a healthy balance from its satellite moon.

She remembered being under the showers with Ben and how much she’d enjoyed herself. She’d never swam in anything other than a pool. The idea of swimming in a natural body of water was as frightening as it was enticing. 

_ Don’t get your hopes up.  _ She sternly told herself.  _ You must research everything so you can make your case and fight for your future.  _

_ For our future.  _ She could feel the soft presence of Ben’s thoughts. He was in their room, resting. He was trying to decide if he should go see the Queen. 

She pressed warmth and kindness towards him.  _ For our future. Rest, my husband. I am busy working. Rest yourself for now.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo sorry it's been so long. I'm really struggling with Tentin Quarantino and being depressed af. Idk, life is hell.


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